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Original poster

My ex hasn’t invited me to his wedding, do I have a right to be hurt?

157 replies

Rebeccajf · 24/04/2021 17:11

I know this might sounds crazy to most people out there but I just need other peoples advice on this!
My ex and I split up almost four years ago, he was cheating and left me for another woman. I was distraught and it took nearly a year but I’m now safely over him. No romantic feelings at all.
Looking back out relationship was quite unhealthy and probably should have ended sooner (together ten years) anyway he’s had many girlfriends/ sexual partners over the last few years and I’ve always been fine with them all.
He met his most recent woman just before Xmas, they are already buying a house together and planning their lives, I’m happy for him although I know him well and think it’s very quick but he says he’s happy so I keep quiet.
Now, since we split up we have become incredibly close as friends. We have children together so we see each other a lot for that but although I have best friends already, I do consider him a close friend. We talk constantly, go on days out with the children, even without them. We have supported each other financially when each other of us have needed help. He always tells me and his family/ friends that I’m his best friend and we even go away and stay at his family’s home together (his parents live near the seaside). He came to me last week and said he’s going to propose to his new girlfriend, I think it’s too quick but didn’t tell him that. I said I’d support him whatever he chooses to do. Today he came over to tell our children he is going to get married and they were talking about the wedding/ seating plan and my oldest said ‘but where does mum sit’ and he replied ‘I’d imagine at home’
I have to admit this really cut me up, not much normally does but this really quite hurts me. We are so close there’s nothing we don’t know about each other and he’s open about his closeness to me so I guess I’m hurt that he wouldn’t invite me to his wedding. Even just the evening but nothing. Apparently it’s just my job to make sure the kids get there on time and picked up in the evening.
I know this must sound mad but our relationship is history I don’t consider him an ex I just consider him a friend, guess I just wonder other people opinions on this?
Thanks

OP posts:
dragoncena · 24/04/2021 19:04

I can see why you are hurt and I would reevaluate my friendship. Perhaps it is convenient for him to have you on hand when he wants company, advice and money?
Does anyone remember the thread where a posters fiance asked his ex wife to be a bridesmaid and couldn't understand why the OP was upset?

PlanDeRaccordement · 24/04/2021 19:05

YABU
It’s rude and abnormal to invite an ex, especially one that you had children with, to your wedding with a new partner. You shouldn’t be hurt at all by not being invited. I am glad that he is including the children though, that is a good sign.

GlassBoxSpectacular · 24/04/2021 19:05

I don’t think you’re as ‘over him’ as you claim to be. You’re in a quasi-relationship but pretending to be all breezy and casual about it.

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General parenting
curtaintwizzler · 24/04/2021 19:09

No way want the ex wife there at my wedding no matter how amicable they are

VienneseWhirligig · 24/04/2021 19:10

I went to DH's ex's wedding, and she came to ours. We wanted the kids to see that you can be civil - and it was an opportunity for her to see the kids as she wasn't able to have unsupervised contact. It didn't occur to me to think it weird (we are all part of the same extended family unit) but I've since heard from others that it is a bit unusual. I don't blame you for being surprised and hurt if you are friends.

WallaceinAnderland · 24/04/2021 19:11

It sounds like you are jealous.

SwimBaby · 24/04/2021 19:13

OP do you think you could still be in love with your ex?

Strawbfields · 24/04/2021 19:13

Hey OP, I'm sorry that you've found yourself in this situation.

I'm sorry to say I have to agree with the majority on this one. While it really is great that you have such a good relationship with your ex, that doesn't mean to say his new fiancé will want to be reminded of said relationship on her wedding day.

I'm sure if your ex was having a solo celebration like a birthday or something, you'd be invited but a wedding is completely different and you have to respect his new partner on this one.

Hope you're okay. Daffodil

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 19:16

I'm sure if your ex was having a solo celebration like a birthday or something, you'd be invited
Why?

GameSetMatch · 24/04/2021 19:19

Who would want their new husbands ex wife at their wedding? You might be close but he has to think of his new wife and her feelings.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 24/04/2021 19:20

I think you need to work on your self-esteem here rather than any focus on feeling hurt about him. This guy had kids with you, cheated on you, brought a new person into his kids lives in record time and is now going to marry her and there'll be half-siblings to complicate their lives and maintenance. He's a person who's shown you over and over that he puts himself first in all ways. He's selfish. Perhaps explore why you think you deserve to have people like him as a 'close friend' when he has so little regard for you and the family you had together. That's sad. You deserve better friends.

JaneR091 · 24/04/2021 19:21

Just want to add a few things on to my original post (at least I hope this is how you do it I’ve never posted before)
In reply to a few of the comments I’ve seen,
I’m aware it’s only been a few months and I haven’t met her and she hasn’t met the kids yet, we have always had an agreement that the kids won’t be introduced to new partners until a year has passed to ensure its serious.
He can’t have any future children with her as he had a vasectomy, something she doesn’t yet know
He’s always included me in his personal life/ relationships, he shares more with me than I so with him, like the other day he asked me to go with him to pick out the ring and I ended up lending him the extra £1200 he needed to buy the one he liked and this afternoon he took me to the venue he wants to use. I admit this is a bit odd as I wouldn’t let my fiancé choose my venue but this is the level of involvement he’s always had me have in his life.
As for the days out/ that won’t ever change, we have a child with a life limiting condition so we spend one day a week at least together, this will likely change after she’s passed but for now it will not and is something both our partners are aware of And are fine with.
I have an amazing relationship with his parents and with or without him I still spend time/ weekends with his family and don’t see that changing.
Also to be clear, I’m not asking to go and understand she probably wouldn’t want me there it was just his sharp dismissive comment that hurt a little as I would have invited him to mine as all our friends know we are good friends there’s no awkwardness. We regularly used to go out with my fiancé and his previous partner and friends and he is a good friend of both of us but I think I will let it be if they don’t want me there I do understand it. I was just curious is anyone else had been in a similar position. I don’t expect to be there it was just the sharpness in his comment that nipped at me.

JaquelineBeanstalk · 24/04/2021 19:25

Woah just one goddam minute. He’s had a vasectomy? And she doesn’t know? That’s way more important than your attendance at the wedding.

BackforGood · 24/04/2021 19:28

Another who thinks you have a strange way of thinking. I can't think why you would have thought you might be invited. How strange.

The new partner if she has any self respect has probably told him to set some reasonable boundaries with you. Your relationship is odd and cannot possibly continue like that now that he has a serious relationship.

I agree with this ^
It is great that you can co-parents and be friendly enough with one another so you are able to attend joint events for your children, be civilised about arrangements / hand overs / occasions / big decisions in your dcs' lives etc, but the whole going away together without the dc even being there is really inappropriate if he is seriously considering marrying another person. I can't believe you can't see that.

OnlyInYourDreams · 24/04/2021 19:28

Name change fail there OP.

Firstly, he’s marrying this woman and the kids haven’t actually met her? you went with him to pick out the ring? And you still go away for family weekends just you and him and the kids?

Are you still sleeping together as well? Hmm

Icantrememebrtheartist · 24/04/2021 19:29

I think he’s making a huge mistake not telling her (yet!) about the vasectomy! That could be a deal breaker for her.

ThereWasThisBoy · 24/04/2021 19:29

I ended up lending him the extra £1200 he needed to buy the one he liked and this afternoon he took me to the venue he wants to use.

This can’t be real. Hmm

bloodywhitecat · 24/04/2021 19:29

It would be weird, sorry OP.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 19:29

@JaneR091

Just want to add a few things on to my original post (at least I hope this is how you do it I’ve never posted before) In reply to a few of the comments I’ve seen, I’m aware it’s only been a few months and I haven’t met her and she hasn’t met the kids yet, we have always had an agreement that the kids won’t be introduced to new partners until a year has passed to ensure its serious. He can’t have any future children with her as he had a vasectomy, something she doesn’t yet know He’s always included me in his personal life/ relationships, he shares more with me than I so with him, like the other day he asked me to go with him to pick out the ring and I ended up lending him the extra £1200 he needed to buy the one he liked and this afternoon he took me to the venue he wants to use. I admit this is a bit odd as I wouldn’t let my fiancé choose my venue but this is the level of involvement he’s always had me have in his life. As for the days out/ that won’t ever change, we have a child with a life limiting condition so we spend one day a week at least together, this will likely change after she’s passed but for now it will not and is something both our partners are aware of And are fine with. I have an amazing relationship with his parents and with or without him I still spend time/ weekends with his family and don’t see that changing. Also to be clear, I’m not asking to go and understand she probably wouldn’t want me there it was just his sharp dismissive comment that hurt a little as I would have invited him to mine as all our friends know we are good friends there’s no awkwardness. We regularly used to go out with my fiancé and his previous partner and friends and he is a good friend of both of us but I think I will let it be if they don’t want me there I do understand it. I was just curious is anyone else had been in a similar position. I don’t expect to be there it was just the sharpness in his comment that nipped at me.
Is that you, op? You've given him money for his engagement ring, he's had a vasectomy and his future wife (that he hasn't actually proposed to yet) doesn't know. How fucked up the entire scenario sounds Confused. I doubt very much that many people have been in a "similar position", oddly enough.
BackforGood · 24/04/2021 19:31

Woah !

Name change fail, so people might not spot your post under your other name, BUT

Some major stuff being dropped onto the thread there.

In fact..... odd you've name changed if you've never posted before Hmm

GrumpyHoonMain · 24/04/2021 19:35

If he considered you a friend he would have invited you. My guess? He’s been grooming you as a fall back option in case his current / previous relationships didn’t come to anything. He’s marrying her now so doesn’t need you any more and will probably now cut you off big time.

GrumpyHoonMain · 24/04/2021 19:35

Assholes who cheat can’t ever be trusted

AuntieStella · 24/04/2021 19:35

I doubt very much that in the exciting chat about the proposal (which was in the last week) that his fiancée and he have even started to talk about who to invite.

I think you would be naive to think that this came from anyone other than him. I'm sure he's very glad that you are on such good terms, but he does not see you as an integral part of life such that he wants to include you in his new step into the future

WallaceinAnderland · 24/04/2021 19:40

How can you say you don't expect to be there and yet think you have a 'right' to be hurt. No you don't have a right and you need to let him go and be happy with his wife.

JaneR091 · 24/04/2021 19:42

I changed my name to something that was hopefully a little more subtle than Rebeccajf to avoid my friends, who use this app from potentially seeing it was me as we have not made it common knowledge about our daughters terminal diagnosis yet. But go off about a poxy username...

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