Just had a huge fight with my mum. Was I in the wrong?

[Heidi3333]

Just had a huge fight with my mum and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
I’m 44 and a single parent to a 5 year old daughter. I m temporarily living with my mum and dad at the moment as my brother is renting my flat. My daughter was donor conceived so there is no father around.
I work part time 3 days a week and my parents pick up my daughter from nursery and watch her for a few hours until I get back home. They rarely watch her at other times. It is my mainly my Dad that watches her tbh as he is the one that collects her and she interacts more with him.
My mum is a good granny in that she buys her toys and will take my daughter when they go shopping and takes her along when she walks the dogs but she refuses to play with her. I think I’ve seen my mum play with her maybe once in 5 years. She’s always “busy” or has some other excuse. My Dad plays with her quite a lot though eg board games, cards etc. My daughter says she asks her granny to play but she always says no 🙁 This was bought up in conversation last night and my mum denied it.
This morning I was having my breakfast and my daughter asked my mum to play Lego with her. She reluctantly agreed but about 2 minutes later said she had things to do and was busy and got up and went on to the computer to look at Facebook! I was really annoyed at this and had a go at her and it ended in a huge fight and now we aren’t talking. She said she does her fair share of babysitting and shouldn’t have to do anymore. I think it’s quite heartbreaking that she doesn’t want to play with her grandchild at all. I try and make sure I play with her most of the time.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to put in a bit of effort when asked my by daughter? I don’t expect every time but like I said she refuses 99 % of the time and find it quite upsetting.

Right now neither of us are backing down.

I'm a granny and I really don't like playing with the DGC. I'm happy to read to them, do some cooking or gardening, but I really dislike playing with them. We all get along wonderfully well , and my AC have never suggested that I " should" play with their children. It's not compulsory !

I think you are being very demanding - your parents give you a home plus Childcare ! You should consider yourself very lucky. Stop trying to dictate how your parents and your child should interact , calm down and let them work things out as they like.

How long have you been living there? They do a lot for you already. I think expecting your mum to devote her time to playing with your child, especially when you’re actually around, then starting a fight when she doesn’t want to, is shocking.

I’d rather scratch my eyes out than play Lego. Horrific stuff. I love children and playing with them but I wouldn’t take kindly to being expected to when the parents are there and could do it. She’s relaxing in her own home, she can go on Facebook whenever she wants to.

What would you do if they had enough and asked you to move out? I doubt they expected their retirement to involve so much childcare.

So you choose to have a child (in fact went out of your way to have one without a father on the scene), work only part time, live with your parents, and you expect your mum to be the nanny as well? Why do you think she should want to entertain your child? You are not only being unreasonable, you are being something of a brat. You seem to be sitting pretty and yet still expect more.

I hate playing with my DC and couldn't imagine expecting someone else to do it, especially when you know she doesn't want to.

Think you owe your dm an apology.

Sorry, but definitely BU. I don't even play Lego with my own kids. Maybe that's sad, but they're perfectly happy playing on their own. She does more than enough for you and doesn't deserve being told off by you for not wanting to play with a 5year old.

How rude of you. Sounds like she does more than enough, and a five-year old don’t need an adult to play with them. I’d be very angry with you, and would probably want you and your child to move out. Spoilt brat.

Yes, you are being totally unreasonable. Your mother is probably sick to death of you and your daughter living in her home. You have a flat, so why aren't you living there?

Your mum is denied the usual granny role because you both live there and she also provides child care for you. You say she is a good granny also buying items for your child. It’s extraordinary that you then pull her up on not playing with your child. YABVU.

In the nicest possible way OP, if you don't make up with your mum, how on earth do you plan on maintaining you and your child?

Different people have different strengths. Why isn't it enough for your dad to play?

I feel a bit sorry for your mum. I think you need to apologise to her.

You need your flat back.

My parents sold their farm and the beginning for the year and my brother lived with them and couldn't find anywhere to buy for himself. He didn't want to move in with my parents so I asked if I would move in with them instead and he could rent out my flat. I'm only staying with my parents until he finds somewhere else to buy.

Of course you will feel it personally that she doesn’t engage in that way with your Dd, but really YABVU.

Your Mum does other things, if she enjoys taking your Dd out with the dog etc, that’s great.

Also your parents lives are considerably run in support of picking your Dd up 3 times a week. that is a massive commitment.

It is really wearing being asked to play all the time by young kids, and given the ongoing commitment it isn’t as if seeing your Dd is an exciting treat visit.

Your Dd has 3 adults in her life plus nursery. Playing by herself from time to time won’t do her any harm.

How was your Mum when you decided to go for single parenthood? Did she and your Dad promise you total back up etc, or did your Mum have reservations?

I think you need to apologise to your Mum.

It would be better (for your Dd and you) if your Mum wanted to play, but it isn’t your right to demand it or criticise her if she doesn’t.

I'm sorry to be harsh but you are totally in the wrong here.
Your parents have done so much for you. Live with you and do childcare. Ridiculous that you are making your mum do even more. Pay someone!!!!! Your child is not their responsibility.

YABVU. You have chosen to be a single parent, you play with your daughter. Sounds like your mum is more than helpful anyway.

You were unreasonable OP. I hate 'playing' even with my own kids, I find it boring and cringey. I do everything else for them, read to and with them etc etc but playing is awful.

Also your brother is taking the piss asking you to leave your home. You are all very intertwined. Its too much.

My parents sold their farm and the beginning for the year and my brother lived with them and couldn't find anywhere to buy for himself. He didn't want to move in with my parents so I asked if I would move in with them instead and he could rent out my flat. I'm only staying with my parents until he finds somewhere else to buy.

Your adult brother's living arrangements are not your problem. I'm betting you moving in with your parents was so you could have free childcare, not so you could "help" your brother.

You are really in the wrong here. You made a very active choice to have a child. The responsibility for her lies with you and you only. If your mum doesn't want to play, that's fine.

To be honest.. Your mum does enough. They look after your child whilst you work.. What more do you want! Maybe she just doesn't like playing, lots of people don't. Doesn't make her a bad person. I would be apologising if I was you...

You're over reliant on your parents. How long do you plan to live with them? I wouldn't be glad of a child and grandchild moving back in when they've flown the nest, particularly when they've made an active choice to be a single parent and I'm picking up the pieces.
Who wants to start over with all that again?

I just read an old thread of yours where you gave a b&b a bad review because they told you not to put a dirty nappy in their communal bin in a shared bathroom because it stank the entire floor down. I don’t think you can see when you are being really unreasonable.

Looking at some of your other threads you seem to have a certain amount of entitlement about how others should respond to you and your daughter, and get annoyed when your expectations aren't met. Your parents do more than enough to help you and the world doesn't revolve around your child.

@Aquamarine1029

My parents sold their farm and the beginning for the year and my brother lived with them and couldn't find anywhere to buy for himself. He didn't want to move in with my parents so I asked if I would move in with them instead and he could rent out my flat. I'm only staying with my parents until he finds somewhere else to buy.

Your adult brother's living arrangements are not your problem. I'm betting you moving in with your parents was so you could have free childcare, not so you could "help" your brother.

Stay in her own flat and pay her own rent or live with her parents and get free childcare on tap, pay nothing and her brother pays her rent for her 🙄

Your parents must love the comings and goings off a pair of freeloaders who then have the audacity to criticise them! No wonder she's had enough!

Tread carefully OP or you might find yourself out. Although then of course big mean granny has turfed you out.

YABU. Most people find playing with young children - even their own - unbearably boring. It's not your mum's job to play with your child and, collectively, your parents are doing quite a bit for you. Your mum takes your daugher shopping and for walks. If I were you, I would explain to your daughter that different people have different interests and she should just enjoy doing the things together that both she and her grandmother get pleasure from.