Everyone thinks he's a girl

[Babyboy2020]

I'm not really sure why this bothers me, because it sure as anything doesn't bother my son, as he's 15 months old.

He has THE most gorgeous head of hair. Double ringlets at the back, dark, shiny, thick, wild hair. Everyone has commented on it from almost the day he was born. I can almost tie it back in a pony tail now, and usually I clip back the front or give him a hair band to keep it out of his eyes. Its his thing. He looks older because of it, and it gives this child who I adore and has so much character, even more so.

As the year has gone on, more people have said things such as 'she's beautiful 'what gorgeous hair she has etc.

The first few times it genuinely didn't bother me but it's now a daily occurrence at the supermarket etc. To add to it, my very conservative father asks me, without fail, every time we see him (once a week ish) why I haven't cut his hair yet/when am I cutting his hair.

Now my son has no concept of gender at 15 months, the comments are not damaging his sense of self in any way or making him feel insecure about who he is. He might not be able to see properly all the time due to the fuzzy fringe in his eyes.. but thats a different issue.

It would break my heart to cut it. It's his thing and I adore his wild hair. Especially after a bath when it's super curly and he looks a bit feral

I do want him to be able to see properly now he is walking. And I genuinely am not sure why, but the constant mistaken gender is annoying me. I think perhaps because I am proud of my son, of his crazy hair. He is beautiful. Exactly how he is, for who he is. And I'm tired of the awkward correcting people, or ignoring it, which takes something away from the moment of being able to enjoy someone commenting positively on my child. I just want that to be a simple pleasure. After an only child, a lockdown baby i couldn't share in person with the world.

My hairdresser friend said if I don't want to cut it, all I could do was clip it back or use a hairband. Both of these methods make him look more feminine which is adding to the issue. Even crocodile hairclips, or shark ones.. same issue.

He can do as he pleases when he's older. Its his hair and I want him to be happy. I don't want him bullied. Or made fun of as he grows. I also don't want him to resent me for cutting it when he's older, or not cutting it. Totally over thinking it now.

What would you do?

Cut it fgs so he can see.

@Babyboy2020 my boy had hair like this. I would put gel on the fringe, sweep it to the side, clip it and then when gel was dry I would remove the clip. The sideswept fringe stayed in place a bit like an old Justin Bieber style and looked very cool.

I’d cut it. Might get harder as he hits 3/4 and starts to have an opinion on it / fear of getting it cut.

Could you get one of these headbands that are made for boys www.etsy.com/market/boys_headbands

You need to get over it. Keep it long if you want(although of course not in his eyes) but accept people will cal him a girl and you can simply correct them. My 10 year old ds has always had long hair and still gets called a girl sometimes, he couldn’t care less.

Long hair is lovely but needs to be looked after.

My son is 7 now, has had long hair ever since he realised it was his choice and people still mistake him for a girl. He just corrects them.

At least keep on top of his fringe weekly, so he can see, if you don't want to lose the overall length.

Based on various MN threads throughout the years - if you AREN'T going to cut it, mind who you leave him with because someone will do it for you

I had this. For some reason I think there’s something very emotive about the ringlets, the very beautiful curly hair that mostly only toddlers have. I didn’t cut my son’s hair for years, and was so sad when I did and all the curls gradually fell out. He, too, was continually mistaken for a girl - he’s quite “pretty” anyway, and the hair compounded it.

I rehearsed all your arguments too: that long hair wasn’t gendered, that people’s stupid stereotypes shouldn’t stop him having beautiful long hair, blah blah. Looking back at photos though…there was an optimal point. Beyond which, I really should have cut it. Not a crew cut. But shorter. It stopped actually being flattering, I see that now. A pp has pointed out how long hair is more often unkempt and messy looking on boys - that’s because, afraid of attracting even more “what a beautiful girl” comments, we shy away from braiding it or clipping it or putting on headbands, as we would with a girl. So it just hangs about all over the place, getting more and more wild. And no, that’s not “their” “thing”: that’s OUR thing, our inability to let go of the baby.

Honestly, I feel your pain but I think you should cut it. You don’t have to get the number 1 clippers out. But shorter. His beautiful face will shine out even more when you can actually see it. If he himself wants to grow it when he’s older, rock on, I approve.

My DS2 had the most beautiful hait- poker straight and long but I kept his fringe short and never longer than his collar, otherwise it annoyed him. It was cut in a surfer style and he looked effortlessly cool. He's now 15 and it's a crew cut! He chose to cut it around age 10/11. I was so upset as it didn't seem like him anymore, but I realised it was for me, not him.

Either cut the fringe or persevere until it's long enough for a man bun.

A pp has pointed out how long hair is more often unkempt and messy looking on boys - that’s because, afraid of attracting even more “what a beautiful girl” comments, we shy away from braiding it or clipping it or putting on headbands, as we would with a girl. So it just hangs about all over the place, getting more and more wild.

Yes of course that’s what I meant - I wasn’t suggesting that boys have naturally horrible hair or anything! More just that when I have heard mums rave about their sons’ ‘gorgeous curls’ most of the time they mean their child looks like Tarzan with wild tangled hair hanging all over the place.

If it’s neat, brushed, and in a ponytail or similar then I’ve no problem with it, just when it’s left messy and wild, which seems to be more common with boys than girls. Although of course if you do ponytail/pigtails your child will likely be mistaken for a girl, but you can’t really have it every way.

Well you need to make sure he can see OP, whether he is walking or not!!

Other than that, cut it and he won’t be mistaken for a girl, or don’t and sometimes he will. You just have to decide which bothers you most.

He's too little for it to be 'his thing'. What you mean is it's your 'thing' about him. Just cut it.

Does it really matter, he is mistaken for a girl, I’m not sure why thats such a big issue, they aren’t mistaking him for something negative.

My six year old has never had a hair cut, it isn’t difficult to keep it out of his eyes, or his face when needed, so playing sport etc. Wild hair is never lovely, if you don’t walk around with unkempt wild hair why do you do you think its okay for your son?

Any boy under 10 or so with longer hair will often be mistaken for a girl - at that age their face don’t look different enough to tell. Obviously you see loads of men and teenage boys with ponytails or longish surfer type hair who don’t look in the least feminine but it’s harder to tell on little kids.
Just correct them and don’t be bothered by it, although it’s not like he’s chosen it either so he’s not going to care if it’s cut.

I know my son has had longish hair since about 9 when he started growing it and nobody including him thinks it’s feminine. This isn’t really anything new, in modern times men with longish hair has been in and out of style since the 60’s to varying extents. I wouldn’t worry about his hair alone being a reason for him being picked on for being girly as aside from the odd comment here or there It’s unlikely.

Also your son isn’t going to resent you cutting his hair at his age later, he probably won’t even remember it.

I'd cut it, but both my DD and DS have short hair because it's more practical for play and easier to care for.

You say ‘it’s his thing’ - it’s your thing really isn’t it? As he is too little to have developed a thing.

@Kanaloa

Long hair or ponytail on boys is one thing - but it would be a cruel mother who did her little boys hair in pig tails.

[quote TarasCrazyTiara]@Kanaloa

Long hair or ponytail on boys is one thing - but it would be a cruel mother who did her little boys hair in pig tails.[/quote]
I didn’t say she should do pigtails - I said that a boy with his hair ‘styled,’ such as ponytail or pigtails, will be mistaken for a girl because they’re more feminine hairstyles.

But if she doesn’t want to tie it up neatly then to be honest it would be best cutting it - it just looks scruffy having long unkempt hair hanging around the face.

You have to cut it so he can see. Like most parents would do regardless of boy or girl.

Just to offer a counter point to all those posters saying he'll hate you for it - My DS1 always had shoulder length hair when little as that's the style I prefer on boys. I always said once he got old enough to care I'd let him cut it. Last year (aged 5) in lockdown he finally developed an opinion and now it's halfway down his back! So it doesn't always follow that they'll have it cut as soon as they're allowed (or hack it off with scissors as per PP!). We just used Kirby grips to keep it out of the way but I like the suggestion upthread of gelling it. Might try that on DS2!

One look around the average secondary school around here will tell you that long hair is in. Tell your dad to catch up with the times!

I loved dd's hair and didn't cut it until she was about 2. Looking back, it was a horrible mullet and she looked like Dave from Slade! PFB eh?

You can keep the curls but give him a shorter fringe. He will still have hair even if you cut it a bit. He doesn't give a toss so keeping it in a style that gets in the way and needs clips is a bit self indulgent of you, tbh.

@Nishkin

You say ‘it’s his thing’ - it’s your thing really isn’t it? As he is too little to have developed a thing.

True enough. At 15 months old he does not have a personal style.

I would try not to worry. As you say, it doesn't bother him, and as he gets older it will become more obvious that he is a boy.

I would keep up with the bands or clips if it's annoying him to have his hair in his eyes.

There's nothing malicious in people assuming he's a girl. Try not to let it annoy you. It will resolve in time on its own.

Oh OP , I fully sympathise.

My DS is now 12.
He had the same comments, albeit his hair was bright blonde and curly.

I kept my two DS's ( 12, 13 ) hair longer, up until about age 4. I loved their hair longer.
My blonde haired boy always got mistaken for a girl - always.
I used to nod at first, then I found myself explaining He was a boy and, having to justify why his hair was longer.
Anyway, as long as his hair is clean and not bothering him, ignore the comments.

For what it's worth, my DS 12 still has slightly longer hair, all curly and blonde. I love it.