3yo saying he's hungry - what's the fair thing to do?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean.

7.30am he has a cup of milk then gets dressed and has breakfast around 8am - usually porridge, sometimes toast.

10.30am is snack time, usually a banana but sometimes has an apple or similar instead.

12.15pm is lunchtime. This is our main meal of the day, something cooked and filling. Curry, pasta, rice and stir-fry... Then they both have a nap.

4.30pm is the little ones dinner which is usually something on toast or picky bits as they're very erratic about how much they eat at that time so it's easier to do something cold so they can either have a little bit or we can keep it coming as necessary.

Problem is, 3yo has started saying he's hungry at other times. Often having had three spoons of porridge and then saying he's hungry half an hour after we've cleared away. Or saying he's finished dinner and ready for his bath and then the second he's in his pyjamas he says he's hungry. I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago!" But I don't know if that's a reasonable thought to have about a 3yo. If he wakes up from his nap hungry we do tend to give him a little something then.

The meals you are feeding are very carb heavy and doesn't seem to be very balanced. A growing child needs a good balance of protein, veggies and good fats to grow well and remain full.
Feeding lots of porridge and toast will not fill him for long.
Can you maybe offer eggs for breakfast instead of, or even as well as, porridge.
Lunch is very carby, curry, which presumably is served with some sort of rice, naan etc, or pasta, rice etc is sold cards, will fill him for half an hour and then he'll be hungry again.
Toast for dinner is not acceptable.
Can you start offering a protein, chicken fish etc along with some nice veggies for lunch and dinner. You'll find he is much fuller and then maybe will stop complaint 30 mins after food he needs more

Also as small children are very ‘busy’ generally if they mention pain/ hunger it has to be fairly dominant for them to notice so I would suggest if he is mentioning it then he is probably feeling uncomfortable.

My 3 year old doesn't nap - does he really need to?
Mine has breakfast around 7.30, snack of fruit and pain au chocolate (and some Easter egg) around 10, lunch at 12/12.30 - always has to be a sandwich and crisps, he won't eat anything else for lunch at the mo 🙄 - a snack around 3pm, usually half a hot cross bun, cake or something similar. Then main meal at 5. He also has a drink of milk and a biscuit before teeth and bed. Then I know that even if he hasn't eaten all his tea, which is very likely at the moment, he won't be starving hungry at bedtime. He will tell me if he doesn't want milk, biscuit, or both, but it isn't often!

Your meals are very oddly timed (but so is such an early bedtime IMO, but each to their own).

We have an 'odd' meal setup too, as my youngest (2) naps from 12-2, but doesn't want lunch before, so we do:

7-8ish - get up

8 (ish, sometimes 9 at the weekend) - breakfast

11:15 - substantial snack

2ish - lunch

5:30-6ish - cooked dinner.

Sometimes there's a snack in between the late lunch and dinner, sometimes there isn't.

7.15 -toast and milk.

8 - bed

He goes 12+ hours between meals. That’s a LONG time.
My 4 year old has:
Toast and cereal.
Mid morning: fruit and yoghurt
Hot lunch-12/12/:30
Snack at 2ish
Snack at 4ish. (Both usually fruit, sometimes sandwich).
Dinner 5:30. Again a hot meal.
I am from a culture where we do two hot meals a day if possible so I try to provide two hot meals at a bare minimum.
Dinner is done by 6/6:15.
6:30/40 they go up for bath.
6:50 bath is done. Stories and in bed by 7:15. Usually asleep by 7:30.

If mine are hungry i give them food. They're not overweight. I trust them to know how much food they need better than i do.

I've not read all the other posters but I have a 3YO little boy.

He wakes up roughly around 7 and has breakfast around 7:30sih, which is usually a bowl of cereal and banana or an apple.

Then when he is home and not at preschool, he will probably have some sort of snack in the morning (usually because myself or my husband are having something), but this is never 'a thing' usually just if we think of it we will offer him a biscuit.

Then around 12ish I will do lunch, which is almost always a sandwich, grapes, carrot sticks/cucumber slices, some sort of snack thing and a piece of cheese or yogurt type thing. He will eat it all (except usually the crusts!!)

Then he won't have anything again until we have dinner at 5:30 - he might say he is hungry during the afternoon, and if he does then I will offer fruit. He will sometimes say he is hungry when really he wants some sort of treat - so if he accepts the banana without fuss then I know he was actually hungry. if he moans, then he isn't really hungry.

Our large meal is at 5:30 and I usually make him finish at least 3/4 of everything on his plate and then he will have some sort of treat pudding (just a snack out of his drawer - full of easter chocolate at the moment!)

I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with your schedule, but the large meal in the middle of the day might be where he is getting hungry. Definitely offer something decently substantial at your evening time and encourage him to eat more at the other meal times. sometimes my little one will play up at meal times, and sometimes we need to leave him on his own in the kitchen to eat as he will get silly while we are still at the table with him. Otherwise he will eat about 3 bites and say he is full, but then will immediately want a pudding.

I never say no to ‘I am hungry’ btw. Ever. I always offer fruit of some variety. I cannot imagine saying no to a hungry child (unless it’s say 15 mins to the next meal or something). And even my 9 year old can’t plan meal times like that. A 3 year old can’t tell the time. Just feed the child! (Like others I too found this an upsetting OP to read).

Feed him when he's hungry. It can be boring (e.g. Toast, cereal etc) but he's 3, he doesn't understand arbitrary meal times yet. My 3 year old yesterday ate a fruit smoothie and bowl of Cheerios for breakfast, then refused all offered food until 6pm when he ate a massive portion of vegetable curry and rice. They're weird at that age.

Well OP, I think you've dealt very well with some of the absolutely ludicrous responses you've had. Abusive ffs 🙄

I have a 3yo (although she's closer to 4 now). Generally, I would say don't give him food outside of planned 'feeding times'. But I'd make an afternoon snack a permanent fixture so there's never more than 2.5-3 hours between food. And I'm not totally inflexible with it, so if she starts saying she's hungry an hour before snack time I'll tell her it's not snack time yet but I might bring it forward half an hour. Depends what she's eaten and whether I actually think she's hungry really.

I might also be tempted to ditch the morning milk in your situation and give breakfast straight away? Can always give milk with his snack later if he wants it.

And to everyone saying it's cruel not to feed a hungry 3 year old, my 3yo would claim to be hungry all day long if she thought that meant she could have a steady supply of puff corn and chocolate. Funny how the hunger often dissipates when i offer a sandwich.

FWIW, my daughters eating looks something like this:

Breakfast when she wakes up, normally endless amounts of cereal
10am - snack, something carby and a piece of fruit
12pm - lunch, typically a sandwich, cucumber and fruit.
2:30pm - snack. Something carby and fruit again.
5:30pm - tea. Some variation of what we're having, of which she invariably eats fuck all. Followed by fruit and sometimes yoghurt.
7:30pm - tortilla before bed. She's obsessed with them.

@wombatspoopcubes

Growing up we were always allowed to eat as much fruit, plain yoghurt and milk as we wanted. Maybe that would be helpful? That he can eat when he is hungry, but only a few sensible, healthy things? I agree that he is to young to wait or plan his meals.

Agree with this.

I dunno why people are being so dramatic, OP clearly isn't starving her son!

Surely everyone considers what to do if a child won't eat their meal but then is constantly asking for snacks, thereby potentially ruining their next meal...?

OP, I think you're doing fine and would do as wombats says above, have a small selection of things he knows he can ask for between meals.

I have an almost 3 and almost 4 and they are always hungry.

Breakfast is around 7, cereal and toast or eggs.

Mid morning snack, fruit, cereal or crackers.

Lunch 1230 ish, sandwiches or cheese and ham and crackers.

Mid afternoon snack, fruit, some crisps or toast. Or yoghurt.

Dinner is between 5-6. It's cottage pie, spaghetti Bolognese or similar with yoghurt for afters.

They both have milk before bed too. Bed is at 7-730.

@PerspicaciousGreen

4.30 is early for dinner, and if that’s not a substantial meal then it’s not really surprising that it takes more than just porridge to fill him up the next morning.

Just want to be totally clear here: the question is NOT about whether I'm feeding him enough. I've just given a general outline of meals to give you an idea of timings.

The question is, if he doesn't eat his meals am I then being mean to make him wait. If he ate all his porridge then we'd offer something else as well. If he scarfed all his dinner and then said he was hungry at bathtime, we'd offer a snack. If he wakes up hungry from his nap we give him something. The scenario is if he doesn't eat his breakfast or whatever meal and then says he's hungry half an hour later, am I mean to make him wait.

No, not mean. One of kind is fussy and eiikd say he's had enough but if you offered him yoghurt, critic it chocolate he'd eat it and a lot of it. So now we only have "treats" if a meal is finished

Dinner at 4:30 that is way to early, I can understand that he is not that hungry then but asks for food 1h later.
Just move dinner to 5:30, a bit unfair to force your 3yo to have it so early because of the baby’s bedtime.

OP, on your update it all sounds really good, with a great balance of carbs and protein and lovely food! I think don’t worry at all maybe just like you said offer the additional snack if he’s hungry on the days when he has been abit more picky. Also I totally agree than it much better to let him stop eating when he feels full than the obligatory plate clearing we had growing up.

Mine are a bit older now, but even at that age they were constantly hungry 🙄

For context, at 3 my youngest was eating breakfast at home, 2nd breakfast at nursery, morning tea at nursery, lunch at nursery (substantial two courses), afternoon tea (light meal eg soup), 2nd afternoon tea at home (biscuit/fruit), and cooked dinner. Blooming ridiculous. I think cos they’re constantly on the move they often genuinely are hungry.

They’re 5 and 7 now and my stance for food outside general mealtimes is to offer something boring. Cheese, fruit etc. If they eat it then they’re actually hungry, if they refuse and mither for a biscuit, then they’re not 😀

Please ignore the usual judgemental posts on here from the "professionals" who think they know best.
I think the best thing to do is let him find his own pattern of eating. He's too young to understand food waste and what that means so making him wait or telling him no won't really sink in just yet. I find it's best to give things in smaller amounts, so rather than giving a bigger bowl of porridge, have a smaller amount and then a snack like some fruit and something else, then if he doesn't eat it all and says he's hungry later give him what he left before. It kind of creates a more physical example of what happens to food he doesn't eat, that it doesn't just disappear. And he may start remembering that if he doesn't eat it all he'll get it later rather than something different. I definitely wouldn't make him wait or try and keep him on too strict a schedule. Trying to put kids into our routines isn't always best right away, it's best to find his own eating pattern and then try to adapt it. Try and get him to stay more to eat, put off play time until he's eaten enough, change what he eats more so he has more variety and is excited for food. I definitely would let him find his own pattern of eating before trying to get him into a routine just yet.
But it sounds like you're doing well keep going!

With my littlest we do a ‘save it for later’ on anything he is really enjoying but is full up. His ‘save it for later’ is allowed anytime and makes sure he doesn’t feel the need to overeat at any meal if he is feeling full but he still has more of the meal he was really enjoying available later.

430 can't be his last meal for the day.

Besides the 1215 meal is his only Main meal for the day?

That's why he is hungry

He needs to have another main meal definitely way later than 430

I genuinely thought most people didn't give much food if meals aren't eaten?? Just have fruit on offer.

Otherwise most kids would surely avoid eating their meals and just ask for preferred snacks all the time?

Sorry this makes me feel somehow. Have to post again

His only main meal is at 1215 and dinner is at 430? Till the next Morning? Nothing else?

He is definitely going to be starving. You are definitely not feeding him enough

Where on earth did you get the idea from that a 3 year old should think about eating like this?

@Bibidy

I genuinely thought most people didn't give much food if meals aren't eaten?? Just have fruit on offer.

Otherwise most kids would surely avoid eating their meals and just ask for preferred snacks all the time?

Wow. Are you talking about a child this young? Of course a 10 year old may do this.

But you don't have to offer say crisps when they ask for food in between meals. Children that age have tiny stomachs they need regular food.

I think the main meal should be at tea time. I don't think three year olds have the capacity to think ahead and eat more in case they might be hungry later. Six o'clock is ridiculously early for bedtime. Your schedule is all wrong.