My ex hasn’t invited me to his wedding, do I have a right to be hurt?

[Rebeccajf]

I know this might sounds crazy to most people out there but I just need other peoples advice on this!
My ex and I split up almost four years ago, he was cheating and left me for another woman. I was distraught and it took nearly a year but I’m now safely over him. No romantic feelings at all.
Looking back out relationship was quite unhealthy and probably should have ended sooner (together ten years) anyway he’s had many girlfriends/ sexual partners over the last few years and I’ve always been fine with them all.
He met his most recent woman just before Xmas, they are already buying a house together and planning their lives, I’m happy for him although I know him well and think it’s very quick but he says he’s happy so I keep quiet.
Now, since we split up we have become incredibly close as friends. We have children together so we see each other a lot for that but although I have best friends already, I do consider him a close friend. We talk constantly, go on days out with the children, even without them. We have supported each other financially when each other of us have needed help. He always tells me and his family/ friends that I’m his best friend and we even go away and stay at his family’s home together (his parents live near the seaside). He came to me last week and said he’s going to propose to his new girlfriend, I think it’s too quick but didn’t tell him that. I said I’d support him whatever he chooses to do. Today he came over to tell our children he is going to get married and they were talking about the wedding/ seating plan and my oldest said ‘but where does mum sit’ and he replied ‘I’d imagine at home’
I have to admit this really cut me up, not much normally does but this really quite hurts me. We are so close there’s nothing we don’t know about each other and he’s open about his closeness to me so I guess I’m hurt that he wouldn’t invite me to his wedding. Even just the evening but nothing. Apparently it’s just my job to make sure the kids get there on time and picked up in the evening.
I know this must sound mad but our relationship is history I don’t consider him an ex I just consider him a friend, guess I just wonder other people opinions on this?
Thanks

I wouldn't have my ex at a wedding even if we were friends and had kids together. I don't think it's fair on the other person and could cause fiction. Weddings are about moving forwards, not backwards.
Sorry OP but I don't think you have a right to be upset.

Imagine being the new wife on her wedding day and her husband’s ex is sitting there! I mean, sometimes it’s okay but I’d imagine the majority of brides and grooms would keep ex partners away from their wedding.

You're very unreasonable, remember there are two people getting married, does his fiancé's feelings not matter to you? How do you think she would feel having you there on HER wedding day? You're his ex and the mother of his children, of course she won't want you there, what woman would.

I agree with @acceptableinthe80sx OP! As friendly as you may be (which is great to have such a good co-parenting relationship!) - he’s getting married and the day is about him and his new wife. Maybe she’d find it uncomfortable having you there? Maybe her family would find it uncomfortable? Plus...regardless of how friendly you are you would be the one that’s whispered about all night (“ohh THATS the ex...” etc). Why would you want to be there?

Assuming you split custody, If I were you I would do my part by making sure the kids were at his for any fittings etc they needed to be at then I would wish them well for the day.

Yes - it is your job to make sure the children get there. No other role. It is rather bizarre to want to go! Are you still really wanting him? Sounds like it. He has moved on and you need to. I would just be happy if his new wife is dent and gets on well with dc. Attending the wedding is a step too far.

Dent? Decent....

As the new wife, I wouldn’t want my husband’s ex there......

I don’t consider him an ex I just consider him a friend

But you ARE an ex, and quite rightly your job is to get the children to the wedding and then go home. The wedding is about him and his new wife, not about you and how you feel about it.

God no, surely you realise his new wife wouldn’t want you there. A bit weird to be discussing the seating plan with his kids though, especially when he hasn’t even proposed yet.

I wouldn’t expect a wedding invite to an ex’s wedding, I can’t imagine the new bride would want you there either.

I can understand you feeling a little hurt as you do have a friendship but you don't have a relationship with his fiancée so it would feel very weird for her I'm sure.
If they'd been together for years and you'd got to know her too then maybe expect an invitation but not like this.

Bloody hell no way would I want partner's ex at my wedding. All the guests would feel they had to check in with you too.

Tbh if he cheated on you and was a shitty partner, I don't think he can be a great friend either. I would distance myself a bit.

My ex was at my wedding, he is my best friend in the world, our problem was we were too young and family involved, OP, I'd talk to him, maybe that's all you need, I know that was what I'd done, he felt awkward, my day wouldn't be the same without him,

Provably best to try and keep him as 'father of your kids' rather than 'close friend'. Once he has a new wife and more kids things might get more complicated.

I don't see why you're expected to get the kids ready / there / picked up. If he's having them that day he can sort out their care. Go away for a nice relaxing weekend by yourself or with pals. It's bound to sting a bit on the actual day.

I imagine it's out of respect for his new bride to be.

I can't imagine many women being happy with their husbands ex there!

Sorry, but YABU.

You’re not close friends with his wife to be though, are you? To her, you’re the ex and as such, you won’t be on the guest list.
It’s nothing to do with him not liking you, it’s the context of the event.

Yeah OP. Think of the fiancee here.

I don't quite think YABU. I do think the boundaries are very blurred here & I'm not sure how much I buy the 'close friends' situation.

Your ex treated you very badly. Cheating on someone is appalling behaviour. I'm not saying you've to hate him forever but forgiving & keeping him at an emotional distance sounds a lot more normal than become confidantes, spending time together without the kids & knowing the intimate details of his love life.

You mention all his love interests but what about your relationships? Have you moved on?

I don't think you should go to the wedding but also - have you considered what life will be like after? You'll surely not be going to the family home together still?

I think you can co-parent amicably & broadly get on. But for your sake you need better boundaries & keep this man & his emotional affairs at a distance.

My exH is my second best friend and is good friends with my now partner. Has been for about a decade now. He still wouldn't be invited to the wedding.

Another one saying YABU - sorry, OP, it's their day, not yours.

How do you think his fiancé considers you? It’s her wedding day.

You didn't really think you were going, surely?!

The new partner if she has any self respect has probably told him to set some reasonable boundaries with you. Your relationship is odd and cannot possibly continue like that now that he has a serious relationship.

YABU. And hopefully you realise these day trips and nights at his parents place will have to stop.

@YetAnotherHastyNameChange

God no, surely you realise his new wife wouldn’t want you there. A bit weird to be discussing the seating plan with his kids though, especially when he hasn’t even proposed yet.

God, I missed that! He's planning to propose, and is already doing the seating plan by himself He sounds a bit odd. Maybe she'll turn him down?