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Original poster

Social services removed children

182 replies

Luluhere · 08/05/2021 12:35

Hi my children was removed from me 12 years ago
I’m now with a new partner would they be involved if I was to have another I’m 42 years old so lot more mature and changed my life all my children are over 18 now and support our decision to try for another baby

OP posts:
sadfanny · 08/05/2021 13:39

do exist.

We have no idea why the op's kids were removed or what her new partner is like.

notapizzaeater · 08/05/2021 13:52

No one here will know, can you speak to SS and see what they say

BumpOnWheels · 08/05/2021 14:00

Honestly I don't think you should have more children. It's not something you should get a second chance at.

How incredibly ignorant are you?

OP, when I was 19 I had a baby removed at birth citing risk of future emotional harm. In my case their concerns were largely due to the father and domestic abuse towards me. I wasn't able to keep myself or a baby safe and had zero support. Horrific time of my life and I did my best to fight for my son but it wasn't good enough, i wasn't good enough - back then.

10 years later I'm a mother of two, and a good one at that.

When I was pregnant with my middle child I referred myself to SS for an assessment, new area new SS department - the outcome was no involvement nessecary.

I have been parenting my children full time with no SS concerns or intervention.

Was your other child taken because of concerns about you personally or was it domestic abuse? With me, one of the things that stood me in good standing with SS was how I had totally distanced myself from ex partner, settled down with a nice normal man and did an abundance of work on myself and my personal boundaries / DV courses.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Allllchange · 08/05/2021 14:00

There have been plenty of times parents have managed to turn things around in that space of time and be allowed to keep another child. One big factor can be the relationship you were and are in, eg abusive ex partner and supportive current partner, or if poor mental health that the current partner is supportive and can provide care if the other parent can't, or if previous mental health difficulties have reduced for whatever reason or was previously using substances but now isn't. Your best bet is to be honest and cooperate with assessments and be clear what has changed and that you have an understanding of why previous kids were removed. Hope it all goes well x

Allllchange · 08/05/2021 14:01

@BumpOnWheels Well done to you!!!

BumpOnWheels · 08/05/2021 14:06

[quote Allllchange]@BumpOnWheels Well done to you!!![/quote]
Thank you very much Smile

andivfmakes3 · 08/05/2021 14:07

So you were aged 30 when you had your children removed? How have you matured between age 30 and 42 because age 30 you arent a naïve teenager who had got herself in a bad situation - removing children is a last resort - usually if the mother has shown they can't or won't make the change to ensure the children's safety such as staying with an abusive partner - faced with the choice most people would be out of there like a shot to keep their children? So that would leave drink or drugs or neglect - or all 3? Which fair enough if you are now clean then the necessary changes have been made?

Elieza · 08/05/2021 14:13

How long have you been with your present partner? That’s the first thing to think about when considering bringing a human life into the world.

I wouldn’t suggest anyone tries for a baby until they have been with their partner for a good long time, like a few years, and are in a stable relationship. That they know each other really well and are likely to stay the course together, knowing each other’s flaws etc.

So if that doesn’t apply here and you’ve only been together since lockdown last year it if you’ve been dating a couple of years but barely see each other due to lockdowns (and don’t know each other that well) I’d suggest you don’t try for a baby.

Because you are 42 it could be that this could be your hormones talking, as you are at an age which you know it’s now or never. It may even be too late already. Your hormones could be making you feel like this. Mine did that to me. I ignored them as I knew a baby wasn’t right for me at my age.

The chances of having a disabled baby rise with parents age too. Could you cope with a baby needing extra care into childhood and perhaps adulthood?

Bad things may have happened in the past which made you unable to care properly for your children but you can’t change that.

There’s a lot more to consider than whether the ss would be involved or not.

TheCrowening · 08/05/2021 14:48

To answer your question at the basic level: yes social workers will be involved because of the history, they’ll need to assess your current circumstances, that doesn’t mean they’ll need to stay involved.

The outcome really depends on the reasons your children were removed and how able you are to evidence sustained change.

omgthepain · 08/05/2021 14:51

I'm a great believer in giving people a second chance especially if they've changed their lives round

All depends on the reasons

If the children were removed say because you were an extreme hoarder and the house was unsafe - and your house is still like this now then I'd say no but if you e de cluttered and sorted yourself out then yes

l2b2 · 08/05/2021 14:57

@Honeybobbin
Can you not conceive situations where children are taken into care through no parental fault? Both parents could be terminally ill /die and they may be no other family.
I don't think you should be smug as to say there are no circumstances where your DC would be removed from you.

Dontbeme · 08/05/2021 15:03

I'm a great believer in giving people a second chance especially if they've changed their lives round

Seconds chances should absolutely be given to people that have changed, but the flip side to that is that the strength of this character rehabilitation will be tried out on a new baby, and is it fair to make a new child a crash test dummy for someone? I would speak to SS OP, they will have a more complete history and understanding of your particular case than anyone here. They can best advise you on what to expect and then you can make a decision based on that.

RightOnTheEdge · 08/05/2021 15:07

There was a couple round the corner from me who had their children removed and adopted. He still bangs on about it on Facebook saying how his children were stolen by SS because they steal innocent people's children for profit 🙄
He puts their photos up asking if anyone has seen them. There are loads of rumours about why they were taken but he says they weren't abused they were neglected. I think it has to be pretty extreme neglect for them to be removed but I'm not an expert.
This was probably about 5 or 6 years ago.
The couple separated some time after this and I now see the woman walking around every day with two little boys. A toddler and one in a pram.

I don't know if you deserve a second chance or not OP or why your children were taken but this woman has obviously been allowed to have more children and keep them with her.

OverTheRubicon · 08/05/2021 15:12

Others have given examples of teenagers having babies taken away. You were 30, with multiple children all age 6 and over. I am sure that there are people who can entirely turn their lives around despite being that deep in a hole - but the number of those is vanishingly small. Wanting a child now with someone you've only been with a short time doesn't entirely suggest stability now either.

Even if things are completely different now, how will this impact your older DCs? They have been through massive trauma, even if they say they're ok that could also be fear of losing you again. Even if they're ok with it now, they're likely to feel very different if they see you loving and looking after a child when they suffered extreme neglect, or worse (and unfortunately far more common) see the signs that the new baby might become a victim too.

It's so impressive that you've made so many changes to your life and I do really hope that whatever you proceed with can turn out ok.

lurker69 · 08/05/2021 15:13

Yes they will be informed and decide if they need to be involved!

flashylamp · 08/05/2021 15:14

Can you not conceive situations where children are taken into care through no parental fault? Both parents could be terminally ill /die and they may be no other family.

In this situation though the children were removed from the mothers care. Being placed in care and being removed from your parent are not the same, although they do go hand in hand.

Newnamefor2021 · 08/05/2021 15:15

It depends on the reasons involved in their removal. I've seen people go on to have more children when previous children have been removed. If SS are happy there would be no reason for them to keep track as long as they don't have concerns.

rwalker · 08/05/2021 15:18

Defiantly involved at first then they will assess and continue involvement if appropriate .

BumpOnWheels · 08/05/2021 15:22

Are you able to give a little more info as to why your children were removed OP?

I can try to advise as best I can based on my own experiences (plus there are alot of knowledgeable folk on MN, including social workers etc) but it's hard to advise when your only post is so vague.

Was it domestic abuse, mental health, neglect, substance misuse?

If your circumstances have changed substantially and you're in a much better place now then I wish you the very best of luck.

bellie710 · 08/05/2021 15:23

@andivfmakes3

So you were aged 30 when you had your children removed? How have you matured between age 30 and 42 because age 30 you arent a naïve teenager who had got herself in a bad situation - removing children is a last resort - usually if the mother has shown they can't or won't make the change to ensure the children's safety such as staying with an abusive partner - faced with the choice most people would be out of there like a shot to keep their children? So that would leave drink or drugs or neglect - or all 3? Which fair enough if you are now clean then the necessary changes have been made?
How can the OP have been 30 if she is 42 now and all her children are over 18? She doesn't mention how many kids so if she only had one which she doesn't she would have been a maximum of 24 although it would suggest a lot younger.
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 08/05/2021 15:24

I think you're getting a bit of a rough time OP. You say that you've 'changed your life' so I assume that means that the factors that meant that your DC were removed are no longer present. So long as you can take a brutally realistic look at your lifestyle and can objectively say that there are no concerns then it's possible. By 'no concerns' I mean now, at this moment and every day, there are no concerns, not 'if I have a baby I will/won't do X'.

Both of my DC's birth mothers went on to have children that have stayed with them because they genuinely turned their lives around, and I am very happy for them. So it is possible.

bellie710 · 08/05/2021 15:25

@andivfmakes3

So you were aged 30 when you had your children removed? How have you matured between age 30 and 42 because age 30 you arent a naïve teenager who had got herself in a bad situation - removing children is a last resort - usually if the mother has shown they can't or won't make the change to ensure the children's safety such as staying with an abusive partner - faced with the choice most people would be out of there like a shot to keep their children? So that would leave drink or drugs or neglect - or all 3? Which fair enough if you are now clean then the necessary changes have been made?
Sorry I misread that, missed what she said about being 30!
LemonPeonies · 08/05/2021 15:28

It completely depends on the circumstances. Neglect or abuse is very different to getting clean or leaving an abusive relationship etc.

Worldwide2 · 08/05/2021 15:32

I think ss will definitely be involved but once they see you are capable they will close their case with you
No one on here knows the details of why your children were removed. Every case is individual. Some ppl turn their lives around and go on to be good parents some do not. SS will decide if you have changed enough.

Couchbettato · 08/05/2021 15:39

I think if your situation has changed completely OP you'll have minimal involvement but it is certain they'll need that reassurance.

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