Everyone thinks he's a girl

[Babyboy2020]

I'm not really sure why this bothers me, because it sure as anything doesn't bother my son, as he's 15 months old.

He has THE most gorgeous head of hair. Double ringlets at the back, dark, shiny, thick, wild hair. Everyone has commented on it from almost the day he was born. I can almost tie it back in a pony tail now, and usually I clip back the front or give him a hair band to keep it out of his eyes. Its his thing. He looks older because of it, and it gives this child who I adore and has so much character, even more so.

As the year has gone on, more people have said things such as 'she's beautiful 'what gorgeous hair she has etc.

The first few times it genuinely didn't bother me but it's now a daily occurrence at the supermarket etc. To add to it, my very conservative father asks me, without fail, every time we see him (once a week ish) why I haven't cut his hair yet/when am I cutting his hair.

Now my son has no concept of gender at 15 months, the comments are not damaging his sense of self in any way or making him feel insecure about who he is. He might not be able to see properly all the time due to the fuzzy fringe in his eyes.. but thats a different issue.

It would break my heart to cut it. It's his thing and I adore his wild hair. Especially after a bath when it's super curly and he looks a bit feral

I do want him to be able to see properly now he is walking. And I genuinely am not sure why, but the constant mistaken gender is annoying me. I think perhaps because I am proud of my son, of his crazy hair. He is beautiful. Exactly how he is, for who he is. And I'm tired of the awkward correcting people, or ignoring it, which takes something away from the moment of being able to enjoy someone commenting positively on my child. I just want that to be a simple pleasure. After an only child, a lockdown baby i couldn't share in person with the world.

My hairdresser friend said if I don't want to cut it, all I could do was clip it back or use a hairband. Both of these methods make him look more feminine which is adding to the issue. Even crocodile hairclips, or shark ones.. same issue.

He can do as he pleases when he's older. Its his hair and I want him to be happy. I don't want him bullied. Or made fun of as he grows. I also don't want him to resent me for cutting it when he's older, or not cutting it. Totally over thinking it now.

What would you do?

Your are overly invested in his hair OP! It doesn’t define him, it’s just bloody hair! It isn’t his thing, he’s 15 months old! It doesn’t give him character character doesn’t have anything to do with our hair.

Ohhhh no you’re one of those mums who grows their little boys ‘curls’ long because you can’t bear to cut them off 😂 well what do you expect?!

I had the same with my baby dd - bald as anything and I didn't dress her in pink so had all the assumptions about her being a boy. For me I didn't care at all.. says more about people and their assumptions than my baby. Me personally I would keep it long and tie it back as it sounds gorgeous. but whatever, its just hair.

@00100001

What would I do?

Cut it.

Yup

Toddlers are generic looking. Of course people are going to think he's a girl if he has long hair and then you put clips and hairbands in it, especially now that it's completely normal for girls to wear clothing designed for boys.

Your choices are to either put up with it, or cut his hair.

I'd be glad so many people think my child is gorgeous tbh (and I'd keep the long hair unless it was annoying him)

Anytime you see a young kid with long (usually curly-ish) hair it’s for the parents sake, it’s annoying having messy hair flapping about your face, just cut it and focus on something else, it’s really not a big deal.

Do his DPs have curly hair - if not it will probably straighten as it grows. If they do then cut it, it will be curly but shorter.

Against all the other posters (it seems)

I would not cut it. I would buy some hair clips or hair bands so he can see, and enjoy his lovely hair while you can.

After all, parents put their kids in pretty clothes, entirely for the parents’ benefit, hair is no different as long as you ensure there are no practical problems for him.

Then when he gets to nursery age reconsider cutting it.

Obviously if the clips or bands won’t stay in then you might need to do a haircut or fringe earlier.

Well yes cut it. Obvious solution really? It gonna be so cute in a surfer dude style cut with a FRINGE so he can see where he is going BONUS
The ringlets can stay too so what’s the problem?

Why faff about with clips and bands and stuff?

You need to trim his fringe for a start. If he can't see properly then that is frankly cruel.

The fact is most people will mistake a boy toddler with long hair to be a girl. It happens to my DS and the DS of a friend all the time. You need to grow a thicker skin if you want to keep his hair.

You're either going to have to cut it, or learn to live with the fact that society recognises children with long hair as girls. Like you said, him being mistaken for a girl isn't doing him any harm, he doesn't know anything about it.

People are weird though. Once i was in the shop with my baby twin boys, both with short curly hair, both dressed in stereotypical boy clothes - and someone asked me if i liked having a boy and a girl or if i would have preferred them both to be the same sex

As a twin mum you get used to coming up with stock answers to questions so my advice - maybe just come up with one or two. Like "he's a boy actually, ha ha" and "yes we love his hair". Even if your stock answer doesn't directly answer what ever comment they've made, they'll be confused and you can walk away.

Agree with others that the most sensible idea is to cut it and I'd say that even if he was a girl.

A toddler with long hair that gets in their eyes and who needs clips or a headband to enable them to see is bloody stupid. The ability to see should come before a parents opinion of how pretty their hair looks.

For me it would be the maintenance that would annoy me, but you obviously love it, the washing and drying of long curly hair doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother your son, so keep it this way until your ds decides he either does, or doesn't want to cut it.

As for correcting people, I'd not even bother 'oh what lovely hair she has' smile and say 'thank you'

I used to have the opposite issue, my dd used to look like a boy, even when dressed pink. It soon stopped when she got older and 'grew into her looks'

@MagnusMama

Why do you care if people think he's a girl? Just say "oh, he's a boy, but yes, he's gorgeous".

Yes, this. Other people's opinions are irrelevant. If your DS is happy, and you can manage his hair, then all good.

Anytime you see a young kid with long (usually curly-ish) hair it’s for the parents sake, it’s annoying having messy hair flapping about your face, just cut it and focus on something else, it’s really not a big deal.

And you'd say that about a girl with masses of ringlets too would you? Doubt it.

Well, cut his hair. You’re being ridiculous. Of course people will think he’s a girl if you put hair clips in. If he was a girl, what would you do? I only had girls, and their hair was cut short as toddlers. No clips and hair accessories.

If he’s a boy, why’s he wearing a pink tracksuit?!”
"Oh quick, let me check... Nope, willy still there".

And you'd say that about a girl with masses of ringlets too would you? Doubt it.

I would. Long ringleted hair looks ridiculous on toddlers, as well as not being practical.

The way you talk about “wild” hair and looking “feral” makes it sound like your child’s hair is unkempt. And if it is, then that makes him look neglected.

Make sure it is clean and brushed and not falling in his eyes. And then don’t give a hoot about what anyone says.

Because it is only hair. It isn’t his “thing” - it is one small aspect of him. It does not define him, no matter how much you love it.

And you'd say that about a girl with masses of ringlets too would you? Doubt it.

I would. As I said above. Hair at this age needs to be practical for the child. If a toddler couldn't see regardless of their gender I'd think their parents values appearance over their child's ability to explore and be a toddler.

I think long ringlet hair looks lovely.

But I would cut a fringe, if it's falling into his eyes. He'll still look lovely peeking out from under it

Sorry OP but you can't blame people for thinking he's a girl. Just my opinion.

DS has long curly blonde hair, he does have a side type parting which helps keep it out of his eyes. We take him to the hairdresser regularly but he doesn't want it cut off (neither do I buy if he wanted to I'd let him) , he gets called she a fair amount and just says 'I'm a boy!' to be honest I don't think he looks feminine even with long hair but typically it's older people who just see the hair and assume he's a girl. It's not something to be concerned about

What do you do? Accept if you keep it long sometimes people will assume he is a girl.

If you don't want this assumption to be made the alternative is to have his hair cut.

The choice is yours though.

When dd was a baby and toddler I got a lot of clothes from the boys section as I didn't want her to wear just pink and white and because I loved some of the clothes with dinosaurs or cars. When she was dressed in blue people always mistook her for a boy. Never bothered me. I don't expect people to be able to correctly guess a young child's gender just from their face.