3yo saying he's hungry - what's the fair thing to do?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean.

7.30am he has a cup of milk then gets dressed and has breakfast around 8am - usually porridge, sometimes toast.

10.30am is snack time, usually a banana but sometimes has an apple or similar instead.

12.15pm is lunchtime. This is our main meal of the day, something cooked and filling. Curry, pasta, rice and stir-fry... Then they both have a nap.

4.30pm is the little ones dinner which is usually something on toast or picky bits as they're very erratic about how much they eat at that time so it's easier to do something cold so they can either have a little bit or we can keep it coming as necessary.

Problem is, 3yo has started saying he's hungry at other times. Often having had three spoons of porridge and then saying he's hungry half an hour after we've cleared away. Or saying he's finished dinner and ready for his bath and then the second he's in his pyjamas he says he's hungry. I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago!" But I don't know if that's a reasonable thought to have about a 3yo. If he wakes up from his nap hungry we do tend to give him a little something then.

Sounds like you’re giving a lot of carbs. I’d add some cheese and plain yogurt etc.

But we have to have lunch at 12.15pm for them to nap at 1pm, and I can't not give them a morning snack
Why not? I have literally never had a morning snack in my life and neither has DC. People don’t need to eat every five minutes! We eat 3 meals a day and if DC is hungry in between he tells me. Another important question is how on earth are you persuading a 3 year old to nap! They’ve usually stopped naps by that age.

Mines always ate like gannets in the morning and then refused their lovingly cooked dinner so I can completely understand your schedule. I'd feed him something boring if he's hungry though; toast or a banana. Children grow in bursts so sometimes they need extra calories.

I think its important to learn to listen to your body and feed it when it needs it. Rather than a rigid schedule.

Hey OP we also have dinner at 4.30/5pm as my 2 year old is in bed for 6.30pm as he doesn't last past this!

I would say your missing an afternoon snack when he wakes up from snack.

Dinner we always have something which is high protein as protein keeps you fuller for longer and a yogurt after.

If he doesn't eat any dinner he gets offered something around 5.30 such as peanut butter on toast, cheese bits with some veg sticks and oatcakes etc.

We generally offer a cup of milk from about 5.30 sometimes he drinks it other times he doesn't.

Nursery days lunches are his bigger meal (it's 3 courses!)

If he's saying he's hungry give him a drink and see what he says often thirst is mistaken for hunger. But also give him free access to the fruit bowl that way he can help himself to a piece of fruit.

It sounds like you have very strict routine for food and sleep but it doesn’t suit your child. Most 3 year olds aren’t napping daily so soon things will have to change anyway.

If he is hungry then let him eat.

I'd batch cook some meals (or put aside some leftovers from your meals) and offer those every time your ds says he's hungry. At that age mine actually meant they wanted a biscuit, or a cake, or whatever. Not something healthy and filling.

Typical routine for us at that age

6-7-am breakfast: cereal, toast and fruit. I would leave it out for her to snack on for a bit if unfinished.

12pm lunch: varies but sandwich, fruit or veggie sticks, yoghurt or crisps/mini cheddars, sometimes cheese sticks or a small cake. Sometimes soup and bread instead or a jacket potato and filling with a yoghurt afterward.

3pm snack: depends on lunch and would try to vary it a bit. Digestive biscuits or a cake if lunch healthier, if she’d had this at lunch she’d have maybe veg sticks and hummus. Maybe yoghurt and fruit or cheese and crackers, again if she’d not had this at lunchtime.

5.30pm main meal: whatever we have. Beef stew, lasagne, cheesey chicken pasta, spaghetti and meatballs, roast, sausage and mash, etc. All with veggies. Pudding afterward.

Drink left out for whenever she wants

If she’s says she’s hungry, rare, she’ll be offered a healthy snack option: raisins or other fruit for example

She’s a healthy weight and we have next to no food issues. I usually give her options before (except evening meal) eg cereal or weetabix, sandwich or soup, but she usually picks the same things.

I’m surprised your son is still napping and it would make sense to move your bigger meal to the evening. I wouldn’t expect him to preempt his meals for the day anytime soon. Recently my daughter has stopped wanting so much at breakfast time and so we’ve tweaked things. She has two bowls of cereal, I’ll ask her if she wants toast mid-morning but it’s usually a no and she’s happy til lunch. Appropriate portion sizes are also really important.

As long as he is happily eating healthy foods, I wouldn’t stress the timing.

If something doesn’t get finished and it won’t spoil like that mornings toast, it can also be left for snacking. That way you don’t have to make something new and there isn’t the excitement of asking for something new, but if they are actually hungry, there is something available.

If this is something he regularly does, could you not pack everything away, leave it for half an hour and then offer again? Also as lots of posters have said, half 4 is really early, maybe it's worth offering him something like a slice of toast before the bedtime routine.

Alternatively, having the main meal at lunchtime might work for you, but not for him. Could you try swapping ams giving him a proper main meal a bit later, say half 5?

At such a young age, I would be inclined to believe my child if they said they were hungry.

Mine have a snack of cheese at some stage in the day and usually Greek yoghurt and fruit for pudding. I think his diet lacks protein and possibly dairy if he’s not always getting three full portions.

I’m not sure what you meant by three spoons of porridge but at 3 mine would have had a decent bowlful.
One of mine sees a dietician regularly (severe allergies) and it’s amazing how many cals, portions of various things they need daily at this age. I’d respond to his hunger and just feed him.

My 3yo eats breakfast (banana porridge) and a half cup apple juice at 6.30am. Snack at 9am (biscuit). Lunch around 11/11.30am and then dinner at 3.30/4pm. Supper at 5.30/5.45am which consists of Weetabix with warm milk, sometimes crackers afterwards. Warm milk great for settling them at bedtime.

He will occasionally have an afternoon nap 12 til 2pm but now he is edging closer to 4yo that's petering out. He is exhausted most days and will be asleep often by 6.30pm.

Hope this all adds another perspective OP of what many of us do routine wise with a 3yo. Lots of different approaches on this thread.

Just want to be totally clear here: the question is NOT about whether I'm feeding him enough. I've just given a general outline of meals to give you an idea of timings.

Regardless of what your question was, people are trying to tell you with the best of intention that it is very wrong to let a 3 year old to go without food from 4:30 to 8:30, especially as 4:30 is a light meal. Can't you see that?

This is not enough food. Yes it's mean.

Sorry @perspicaciousgreen but I do thing your day is wrong for a child.

What is the reasoning behind having such a big meal at lunchtime?

Essentially your plan says he has nothing proper to eat between 1215 and 0830 the following day. That is essentially starving him whether you want to see to see or not. You are teaching him a very unhealthy relationship with food in my opinion.

He is far too young to associate timing to his hunger, if he is hungry he needs to eat and I am afraid that you need to reassess your view on his food intake

I would feed him a proper meal for dinner, regardless of what he has had for lunch. I would let him have a banana or some peanut butter on toast before bed too. He is only 3 he needs lots of calories for all that growing.

Why not change it up slightly - instead of giving your LO milk when he first wakes up just give him his breakfast at 7:30am then snack at 9:30am, lunch at noon, small snack when he wakes from his nap and then dinner at 4:30pm and milk before bed?

Ps have you tried giving him something more substantial for dinner? Maybe just something easy like an omlette or beans on toast or something like that? Maybe he prefers your cooking to nibbles

Fruit or weetqbix ? Sit up at the tablet to eat.

I do agree with others though, try to get more calories in to him each day with a biggish meal sometime between 4-6pm would be ideal. Children of this age fare better eating small portions of food several times in a day.

@DandelionSprout

But we have to have lunch at 12.15pm for them to nap at 1pm, and I can't not give them a morning snack Why not? I have literally never had a morning snack in my life and neither has DC. People don’t need to eat every five minutes! We eat 3 meals a day and if DC is hungry in between he tells me. Another important question is how on earth are you persuading a 3 year old to nap! They’ve usually stopped naps by that age.

I have a 3yo who still has naps occasionally 🤷

As a nutritionist my advice is just bloody feed him. He’s hungry and having to go for a long period of time with hardly any food. You’re setting him up for a lifetime of disorganised eating by being so bloody strict.

I feel like a schedule is the way to go to prevent grazing throughout the day. But I would add in another snack before bedtime if you were going to do this.
Grazing and not eating at set mealtimes has been proven to have a direct relationship with being underweight and with picky eating so I don't think you're mean to expect him to wait but you also need to make sure he's not waiting too long too I think!