Everyone thinks he's a girl

[Babyboy2020]

I'm not really sure why this bothers me, because it sure as anything doesn't bother my son, as he's 15 months old.

He has THE most gorgeous head of hair. Double ringlets at the back, dark, shiny, thick, wild hair. Everyone has commented on it from almost the day he was born. I can almost tie it back in a pony tail now, and usually I clip back the front or give him a hair band to keep it out of his eyes. Its his thing. He looks older because of it, and it gives this child who I adore and has so much character, even more so.

As the year has gone on, more people have said things such as 'she's beautiful 'what gorgeous hair she has etc.

The first few times it genuinely didn't bother me but it's now a daily occurrence at the supermarket etc. To add to it, my very conservative father asks me, without fail, every time we see him (once a week ish) why I haven't cut his hair yet/when am I cutting his hair.

Now my son has no concept of gender at 15 months, the comments are not damaging his sense of self in any way or making him feel insecure about who he is. He might not be able to see properly all the time due to the fuzzy fringe in his eyes.. but thats a different issue.

It would break my heart to cut it. It's his thing and I adore his wild hair. Especially after a bath when it's super curly and he looks a bit feral

I do want him to be able to see properly now he is walking. And I genuinely am not sure why, but the constant mistaken gender is annoying me. I think perhaps because I am proud of my son, of his crazy hair. He is beautiful. Exactly how he is, for who he is. And I'm tired of the awkward correcting people, or ignoring it, which takes something away from the moment of being able to enjoy someone commenting positively on my child. I just want that to be a simple pleasure. After an only child, a lockdown baby i couldn't share in person with the world.

My hairdresser friend said if I don't want to cut it, all I could do was clip it back or use a hairband. Both of these methods make him look more feminine which is adding to the issue. Even crocodile hairclips, or shark ones.. same issue.

He can do as he pleases when he's older. Its his hair and I want him to be happy. I don't want him bullied. Or made fun of as he grows. I also don't want him to resent me for cutting it when he's older, or not cutting it. Totally over thinking it now.

What would you do?

Does the fringe in his eyes bother him? I’d sort that, if it does. I appreciate you like his hair, but trimming his fringe wouldn’t be a massive change and I used to hate mine being irritating, as a kid.

On the comments - if he likes having the hair and you like it, leave it be. Correct people if you want, or don’t. Just try to let it wash over you. Are the hair bands and things you’ve got quite feminine? You might be able to take some inspiration from the premier league players with longer hair, if you wanted to - thin black bands, man buns, etc.

But again; if you don’t want to and he’s happy - leave it be. Strangers opinions don’t matter most of the time, especially when they’re not bothering anyone.

You can’t preempt how he will feel about it when he’s older and her can always grow it or cut it as he chooses so I’d stop worrying about that for a start.
You are going to have to make a choice though it think. Cut it and make him look more like a traditional boy. Or don’t and simply accept that sometimes he will continue to be mistaken for a girl.
Do you dress him in particularly boy clothes??

I think I would cut it if it’s getting in his eyes, must be annoying/tickily for him x

My son was just the same, gorgeous blonde locks tumbling over his shoulders . People in the shops would exclaim about how adorable he looked. As soon as he was able, he went to the kitchen drawer and took out my chicken scissors, and gave himself a hair cut, right down to the scalp. He was about 3 at the time. When I asked him why, he said he hated his hair and hated his curls. He is 31 now and still cuts his own hair , right down to the scalp. He now has a proper electric cutter now, to replace the chicken scissors .

For your son I'd certainly clip his hair out of his eyes - I know you love it but he needs to be able to see. And be prepared to find him cutting it himself one day, lol.

Now that its getting chillier a hat/cap or bandana would hold it back. My boy had beautiful white straight hair and it was long until he was 10. He was often mistaken for a girl - I just told him it was because he was so beautiful. Now it's short he's never mistaken - still pretty though and I miss his hair! x

My 3 year old ds has beautiful crazy hair. His daddy has thick wavy hair down below his shoulder blades and ds has decided he wants long hair like him (but wants his fringe trimmed regularly as it annoys him). Sometimes he wants it in a pony tail.
My thinking is they're only little for a short amount fo time before they start to experience peer/societal pressure so I want to preserve him doing what he wants with his own appearance for as long as I can. If he asked for it to be cut I would oblige.

In a similar vein if he wants to wear his Ana dress up he's welcome to, if he wants to have his nails painted, fine.

Ignore others, enjoy your boy and his beautiful hair.

It's just hair. You seem very overly emotionally invested in one aspect of your son's appearance. I'm sure it's very nice hair but it isn't who he is, it's just a bit of how he looks and cutting it shouldn't be a big deal.

No reason to cut it if you don't want to. Doesn't really matter if people think he's a girl either but it doss pay to be practical and at least keep it tied back if it's in his eyes.

What would I do?

Cut it.

hairdresser friend said if I don't want to cut it, all I could do was clip it back or use a hairband

anyone could have told you that...it's obvious.

You need to develop a thicker skin honestly. I have 2 DS with long hair and they're always mistaken for girls. It's just life! Sometimes I correct and sometimes I don't depending on the situation. It's not worth getting upset about!

@00100001

What would I do?

Cut it.

Sorry- far too obvious!

I’d cut him and I think most people would. Especially the bit Infront of his eyes. That’s just cruel.
My friends little boy had bright blonde curly locks and she let him grow him way past his shoulders. He was always mistaken for a girl. As soon as he was able to tell her he asked her to cut it off as he absolutely hated it .

It would break my heart to cut it. It's his thing and I adore his wild hair.

No. It's your thing.

By all means keep his beautiful locks but you can't blame people if they think he's a girl.

Not quite the same but recently a man told me my daughter was adorable. I corrected him that he was infact a boy and he exclaimed “If he’s a boy, why’s he wearing a pink tracksuit?!” 🙄 The tracksuit is a deep shade of pink, granted, but was bought from the unisex section and what the hell does a colour have to do with gender?! It didn’t bother me the first time but when he then continued to show his wife and friends the cute baby girl, I got quite irritated.
We fully plan to let his hair grow as wild as it will until he’s old enough to decide for himself. All I would say is if it is bothering him or affecting his visibility, obviously have the fringe trimmed. Long hair and hairbands aren’t exclusively for girls, just like the colour pink isn’t!

I do want him to be able to see properly now he is walking.

You didn't mind he couldn't see properly before? 😳

Cut it!!!!

You can't have it both ways. If you love his hair, absolutely fine but you cant complain that people mistake him for a girl. There is no reason to cut off all his hair but I would cut it so you're not using hair clips and head bands on a baby. There's no need for that. A trim and a tidy up is fine.

Also it's not 'his thing'... He doesn't even know what hair is at this age...

You needed a hairdresser to tell you you could either cut it or clip it back

I don’t know, you make it sound he looks like Mowgli, but if he’s happy and you’re happy then it’s no one’s business. Although I doubt he loves having frizz in his eyes.

Why do you care if people think he's a girl?
Just say "oh, he's a boy, but yes, he's gorgeous".

I also came on to say that no, it isn't 'his' thing. It's your thing, but I see a PP beat me to it.

My DS had the same, a woman on the bus actually told me off and told me to cut it when I politely told her he was in fact a boy... lol. Bitch.

Anyway, if he can't see properly CUT IT poor sod

Most boys (not all but most) have shorter hair. A child with long hair in a ponytail will normally be a girl. That’s why. If you don’t want to cut it of course don’t but people will presume he’s a girl because he has a hairstyle that’s worn by girls more than boys.

Also, your child won’t resent you when they’re older for cutting or not cutting your hair. All my kids (boys and girls) had short hair when small because I hate seeing (and I do find this is more common in boys with long hair than girls) hair straggling into the face/all over the place.

My daughter age about 8 said she wanted to grow hers, it’s very long now. However, she knows that it’s her job to be sensible about brushing and everything, and I don’t think she resents having a short bob as a younger child.

Oh jeez. Get the poor boys hair hair cut!

What would I do ?

Get him a haircut

But it is your ds, and you need to decide if it bothers you that people assume he is a girl.

Obviously he needs to not have hair in his eyes, so either get his fringe trimmed or continue to use whatever suits you to keep it out of his eyes.

Both of my boys had long hair as younger children and prefer it longer than the norm as school age children. I couldn't have cared less on the occasions that people assumed they were girls. I usually didn't bother to correct them because it made not a single bit of difference.

It's just hair, have it how you like it for now, and just be prepared to listen to your child as he gets older and able to express a preference.

I'd cut it. Not because of the being mistaken for a girl thing, but just for practical reasons. I think long hair is a bit of a nuisance on small children of either sex to be honest, but mjne all hated having their hair washed and brushed as toddlers so short was much easier to manage.
Is there a compromise? Maybe ask your friend if she could cut the fringe and style it so that it's a bit more controllable but still has some of the curls? Cutting it doesn't have to be drastic and it will need to be done at some point to keep it in nice condition.