I spent my entire twenties and almost all of my thirties undecided about whether to have children. I'll be 39 when my first is born. Tbh, the constant negativity surrounding motherhood has deterred me until now. For me, I had to think very carefully about whether the negatives outweigh the positives. I've seen friends struggle. I've seen friends refuse to have more than one. On the other hand, I've seen friends find it hard work, but who genuinely find it the most rewarding thing they've ever done.
It's a gamble, to a degree. My husband and I had to picture ourselves at the end of our lives and consider whether we wanted family in that picture or not. On balance, I decided I preferred the version of my life with a family, although I have been happy without children and would have had a rewarding and fulfilling life without them.
I did spend a while perusing childfree websites, though, and reading books about the decision to remain childfree.
Honestly, I was surprised by the attitude by some members of the childfree community. I went on one website expecting discussions about childfree adventure holidays, etc. Instead it was a bunch of people moaning about 'breeders' and children (I can't remember what derogatory term they used for children.) Didn't seem like an appealing or inspiring lifestyle, tbh. Obviously, not all childfree people are like that, but one or two have popped up on this thread.
However, I've noticed that a running theme with most other women who choose not to have children is almost always a variation of 'I love kids but I don't want any of my own. I have a great relationship with my niece/nephews and love being the cool aunt!' Fine, but that only works if you have siblings or extremely close friends with children. Not all of us do.
As for 'wrecking' one's body after children. I agree that women's healthcare is lacking and more resources need to be put into this. On the other hand... Serena Williams still plays tennis post-children, doesn't she? And Jessica Ennis-Hill competed in the Olympics after having a child? Perhaps I am naive, but not everything about the post-childbirth body appears to be inevitable. As for 'mum tums' etc - it occurred to me a few years ago that I couldn't tell just by looking at a woman post-50 whether she'd had kids or not. Seems to me that the menopause strikes mothers and non-mothers alike, with the inevitable changes it brings. I've seen 'apron tums' on both, quite frankly.
Anyway, I haven't had my baby yet. I do know that the first time I saw my baby wriggling on a scan, I was filled with a fiercer, more intense love unlike anything I'd ever known. I'm aware that not all pregnant women feel this way, and before getting pregnant, I probably would have dismissed such feelings too. However, it gives me hope that the people who say 'it's hard but worth it' are not lying.
I will not have the same life I had post-children as before I had them. But in all honesty, as my friends have all started families, my life has already changed. The friends I go out with in the evenings now are about 10 years younger than me. Life will change, regardless of whether one has kids.
One thing I know is that one day the childfree community will be dependent on other people's grown children. They will expect other people's grown children to provide them with healthcare and nursing homes. They will depend on other people's offspring to pay taxes and to run the country. They will want other people's grown children to provide goods and services for consumption.
Pursuing a childfree lifestyle is fine, and certainly having children isn't for everyone. But comments about not being a 'man's legal concubine' and a 'baby factory' are truly absurd.