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Original poster

3yo saying he's hungry - what's the fair thing to do?

199 replies

PerspicaciousGreen · 12/04/2021 09:02

Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean.

7.30am he has a cup of milk then gets dressed and has breakfast around 8am - usually porridge, sometimes toast.

10.30am is snack time, usually a banana but sometimes has an apple or similar instead.

12.15pm is lunchtime. This is our main meal of the day, something cooked and filling. Curry, pasta, rice and stir-fry... Then they both have a nap.

4.30pm is the little ones dinner which is usually something on toast or picky bits as they're very erratic about how much they eat at that time so it's easier to do something cold so they can either have a little bit or we can keep it coming as necessary.

Problem is, 3yo has started saying he's hungry at other times. Often having had three spoons of porridge and then saying he's hungry half an hour after we've cleared away. Or saying he's finished dinner and ready for his bath and then the second he's in his pyjamas he says he's hungry. I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago!" But I don't know if that's a reasonable thought to have about a 3yo. If he wakes up from his nap hungry we do tend to give him a little something then.

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Horehound · 12/04/2021 10:18

So did you really need to ask if he should wait to be fed then? If there's no food issues and you clearly know what toddlers are like why couldnt you answer "if my toddler is hungry am I mean to make him wait?" all by yourself?

Horehound · 12/04/2021 10:19

@fistasledge

I do think a lot of the replies in here are very over the top and I hope it hasn't put the OP off

She has come on here seeking advice, offering her schedule and asked for some help. She acknowledges that she doesn't know what to do.

She's then come back to the thread and asked for some more advice and taken on much of the advice

I think labelling her cruel, mean, abusive (!) (I have reported you @ButterflyHoneyPot as I think your post is uncalled for) are far too severe

A mother has come on here and sought out advice and openly said she doesn't know if what's she's doing right. I know Mumsnet can be a bunch of vipers but to coin other posters..,FFS!

What she actually came here for was to ask if she was mean to make her toddler wait for food because..."tough should've thought of that before" She even clarified that on page two.
Bimblybomeyelash · 12/04/2021 10:20

When I had a 3 year old and a baby, dinner was often early because that is when the 3 year old was hungry. But dinner was always a proper meal! Cold snacky food for dinner every day seems odd to me, and doesn’t seem to be instilling good eating habits. If dinner is before 5, then my two are always ready for something else before bedtime. If they are hungry before bed, I feed them! Usually a slice of toast. If it is literally time to go upstairs, then they can have a breadstick or rice cake. Now that my youngest is 4, they are more commonly having dinner after 6:00, so they don’t ask for food before bed, but they do ask for something in the afternoon between lunch and dinner!

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wombatspoopcubes · 12/04/2021 10:22

Growing up we were always allowed to eat as much fruit, plain yoghurt and milk as we wanted. Maybe that would be helpful? That he can eat when he is hungry, but only a few sensible, healthy things? I agree that he is to young to wait or plan his meals.

NeepNeepNeep · 12/04/2021 10:23

How many adults have messed up appetites and weight problems because we don't eat when hungry/stop when Eating to a timetable interferes with our natural ability to recognise and respond to our hunger cues. Respond to your child, not the clock.

OllietheOwl · 12/04/2021 10:23

Yours isn’t too dissimilar to mine OP, except I would add in an extra snack time. Does your LO go to nursery? If so you’ll know their eating routine goes something like:

8am breakfast
10am snack (breadsticks, fruit)
12pm hot meal (pasta, chicken and veg etc)
2pm snack (cracker with cheese etc)
4pm tea time (usually something quite substantial ie soup and bread or jacket potato etc)

I then also make my LO a sandwich or snack before bed (6pm ish) - maybe apiece of toast or some crackers and cheese etc.

I would definitely make sure he has a full tummy before bedtime. The last thing you want is a hungry toddler at night!

I would say though - anything left over from previous meals that you can save (ie if it’s cold) do so. I sometimes re-offer my DD stuff she’s left ie “well here’s the sandwich you didn’t finish earlier, if you’re hungry now?”. Kind of gets the e point across that they can’t just leave food and expect something different on a plate.

NeepNeepNeep · 12/04/2021 10:23

*stop when full

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/04/2021 10:24

Do you and dh eat main meal at lunchtime and last food at 4.30?

JustLyra · 12/04/2021 10:25

@fistasledge

I do think a lot of the replies in here are very over the top and I hope it hasn't put the OP off

She has come on here seeking advice, offering her schedule and asked for some help. She acknowledges that she doesn't know what to do.

She's then come back to the thread and asked for some more advice and taken on much of the advice

I think labelling her cruel, mean, abusive (!) (I have reported you @ButterflyHoneyPot as I think your post is uncalled for) are far too severe

A mother has come on here and sought out advice and openly said she doesn't know if what's she's doing right. I know Mumsnet can be a bunch of vipers but to coin other posters..,FFS!

It is not over the top to point out that I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago! is horrendous when dealing with a hungry 3yo
crazymicrowave123 · 12/04/2021 10:28

Why don't you just pack away the food he doesn't eat and offer it to him again later when he is hungry? That way food doesn't get wasted and then you can always offer him a smaller portion of his next meal or skip out on that snack he would have normally eaten if he is no longer as hungry after eating his leftovers?

fistasledge · 12/04/2021 10:29

...and her next sentence asks if that's reasonable and then goes on to ask further in the thread at what age she should expect that.
She's not at all saying she's right and that's the reasons she's asking!!

Shooting down a mother who's dealing with her first toddler and actively seeking out advice, and listening to it is just nasty in my view

SomebodyThatIUsedToKnow3 · 12/04/2021 10:32

Ours are between 3 & 8. They all have 3 main meals and 2 snacks a day or on school days 3 main meals and 3 snacks. 7am breakfast, 930 fruit or vegetable snack, 11am at school morning tea, 1pm lunch, 315 afternoon tea, 530 dinner. My kids would get genuinely hungry with just the meals you have. If they don't eat a meal including the 3 year old and then get hungry they have to wait till next meal to eat. Given your meal times I'd add a snack between lunch and dinner. My DC eat more at different times. One eats a big lunch and very little dinner, another eats a big breakfast and big dinner. The 3rd eats small amounts at most meals. On the odd occasion they're hungry at bedtime I'll offer a glass of milk on the proviso teeth will have to be brushed again after.

ButterflyHoneyPot · 12/04/2021 10:32

@fistasledge you can think it’s uncalled for and report all you want - getting annoyed and refusing to feed your child when they’re hungry just because they didn’t eat all their breakfast is abuse.

AvaAvocado · 12/04/2021 10:33

@Horehound

This thread is really upsetting. The OP isn't giving her son enough food and has large gaps in between meals. making him wait to be fed, making his meal times be dictated by their baby. Giving cold "picky bits" as his dinner Hmm because he's three and she doesn't want to have a difficult mealtime so cold picky bits is easier... I feel so sorry for the son.

Did you miss the bit where OP said they have their main hot meal at lunchtime?

Trouble is these days if you don't feed your kids every 2 hours you are labelled abusive - ridiculous. No wonder we have an obesity problem in this country, children don't need to be constantly eating.

ButterflyHoneyPot · 12/04/2021 10:35

@AvaAvocado my DC eats every 3-4 hours. Cause he’s 3, he’s a toddler and highly active. Eating every 5-6 hours would mean he was starving, he’s the perfect weight for his height, doesn’t overeat and is absolutely thriving. But yeah, you go starve your child and roll your eyes at the obese people Hmm

Horehound · 12/04/2021 10:35

@fistasledge

...and her next sentence asks if that's reasonable and then goes on to ask further in the thread at what age she should expect that. She's not at all saying she's right and that's the reasons she's asking!!

Shooting down a mother who's dealing with her first toddler and actively seeking out advice, and listening to it is just nasty in my view

What's nasty is not feeding a hungry 3 yr old. She got a pile on by the way she worded her posts and made it seem like she makes her son wait for food because he missed his last opportunity. The advice she wanted to know was, was it mean to make her three yr old wait until next me. Yes. Yes it is. Why wouldn't it be?!
Horehound · 12/04/2021 10:36

No didn't miss that @AvaAvocado but it's not sufficient if he eats it at 4/4.30 then brekkie at 8am..

Horehound · 12/04/2021 10:37

And yes for older children maybe gaps are bigger but not at 3yr ok @AvaAvocado...

AvaAvocado · 12/04/2021 10:38

@AvaAvocado my DC eats every 3-4 hours.

3-4 hours fine, I was talking about DC that apparently need snacks every 1-2 hours.

SylviaPlath1984 · 12/04/2021 10:38

@AvaAvocado

What??

My 4yo eats plenty more than ops son and is bang on the 50th percentile for weight and has been for years, she's the epitome of health! Take your anorexic toxic views elsewhere, or you know... at least try not to fat shame children?!

AvaAvocado · 12/04/2021 10:41

Anorexic toxic views? Okay Hmm
Op is not starving her DC, if she was I think maybe he'd be finishing his porridge, no?
She just needs to adjust the timings a bit, she's not being abusive ffs.

SylviaPlath1984 · 12/04/2021 10:43

@AvaAvocado

Anorexic toxic views? Okay Hmm Op is not starving her DC, if she was I think maybe he'd be finishing his porridge, no? She just needs to adjust the timings a bit, she's not being abusive ffs.
Oh please, you've openly attempted to link children eating regularly to them being obese... just nonsense hyperbole sprouted from the comfort of your anonymity behind a screen it's pathetic. What grown adult tries to fat shame small children for eating when they are hungry? You need to have a word with yourself.
Horehound · 12/04/2021 10:44

[quote AvaAvocado]**@AvaAvocado my DC eats every 3-4 hours.

3-4 hours fine, I was talking about DC that apparently need snacks every 1-2 hours. [/quote]
The first line of the OP is Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean

So it's not about your opinion on whether children these days eat too much blah blah.
It's about a three year old boy who has been complaining to his mother he is hungry and she wasn't sure if it was fair to make him wait to eat..
He is three and he is hungry

Caspianberg · 12/04/2021 10:44

I see your update that he has a fair amount offered.

So I would say that yes just let him eat something else if hungry similar to what already offered. If you give oatcake and peanut butter at 2pm and he doesn’t eat much one day, there’s no harm in letting him have another at 3pm when he decides he is hungry is there?

The main issue is he is saying he is hungry, presumably on the days when you have offered lots but he didn’t eat much, so yes just offer again. He’s 3. He can’t work out he wasn’t that hungry at 8am so had a smaller breakfast and is now hungry at 9.30am. If he’s then hungry, either offer something similar to breakfast again or move snack earlier that day

The other issue is the 4.30pm dinner then nothing until morning. Again, just give an element from dinner later. Maybe move dinner to 5pm and they eat whatever as usual. Then have ‘desert’ an hour later just before bed. And desert can just be banana/ yogurt/ glass milk.

It doesn’t sound like he’s ‘starved’ at all, just a slight imbalance on gaps in between meals and him being, well 3. Good luck with any changes

Cactuslove · 12/04/2021 10:44

This is our routine with 2.5yr old boy. Weighs 2.5st and is 100cm tall just to give you an idea.

6/7am- milk and banana and raisins
8am- porridge, weetabix etc
Nap in morning
12/1- sandwich or something on toast or soup with bread. Always use two pieces of bread and he leaves crusts.
5- main meal- like yours curry or pasta etc and a dessert of a yogurt or something
6.30- milk
7- bed

If he has a snack it might be when I'm cooking and he asks for a bit of what I'm chopping like pepper or cucumber.

I won't give him a snack or anything else if he doesn't eat his meal. If he leaves his main meal he might have extra milk at bed time. Lately he has been saying he is finished or he don't like it after one mouthful. I say we'll ypu need to stay at the table (in my mind for as long as he would if he was eating it) after a few minutes of me ignoring him he begins to eat again.

Toddlers- so clever!