Social services removed children

[Luluhere]

Hi my children was removed from me 12 years ago
I’m now with a new partner would they be involved if I was to have another I’m 42 years old so lot more mature and changed my life all my children are over 18 now and support our decision to try for another baby

Totally depends if the reason why they were taken into care remains or not.
So neglect because of severe depression but you are now stable and settled, then it could be fine. The same if you were a drug user or alcoholic and are now long-term sober. Or if you were with a violent partner and your current partner is lovely and kind.
But SS will expect you to have insight into why your children were taken into care and why it cant happen again e.g. what would you do if you started feeling down so your kids were not neglected? The answer might be, my partner would look after them and I would get help from my GP.

Not sure if the OP will be back, but I agree with others. A lot depends on context and nobody here can say for sure.

@GabsAlot

depends i know someone who had their dc removed fro neglect and then got them back 3 years later had a further child and they didnt even quesiton it

But how do you know that for sure?

@Egghead81 might be true if the reason for neglect was a one-off situation that could not reoccur. Or if they were incredibly young e.g. 16 with no support.

[quote fiheka]@Egghead81 might be true if the reason for neglect was a one-off situation that could not reoccur. Or if they were incredibly young e.g. 16 with no support.[/quote]
I’m not saying it couldn’t occur
I’m asking how this poster knows something like this about “someone I know”

Perhaps this person doesn’t broadcast SS involvement in her present situation

@Egghead81 true. With Social Services involvement you rarely get told the truth. I know from personal experience when a family member had social services involvement. We only found out the truth when it went to court and the details were in the newspaper.

[quote fiheka]@Egghead81 true. With Social Services involvement you rarely get told the truth. I know from personal experience when a family member had social services involvement. We only found out the truth when it went to court and the details were in the newspaper.[/quote]
Exactly

The parent with a child being removed is not exactly objective.

I take these threads and posters with a pinch of salt. Without hearing the other side, it’s futile.

@egghead81 I am not sure what you are asking or why you are asking or what your concerns or doubts are? If you give more details I might be able to answer but you could google recovery too, there is quite a lot of info available, interviews with and talks by psychiatrists etc.

How long have you been with your new partner?
What sort of parenting record does he have?
What sort of improvements in your life and perspective have happened since your older children were removed from your care?

If you are serious about this and want to do the completely responsible thing for any potential child, talk it over with a social worker or your GP while still in the planning stage.

OP for all we know you may have beaten your kids, sexually abused them, or not fed and clothed them. You havent provided enough information for anyone to know what might happen if you were to have another child. But social services dont take children away for something minor as I'm sure you know.

If I were you I wouldnt have any more children. You've let down your other children and not brought them up, why should you have even more ? Sorry its harsh but just how I feel.

@Egghead81
Exactly The parent with a child being removed is not exactly objective.
I take these threads and posters with a pinch of salt. Without hearing the other side, it’s futile I think reading the OP properly would help. The OP asked if future dc would (automatically) be removed. Thankfully she has had some sensible advice about how it works, that she would be assessed. It is as simple as that.

There are many different reasons why dc might be removed, and some birth parents can make the changes necessary, whether it be education or counselling or other, and some will always be considered high risk.

@Egghead81
Exactly The parent with a child being removed is not exactly objective. I take these threads and posters with a pinch of salt. Without hearing the other side, it’s futile I think reading the OP properly would help. The OP asked if future dc would (automatically) be removed. Thankfully she has had some sensible advice about how it works, that she would be assessed. It is as simple as that.

There are many different reasons why dc might be removed, and some birth parents can make the changes necessary, whether it be education or counselling or other, and some will always be considered high risk

I personally wouldn't have a child at 42 at all. That would be reason enough not to for me.

Sorry but I agree with @Honeybobbin. Yes there are maybe some exceptional cases with a very young parent, or extreme circumstances.

But generally if you have your children removed by social services should you go on to have more? No.

OP offering was that she is 'more mature' now, as if immaturity is any sort of reasonable explanation.

People with your level of ignorance should not be working with children in care

Actually, people who put the safety and well-being of the children in their care over the feelings of the adults in the situation are exactly the people we should have in those positions.
The real issues come up when professionals are more concerned with hurting an adult’s feelings over what is best for the children.

@Luluhere You could ask them what your chances of being able to keep the baby are before you try for it. That way you save yourself the potential heartbreak of having the baby taken away

I have a friend who had her kids taken off her due to having been in an abusive relationship she's no longer in, and it was unjust, so I wouldn't judge you for what they did without knowing anything about what happened.

At 42 your chances of getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term will be considerably reduced compared to those of the average woman of childbearing age, of course.

[quote me4real]@Luluhere You could ask them what your chances of being able to keep the baby are before you try for it. That way you save yourself the potential heartbreak of having the baby taken away

I have a friend who had her kids taken off her due to having been in an abusive relationship she's no longer in, and it was unjust, so I wouldn't judge you for what they did without knowing anything about what happened.

At 42 your chances of getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term will be considerably reduced compared to those of the average woman of childbearing age, of course.[/quote]
I’ve worked in domestic violence and seen the effect being in that environment has on children. Mothers (generalising for the sake of this example) are given many chances and a great deal of support because removing children is a last resort. If that mother refuses to terminate the violent relationship despite this support, it is not unjust to remove children. Their lives are at risk.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

People with your level of ignorance should not be working with children in care

Actually, people who put the safety and well-being of the children in their care over the feelings of the adults in the situation are exactly the people we should have in those positions.
The real issues come up when professionals are more concerned with hurting an adult’s feelings over what is best for the children.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken. Of course you need people who put the safety and well being of children over those of adults, and of course professionals should not be more concerned with hurting an adults feelings over what is best for children. No one has said otherwise, and the poster gave no indication she had the skills to be able to actually do that though - what specifically did she say that you agreed with?

A woman in my extended family had her first two children in very chaotic circumstances, both were exposed to many things they never should have been and we're neglected and abused in many ways.
She had not had an abusive childhood as such, though there was some fractures in her family relationships (divorced parents, an estranged sibling) and her father (main carer) took a liberal attitude to parenting, so when she went off the rails in her teens, getting involved with a bad crowd etc she was not guided back to the straight and narrow.
Her children saw domestic abuse, drug taking, violence, the list goes on, through her bad choices. They ended up in and out of care. One ended up in prison for knife crime, one became a teen parent whose own child had to be removed.
She however managed to straighten herself out and had another child, she finally woke up to the fact that her troubles were self inflicted and avoidable (she says herself). She was a totally different mother and the third child was well cared for and doing fine. Which is all well and good, and thank goodness for that. However the first two children who had suffered SO much because of her, had to watch their half sibling receive a totally different kind of nurture and love than they ever got and my heart just goes out to them as they have a relationship with their younger sibling who has no idea what they were put through and can't comprehend why their feelings to their mother are complicated. The damage they are living with us just awful and now they watch as she has another go and gets it (more) right this time. I don't know how they cope with that. I think it was utterly cruel to put them through a lifetime of extreme emotional abuse and then have them watch while a half sibling gets the life they should have had. 😭

@RealisticSketch I completely agree. How heartbreakingly sad. Making things right with the children you have should always be your priority, no matter their age. Not having more.

In cases of domestic abuses I think that it is fine to have support from SS and the charities who can provide a "safe" place to stay. That may work for some.
It needs to be acknowledged that the problem stems from the domestic abuser and that sanctions have to be put in place to ensure that the abuser is dealt with very effectively if they try to trace the woman and DC.
Maybe SS should try dealing with abusive men before expecting a woman who has had years of all sorts of abuses to be able to stand up to her abuser. Some social workers are big on what a woman should or should not do but they have to try it first to know how hard it is when a woman is beaten down if all respects after years of abuse

@User57327259

In cases of domestic abuses I think that it is fine to have support from SS and the charities who can provide a "safe" place to stay. That may work for some. It needs to be acknowledged that the problem stems from the domestic abuser and that sanctions have to be put in place to ensure that the abuser is dealt with very effectively if they try to trace the woman and DC. Maybe SS should try dealing with abusive men before expecting a woman who has had years of all sorts of abuses to be able to stand up to her abuser. Some social workers are big on what a woman should or should not do but they have to try it first to know how hard it is when a woman is beaten down if all respects after years of abuse

Very well said, I couldn't agree more.

From somebody who has been there, thank you for getting it.

I’ve worked in domestic violence and seen the effect being in that environment has on children. Mothers (generalising for the sake of this example) are given many chances and a great deal of support because removing children is a last resort. If that mother refuses to terminate the violent relationship despite this support, it is not unjust to remove children. Their lives are at risk.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Yes, I was saying in my particular friend's case it's a long story but it was a gross miscarriage of justice including lots of lying by professionals. They got her date of birth mixed up with that of a career criminal, and even after they acknowledged she wasn't this other woman (my friend's a CPN!) they carried on acting as if she was.

I was just saying that sometimes it genuinely is not just, so I would never judge any woman who's had her child taken away without being 100% sure that it seemed like the right thing to do.

It's like they give drug addicts and other women who don't look after their children numerous chances, but my friend, the didn't like her face from the start.

Errors, lies and corruption due happen.

My mum worked as a social worker, so I know they're not all like that.

But look at things like the 'Satanic Ritual Abuse' blood libel in the 80s/90s. Children were taken into care based on deluded professionals believing stuff that wasn't the case and taking children off these supposed baby-sacrificing Satanists (the families were none of this.) The social workers did all sorts, because they'd wrongly decided the families were evil, and they believed the ends justified the means of lying and splitting families etc.

It might all be rare, but there are a few corrupt and vindictive bad eggs in social work just like there are in any other profession.

'errors etc do happen'