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Parenting

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Social services removed children

182 replies

Luluhere · 08/05/2021 12:35

Hi my children was removed from me 12 years ago
I’m now with a new partner would they be involved if I was to have another I’m 42 years old so lot more mature and changed my life all my children are over 18 now and support our decision to try for another baby

OP posts:
shinynewapple21 · 08/05/2021 16:47

@ConfusedAdultFemale

You’re asked at your booking in appointment if you’ve had social services involvement before, they make an automatic referral to them if you have. But that doesn’t mean they’re going to take your baby away, as PP have said they may be involved for a short while after baby arrives and provided they’re happy you’re providing good care, a safe home and meeting all their needs then they’ll discharge you Flowers

Agree with what @ConfusedAdultFemale says here . Good luck x

Ohdoleavemealone · 08/05/2021 16:51

They will have some involvement but that doesn't mean they will remove the child. My DD is adopted. 3 Months after the courts told her she couldn't have her back as she was an unfit mother, she gave birth and took the baby home.
She had a new partner and was able to prove herself over the following months. We don't know what happened years down the line (4 years ago) but at the time she kept him.

MouseholeCat · 08/05/2021 16:54

OP, you could always proactively speak with SS about this. They may not be able to have a detailed conversation, but I'm sure they'll answer process questions.

People aren't defined by their past circumstances. There are lots of things that can happen to a person that lead to dire circumstances, but don't represent all that a person is capable of.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

TableFlowerss · 08/05/2021 16:59

@Honeybobbin

I'm not in any way perfect. And I'm not smug. I'm just honest. For every one of you that is falling over yourself to berate me there are 100 others nodding along who agree with me but can't be arsed getting involved.
I’ve got to agree with you. People may say you’re harsh on the OP, but it’s not what’s best for the OP, it’s what best for a child.
Lovemusic33 · 08/05/2021 17:03

I don’t think OP is coming back, she has got her answer. Yes SS would be involved.

I think in OP’s situation I would be concentrating on building bridges with the children I already have rather than having more.

I know someone who had their children taken from them, they were given many chances to make things right and to make the children’s home a safe place but they refused to make those changes. Social services don’t just take away kids for the sake of it, it’s quite a long drawn out process involving courts and children are only removed if they are at risk of harm.

Raising kids over 40 is going to be a lot harder than it was in yours 20’s and 30’s. Not saying people can’t change because occasionally they can but if parenting isn’t something that comes naturally to you it’s unlikely that will change once your 40+.

itsgettingwierd · 08/05/2021 17:03

[quote Honeybobbin]@itsgettingwierd no idea what you mean by midget. I can absolutely assure you that my kids will never need to be removed from me.
But this is not about me, or you, or the OP for a matter of fact. It's about a potential child being born to someone who has already been seen as an unfit parent for some reason. Honestly, OP, if you have sorted your life out and have a good relationship with your children then just be happy and enjoy that. Having more children would be a selfish decision.[/quote]
You absolutely cannot guarantee that. You cannot know you will not have something like a nervous breakdown in a few years or develop a mental health problem like schizophrenia and be unable to care for yourself - let alone them.

So don't judge.

itsgettingwierd · 08/05/2021 17:04

And midget was meant to be Judgy!

maddiemookins16mum · 08/05/2021 17:05

@Honeybobbin

I'm not in any way perfect. And I'm not smug. I'm just honest. For every one of you that is falling over yourself to berate me there are 100 others nodding along who agree with me but can't be arsed getting involved.
Yep, this.
partyatthepalace · 08/05/2021 17:06

@Honeybobbin

I'm not in any way perfect. And I'm not smug. I'm just honest. For every one of you that is falling over yourself to berate me there are 100 others nodding along who agree with me but can't be arsed getting involved.
You are being bonkers. It’s 12 years ago, not 2. That’s a long time in a person’s life to make changes. Few people will be nodding along with you because you are being deeply irrational.
C130 · 08/05/2021 17:14

[quote l2b2]@Honeybobbin
Can you not conceive situations where children are taken into care through no parental fault? Both parents could be terminally ill /die and they may be no other family.
I don't think you should be smug as to say there are no circumstances where your DC would be removed from you. [/quote]
This. I would never be so arrogant as that poster.

bluebluezoo · 08/05/2021 17:14

Off topic, but find this thread a very interesting read after a recent thread which said men should never have second families if they couldn’t parent the first one “properly”.

Upamountain43 · 08/05/2021 17:14

My son in laws mother had six children removed from her care from 3 different partners before she met his father and had him.

He remained in her care from birth until he left home at 18. Whilst she was not the perfect mother she was better than many i know who have never had social services involvement.

Fixitup2 · 08/05/2021 17:19

@bluebluezoo

Off topic, but find this thread a very interesting read after a recent thread which said men should never have second families if they couldn’t parent the first one “properly”.
To me the difference is the Dads still have the chance to parent the first family but write it off, people who have their children removed get to write a letter a year and no chance to get them back when things improve if the child has been adopted. So it’s a completely different scenario. The OP also sounds like she has a good relationship with her other kids now as they support this idea.
andivfmakes3 · 08/05/2021 17:28

I think one of the reasons why someone shouldn't be given a second chance is if it involved sexual abuse - so the mother knew about it and didn't act etc I have known a mother who chose to stand by her husband - the children's step father (who was convicted) and the children were duly removed. It shows poor judgment and a willingness not to safeguard your child and if you weren't going to act at 30 I can't see how then being 42 would make any difference

osbertthesyrianhamster · 08/05/2021 17:34

@lostlife

At 42 your chances of conception are low. I am not sure if removal of children is a factor for NHS conception intervention.
Maybe not but many have a cut off of age 41 and no previous living children.
BlackDaffodil · 08/05/2021 17:35

Good luck OP .. 🌸

Egghead81 · 08/05/2021 17:36

@wellyoudbewrongthere

* In relation to undoing harm, yes children can recover from any developmental trauma caused (though probably not if they only encounter people who do not have sufficient skills to help them, such as you, based on your posts)*

How do you define “recover”?

Livelovebehappy · 08/05/2021 17:38

Not sure why so many people on here are telling OP to go for it, when they don’t know why the children were removed, and the OP hasn’t been back to volunteer the information. Would you still be saying the same if OP for example had been physically or mentally abusive towards her DC?

PottyTrainingissues · 08/05/2021 17:42

@lostlife

At 42 your chances of conception are low. I am not sure if removal of children is a factor for NHS conception intervention.
What is conception intervention?
TolkiensFallow · 08/05/2021 17:42

OP if you do come back, please speak to children’s services before conceiving. Explain the situation and ask to have a serious discussion about it with them. If need be you could pay privately for an independent social worker to do a pre birth report which would give you an idea of the recommendations- you would need to give full disclosure though.

If I’m honest - if you were young and unable to prioritise their needs above your own or in an abusive relationship which put them at risk and have now left, social services are likely to offer support. However if for example you sexually abused them, it’s very very unlikely you would be permitted to keep any baby ever. These are polarised examples to demonstrate that without knowing the full story, no one can advise on the outcome but the quick answer is that your midwife would definitely refer you for a pre-birth assessment.

CutieBear · 08/05/2021 17:45

Why were they taken away? You must have done something very horrific and dangerous for several DC to be taken from you. Without context, we don’t know if you’ll be putting yet another DC in danger.

Egghead81 · 08/05/2021 17:46

@Upamountain43

My son in laws mother had six children removed from her care from 3 different partners before she met his father and had him.

He remained in her care from birth until he left home at 18. Whilst she was not the perfect mother she was better than many i know who have never had social services involvement.

Goodness, that must be quite a collection of mothers you know
Defaultname · 08/05/2021 17:47

[quote BowserJr]@Honeybobbin the irony is that you are only in work because of parents whose children have ended up in care. Interesting way of looking at it, don't you think? Bad parents keep you in biscuits.

As someone who has experience of the care system, you would understand that just because someone's children are removed from them, it is not always the case that they are never allowed to see their children ever again. Or that the children are never returned.[/quote]
In theory-this may be out date-the 1989 Children Act had a principle of non-intervention with regard to families.There has to be good reason for child-removals. Looked-after child meetings should be held twice a rear after Care Orders are applied for, and one of the subjects under discussion is the possibility of the family being reunited.
In practice it can be a bit different. Two of my three children were in the care of my partner after we separated. One of them had severe learning-disability with a mental age of five (non-vocal) at the age of sixteen. To my amazement, he contrived to run home to me four times (it was five minutes running-time for him, straight across the road). Social services continued to press for my partner to be the resident parent despite this, and at a Care hearing gave "a possible lack of deference" by me as a cause for not returning the children. (My partner was desperately ill with lung cancer and died weeks after the Order was made, but was the Resident Parent, though by that time in a hospice, to the end).
Though the law stated that returning the children and ending the Care Order had to be discussed at the reviews, the section on this in the agenda was always struck-through with a biro prior to the meeting.

I have continued to have shared-care with the council for 14 years now (all three sons are adults) including overnights each week with the two held by the council.

Oh. And a seven weeks after my sons were removed, Ofsted put the council into Special Measures, in part for using child removals "as a first rather than a last resort" and having a far higher rate of removal than similar councils. As far as I know there was never a review of any of the Orders, and none of the children were returned to their families prior to reaching adulthood.

RightOnTheEdge · 08/05/2021 17:49

fiheka
Oh totally. I've no idea why they were taken away and I wouldn't believe anything that person says.
People accuse them of sexually abusing the kids and they fling back that it wasn't that it was neglect like that's ok.
Then they say they were a perfect, normal parent and rants online about SS being child snatchers who steal children to make money.
They have continued to be a very controversial figure in the town but their ex partner has gone on to have and keep the two children she had with a different partner just a few years later.

GabsAlot · 08/05/2021 17:50

depends i know someone who had their dc removed fro neglect and then got them back 3 years later had a further child and they didnt even quesiton it