Social services removed children

[Luluhere]

Hi my children was removed from me 12 years ago
I’m now with a new partner would they be involved if I was to have another I’m 42 years old so lot more mature and changed my life all my children are over 18 now and support our decision to try for another baby

[quote Honeybobbin]@Fixitup2 I have every sympathy with your 14 year old but the OP was 30 when her kids were removed, so very, very different.

I work with kids (young adults mainly) who are in various stages of the care system and no matter what kind of relationship they manage to rebuild with their birth parents, there is always, without exception, severe damage that cannot be undone. And lots of these parents go on to have more children and it never goes well.[/quote]
I feel like putting this in capitals, because your wrong thinking here is so very, very wrong, but i will resist.

I was removed at 5 and I am not severely damaged.

In relation to undoing harm, yes children can recover from any developmental trauma caused (though probably not if they only encounter people who do not have sufficient skills to help them, such as you, based on your posts)

People with your level of ignorance should not be working with children in care, but sadly, people are desperately needed to work with children in care (or after being in care) and it is often people with inadequate skills, knowledge, awareness, understanding, competence, like you, based on your posts, who they get.

My biological mother went on to parent again successfully.

@RightOnTheEdge

There was a couple round the corner from me who had their children removed and adopted. He still bangs on about it on Facebook saying how his children were stolen by SS because they steal innocent people's children for profit 🙄 He puts their photos up asking if anyone has seen them. There are loads of rumours about why they were taken but he says they weren't abused they were neglected. I think it has to be pretty extreme neglect for them to be removed but I'm not an expert. This was probably about 5 or 6 years ago. The couple separated some time after this and I now see the woman walking around every day with two little boys. A toddler and one in a pram.

I don't know if you deserve a second chance or not OP or why your children were taken but this woman has obviously been allowed to have more children and keep them with her.

Yes it would have to be extreme neglect. But he may be lying. He is hardly going to tell people he abused his children. Also some people do not see what they do as abuse e.g. I only give him a clip when he has been naughty aka father punches 5 year old for making too much noise when playing happily.

i wouldnt have thought so,
time will tell i spose.
12 years is a long time.

The above was to @Honeybobbin

but @Honeybobbin you only see the ones you need to be involved with

@wellyoudbewrongthere did you choose to have contact with your bio mother later on? Feel free to tell me to mind my own business ofc

@Honeybobbin you cannot say those harsh things in rl but you want to say them on here, to a stranger?

I don't think judgement is at all helpful. Twelve years have past so it could well be that the situation (perhaps adiction, untreated mental illness etc) that made OP unable to care for her children has completely changed. That being the case the best thing to do is simply be honest and engage with social services.

The best thing to do is simply be honest and engage with social services.

Yes, this with bells on.

OP I work in child protection would massively depend on circumstances but we would get a referral and do an assessment before baby arrived. It would look at your current situation and whether whatever happened in the past might happen again. There would also be a period of monitoring after birth and probably a safety plan of some sort. The focus on keeping children with their family is now more to the forefront of as in some areas (Google signs of safety approach) so it might be a different experience As far as working with SS is concerned.

[quote BumpOnWheels]@wellyoudbewrongthere did you choose to have contact with your bio mother later on? Feel free to tell me to mind my own business ofc[/quote]
I don't mind answering at all @BumpOnWheels
Yes I did choose to have contact. There were somethings to iron out, issues to work through, I got to understand what happened and why it happened and my bio mother was honest about where she made poor choices. This was a long time ago now. As adults we get on well and my (bio) dc adore her in fact - there is a bond.

We adopted 2 children removed from neglect and a home with DV.

Without having to try to care for 2 young children, their birth mum slowly managed to turn her life around, break away from her violent partner, found a new partner, and eventually they had a child. They worked with SS to show her situation was different from before and hopefully the child, my DCs half sibling will carry on being able to stay with them. I really, really hope so.

Best wishes

[quote Honeybobbin]@itsgettingwierd no idea what you mean by midget. I can absolutely assure you that my kids will never need to be removed from me.
But this is not about me, or you, or the OP for a matter of fact. It's about a potential child being born to someone who has already been seen as an unfit parent for some reason. Honestly, OP, if you have sorted your life out and have a good relationship with your children then just be happy and enjoy that. Having more children would be a selfish decision.[/quote]
If you developed a mental illness that caused you to become a danger to your children and had no support then you could very well have them removed, even temporarily. But hey, you continue to assume all children are removed because their mother is a feckless junkie or a child beater.

You should call SS in your area OP. I'm a social worker, albeit not in the UK (but we've a very similar system) and we do NOT screen new babies automatically due to history. There would have to be some current concern and the hospital would have to have some reason to even notify us.

Peoples circumstances change. There has to be legal grounds for involvement. There are always a lot of common assumptions and misconceptions around what SS do or don't do - so call and chat up your local office and get some first hand advice to put your mind at ease.

You are more than just the sum of your mistakes OP - best of luck

@wellyoudbewrongthere Thank you for answering, your post made me smile (and gives me hope!)

I'm really pleased you were able to get closure and have a positive relationship with her. All the best.

Please make things right and properly work through any trauma with your current children first.

Yes they will be involved, and it will look much better on your part of you contact them as soon as you know you are pregnant, are open with your midwife. If you contact them it shows awareness etc. As long as your circumstances genuinely have changed from when you are 30 and you partner is on the level/not a drug dealer or in and out of prison then they’ll have some contact with you and then sign you off and wish you well/say well done for turning your life around.

How can the OP have been 30 if she is 42 now and all her children are over 18?

She is 42. The children were removed 12 years ago, when she was 30.

Sorry missed your next post

Why were they taken away and how long have the issues which resulted in that happening been resolved for?

Also I think it would be a very nice thing for you to do if you took a child out of the care system that looked after yours for you.

If you weren't mature enough at 30 (or any age, 21 or older) then I don't think your age now makes a difference. It's more about specifically what has changed in your lifestyle or outlook I'd say.

Yes ss will probably need to do an initial assessment. If they think circumstances have changed and the child is safe they will probably leave you alone or may pass you on to another service who may offer support/check in with you to make sure things are ok. Despite some of the stories out there ss are not in a rush to get involved with families or remove children unless they feel they are in immediate danger.

As for those jumping on op because she was 30 when her kids were removed so it must be 'drugs, alcohol or neglect' I can honestly say it isn't always drugs or alcohol. My sister had a mental breakdown at 29. For a few days she was completely out of it and could potentially have harmed her children without realising it and had her children removed from her temporarily. There are many reasons why parents find themselves unable to cope and it is possible to turn things around.

If you have indeed changed your life and the reasons why your previous children were removed no longer exist then there is no reason why you can your partner can't move on and start a family.

Social work will do an assessment and may provide some support to begin with.

Good luck OP - hope it goes well for you.

Funny you say that @Honeybobbin because I work in this area, and am not so arrogant as to believe it could never happen to me. Mental health crises could befall anyone for example. I don’t believe I am immune to it, though I’m lucky to have a support network but that’s not to say something could happen and police protection be taken for a night or two for instance.

At 42 your chances of conception are low. I am not sure if removal of children is a factor for NHS conception intervention.