My ex hasn’t invited me to his wedding, do I have a right to be hurt?

[Rebeccajf]

I know this might sounds crazy to most people out there but I just need other peoples advice on this!
My ex and I split up almost four years ago, he was cheating and left me for another woman. I was distraught and it took nearly a year but I’m now safely over him. No romantic feelings at all.
Looking back out relationship was quite unhealthy and probably should have ended sooner (together ten years) anyway he’s had many girlfriends/ sexual partners over the last few years and I’ve always been fine with them all.
He met his most recent woman just before Xmas, they are already buying a house together and planning their lives, I’m happy for him although I know him well and think it’s very quick but he says he’s happy so I keep quiet.
Now, since we split up we have become incredibly close as friends. We have children together so we see each other a lot for that but although I have best friends already, I do consider him a close friend. We talk constantly, go on days out with the children, even without them. We have supported each other financially when each other of us have needed help. He always tells me and his family/ friends that I’m his best friend and we even go away and stay at his family’s home together (his parents live near the seaside). He came to me last week and said he’s going to propose to his new girlfriend, I think it’s too quick but didn’t tell him that. I said I’d support him whatever he chooses to do. Today he came over to tell our children he is going to get married and they were talking about the wedding/ seating plan and my oldest said ‘but where does mum sit’ and he replied ‘I’d imagine at home’
I have to admit this really cut me up, not much normally does but this really quite hurts me. We are so close there’s nothing we don’t know about each other and he’s open about his closeness to me so I guess I’m hurt that he wouldn’t invite me to his wedding. Even just the evening but nothing. Apparently it’s just my job to make sure the kids get there on time and picked up in the evening.
I know this must sound mad but our relationship is history I don’t consider him an ex I just consider him a friend, guess I just wonder other people opinions on this?
Thanks

As ever, Mumsnet is a window into another world.

A world where people buy a house together after only 3 months, wedding seating plans are discussed with children before there’s even been a proposal and before the children have even met the fiancé-to-be, the concealment of a vasectomy is hidden from the fiancé-to-be yet the fact of this concealment is shared with the ex, and the ex stumps up over a grand for the engagement ring despite disapproving of the haste of proceedings.

I’m so glad my life is so boring!

Can I just clarify here...we have:

• a new partner that may or may not yet know that shes getting married (😅) but the kids have sorted the seating plan.
• an ex wife that has been to the venue, helped pick AND paid for the ring 😅
• a new partner that hasn’t met the kids yet as it’s “too soon” - but mum will happily help out with wedding plans 🤣
• and to top it all off...a secret vasectomy 🤣

And OPs biggest issue is a comment he made about her not being at the wedding?! 😅😅😅

I’m so glad my life is so boring!

Right?

.

Have you completely forgotten about the wife-to-be? There's no way I'd want my new partner's ex there!

OP.. you know this isn't your Wedding right 🤔

Quite.
The whole story moved out of the realms of believability with the first post under the new name.

I love MN for the fact that there is a huge range of people on here, with different views, different ways of doing things, etc, but this one just stretches the imagination a little too much.

Admittedly i haven’t read the entire thread and I’m going to against the grain here (of the first page). I was the new woman of a man who had children with his ex - she was front row at my wedding! I wouldn’t say he considers them “close” but the speak and do right by their children - having his kids safe and comfortable on the day came first... not saying we’re besties or anything but their relationship is history - we all get along now. Having said that, if anything were to happen between him and I, I don’t think I could ever attend his wedding to another woman, friends or not.

Have a read of the full thread, Larabelle6.

@Larabelle6

Admittedly i haven’t read the entire thread and I’m going to against the grain here (of the first page). I was the new woman of a man who had children with his ex - she was front row at my wedding! I wouldn’t say he considers them “close” but the speak and do right by their children - having his kids safe and comfortable on the day came first... not saying we’re besties or anything but their relationship is history - we all get along now. Having said that, if anything were to happen between him and I, I don’t think I could ever attend his wedding to another woman, friends or not.

Did she help him pick out the ring and help pay for it? Did he take her to see the possible venue before he'd even proposed?

Admittedly i haven’t read the entire thread ...

Yeah, you probably should.

@Larabelle6 that’s a reverse if ever I saw one!

I'm calling BS on this post. No way can this be real.

I admit this is a bit odd as I wouldn’t let my fiancé choose my venue but this is the level of involvement he’s always had me have in his life.

You bet that's odd. He hasn't even proposed yet, but he's deciding (with your help) where the wedding will be? She doesn't get to choose?

This can't be real.

OP, will you continue going for weekends away at the seaside, and days out, just the two of you, after he marries this poor unsuspecting bride?

I think maybe cut out the middle woman. Just turn up on the day, at your venue, have the ring put in your finger, and you marry this cheating, impulsive, man all over again.

Match made in heaven.

I love his answer to where will you sit .. I assume at home.

You are so not over him.

Stop making this all about you.
Of course you shouldn't go, put yourself in the brides shoes for goodness sake!
My own dc found it tricky when their Dad remarried, my job was to transport them to and from the venue and listen and support them when they were struggling. I definitely didn't consider myself in any of it!

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I think you need to work on your self-esteem here rather than any focus on feeling hurt about him. This guy had kids with you, cheated on you, brought a new person into his kids lives in record time and is now going to marry her and there'll be half-siblings to complicate their lives and maintenance. He's a person who's shown you over and over that he puts himself first in all ways. He's selfish. Perhaps explore why you think you deserve to have people like him as a 'close friend' when he has so little regard for you and the family you had together. That's sad. You deserve better friends.

Wtaf? Talk about projecting.

Op I don't think you're over him, not one bit. You cannot seriously expect that his new partner will want you there and welcome you with open arms and let you essentially be the third person in their relationship.

I'm navigating this right now, my exhausted is getting married to an amazing woman next year. Exh and I share a son 8 together, they haven't been able to have any of their own, which has been heartbreaking for her.

Anyway, we are all British and live in Oz, they have invited me and my DP to the wedding, it's far from where my (and ex h) family live so we will have to travel several hours and therefore make a weekend of it.

Lots of our long term friends will be going, it was only when I realised I would have to spend the day avoiding my ex mil that I started to have doubts

How do you feel about spending the day with your ex in laws?

Also, I did point out to my exh, that it's not really his call, if his fiancé is truly happy for us to be there (he has this week also invited my parents 😳) but I see this as her day more than his.

I also went to their engagement party earlier this year, I didn't give it too much thought but listening to their speeches was much more difficult than I had expected.

And this is someone who has an excellent friendship and couldn't be happier he has found his partner and genuinely think she is a lovely person.

I’m actually a bit surprised his new relationship has been successful and gotten to the point of marriage because I think it would be hard for his fiancé as it sounds like there is sometimes three in the relationship. It’s nice that you get on with your ex, but it really does sound like you haven’t properly moved on from the relationship breakup, you’re still too dependent on him emotionally and socially.

He doesn’t need you for emotional support, friendship, advice, days out, trips to his parents or anything like that now as he’s has someone to fulfil those needs and it’s not you. You need to move away from thinking he’s a “close friend” because it will conflict with what is best for him and his new wife.

"No way would I go to my ex's wedding! Can you imagine "how do you know the couple" "oh I was married to the groom for 10 yrs" 🤣🤣"

I think I would more likely reply with I'm DS mum.

Also, why are you ok with this?

I would be a bit concerned that he was marrying someone who hadn't met the kids yet, for the kids sake and for hers. I mean, it's weird isn't it?

I honestly hope for this woman's sake she runs away and never looks back. Marrying someone without ever meeting their children, doesn't know they've had a vasectomy, ex in their pocket looking down on them... Paying for their engagement ring and picking the venue before they even know they're getting married.

It's the stuff of nightmares.