3yo saying he's hungry - what's the fair thing to do?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean.

7.30am he has a cup of milk then gets dressed and has breakfast around 8am - usually porridge, sometimes toast.

10.30am is snack time, usually a banana but sometimes has an apple or similar instead.

12.15pm is lunchtime. This is our main meal of the day, something cooked and filling. Curry, pasta, rice and stir-fry... Then they both have a nap.

4.30pm is the little ones dinner which is usually something on toast or picky bits as they're very erratic about how much they eat at that time so it's easier to do something cold so they can either have a little bit or we can keep it coming as necessary.

Problem is, 3yo has started saying he's hungry at other times. Often having had three spoons of porridge and then saying he's hungry half an hour after we've cleared away. Or saying he's finished dinner and ready for his bath and then the second he's in his pyjamas he says he's hungry. I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago!" But I don't know if that's a reasonable thought to have about a 3yo. If he wakes up from his nap hungry we do tend to give him a little something then.

@PerspicaciousGreen

4.30 is early for dinner, and if that’s not a substantial meal then it’s not really surprising that it takes more than just porridge to fill him up the next morning.

Just want to be totally clear here: the question is NOT about whether I'm feeding him enough. I've just given a general outline of meals to give you an idea of timings.

The question is, if he doesn't eat his meals am I then being mean to make him wait. If he ate all his porridge then we'd offer something else as well. If he scarfed all his dinner and then said he was hungry at bathtime, we'd offer a snack. If he wakes up hungry from his nap we give him something. The scenario is if he doesn't eat his breakfast or whatever meal and then says he's hungry half an hour later, am I mean to make him wait.

In that scenario you could put uneaten food in fridge and offer it again if 3 year old gets hungry soon after. Even as an adult I don't always want to eat at meal times. I would not expect a 3 year old to be able to plan ahead, I still remind 8 year old DS that if he doesn't eat he might get hungry before next meal and encourage him to at least have a little. I usually say DC need to wait till next meal but they never have a long wait to eat again.

I just think 4.30pm to 8am is too long a gap for a three year old
if you want him in bed for 7 working backwards
6.45 story. for 3 year old
6,15 bathtime for 3 year old however does 3 year old actually need a bath everynight
5,.45 bathime and bed for baby, play time or cbeebies for 3 year old
5.15 dinner

My 3 year old eats at about 2 hour intervals. Large quantities too, always hungry, but not an inch of fat on him. I think it's just the amount of energy they expend, through being on the go constantly, they are growing, their brain is developing. It does feel like we spend an awful lot of time on food!

8ish Breakfast
10ish Snack
12ish Lunch
2.30ish snack
4pm snack
5.30pm Tea
6.30pm supper/pudding

My 5yo was like this - I always feed healthy stuff if he says he's hungry. He's not overweight though.

Just read some of the other comments! Jeez. My boy would want to eat little and often all bloody day if I let him. But that is not the routine he will have at nursery or our other childcare. That is not my routine... and means I would constantly be thinking of snacks to give him. Ridiculous. I'd be stood next to the fridge all day.

Nothing wrong with making a child wait 30mins for a meal. When for example my little boy tells me he's hungry at
3pm I don't give him a snack if I know im making a roast dinner he will be expected to eat in an hr. He is not going to starve!!!!

Ds never really liked lunch and preferred dinner. He was at a childminder for a while who decided to swap main meal to lunch and give them a snack at dinner and I had to have a tough conversation with her about saving DS' lunch for dinner time.

My main tip would be to be a bit more flexible on timings and also what he eats. A fruit snack at 10:00 would be better if it came with a yoghurt or a piece of cheese or similar to make it more filling. Ditto, I think that not eating from lunch until supper seems long - a rice cake, a biscuit, some kind of snack bar etc mid afternoon seems reasonable. And for supper perhaps something with eggs etc which are a bit more filling?

Op I don't think you are starving your kid.
Our day looks a bit different just because the timing is a bit different.
Wake up at around 7:30
Breakfast at 8 porridge, cereal, toast, eggs. It varies
Snack at 10:30, small sandwich (1 slice of bread in half), 1 portion of fruit
Nap at 12
Lunch at 2 soup, pasta, rice bowl
Snack at 4 fruit or veggie sticks and dip
Dinner at 6 main cooked meal
At 7 Bath, book and bed time.
So we have a big gap at around lunchtime because it suits us better to have a late lunch.
I don't offer food outside mealtimes. The next meal is usually only an hour away tops if she ever says I'm hungry. She has never said she is hungry at bedtime though.

I know you've now sorted this out OP but just to add my experience. DS is now 14 years old. As he has a heart condition he sometimes found it hard to eat everything on his plate (the digestive system was battling the circulatory system for oxygen pumped round by the heart). We also had to ensure he had extra calories every day as his weight would plummet very quickly - the effort of pumping for the heart used up additional calories even when he was asleep. So we were advised to add sauces, butter etc to veg or baked beans etc to just edge up that calorie intake.

So he used to have breakfast (usually a small bowl of cereal as that was all he could manage first thing), then '2nd breakfast' as we dubbed it - a piece of toast before he went off to pre-school. He'd have fruit at school or at home mid morning. Lunch would be finger sandwiches or sausage roll or something similar and a yoghurt or two. veggie sticks mid afternoon if he was hungry. Dinner would be whatever we had - as much as he could eat but no big deal if he left it. Another yoghurt for dessert. Piece of toast before he went to bed or a bowl of cereal if he was hungry (having not eaten all his dinner).

He finally stopped the '2nd breakfast' two years ago as he could then eat a big enough bowl of cereal in one go. He stopped the afternoon (after school) snack of yoghurt/fruit or a couple of biscuits last year. He has school lunches so a hot pasta pot thing most days. And he's now eating the same size dinner as DH plus a couple of yoghurts after. I've rarely seen food left at dinner time for at least three years! Plus toast or a bowl of cereal before bed as he's now hit 5foot 10 inches and is still very slim so is burning through those calories.

He seems very capable of deciding how much he needs to eat. We were out for a day last week and bought fish and chips - he stopped eating when he was full. So 'allowing' food doesn't lead to being overweight - stuffing your tummy when it's dinner time because that's when your supposed to eat so you stoke up when you can sometimes does.

My DS is 4 and similar in that sometimes he eats loads sometimes very little. Actually he just seems to be much better at recognising when he’s hungry/full than his older sister. I don’t let him go to bed saying he’s hungry though (unless he’s recently eaten and I know he’s not) I always offer toast & butter/weetabix/banana

Nursery feed dinner around 4 and he almost always has some dinner with us at 6 or a snack like the above

Agree with pp that there's an awful lot of carbs vs protein in what you have described. Porridge, though healthy, never sees me through to lunch! Peanut butter on toast, cream cheese on a bagel, even cheese and crackers with fruit will last him longer. Snacks are pretty usual with toddlers, even if they don't "finish" their meals - at three they are still not good at all about predicting how hungry they will be (or even evaluating how hungry they currently are!), so I'd offer boring but protein-y snacks - square of cheese, apple with nut/seed butter, etc. Also make sure he's drinking enough - he wouldn't be the first person to mix up hunger and thirst.

I’d stop the milk before breakfast, he probably isn’t hungry for breakfast then is later. When mine were 3 we did 7.30 breakfast in pj’s usually porridge/weetabix and fruit (toast was never filling. Snack at 10.30 of fruit/vegetables with dips or peanut butter, 12 lunch, 2.30 snack, 5pm evening meal, banana at 6.30 before bath and bed. Milk was given as a drink with snacks.

My 14 month eats about the same.

I'd spread out the meal times, offering a much more substantial tea (which seems really early). If you're fixed on that time, I'd offer a small snack before bed. (Bedtime here is 7pm for our toddler)

@Cactuslove I think there’s a difference between allowing all day snacking/ right before a meal and giving nothing between 4:30 and next morning

My youngest had the following pattern
Cereal at home (7am)
Nursery breakfast (8am) usually scrambled eggs etc
Nursery snack- fruit 9.
Elevensies at 11, muffin or scone
Lunch at 12.30 full hot dinner and pud. .
Snack at 2.00 or post nap
High tea at 4.00 beans on toast or chunky soup etc
Fruit available til going home time!
Something offered every 2 hrs.

Also I’m pretty sure mine has free access to fruit at nursery

As another poster says my 3 year old also eats at about 2 hour intervals.
Maybe your DS needs more protein?
We do have some days when they skip dinner if they have eaten quite a lot during the day..that's ok but not for everyday. But I would still give a glass of milk or some cheese/fruit so that they are not hungry at night.
There are some days when my child is saying that they are hungry soon after a meal and it is annoying but they are responding to body cues so we have to be mindful of growth spurts/fast metabolism etc
I have 3 children..my first ate the least but my 3rd will eat her older brothers' portions! Sometimes I wonder if I underfed my first! They are all skinny so I don't mind giving them as much food as they ask..I cannot not feed them if they said they were hungry!

In my experience little kids are pretty good at self regulating their food intake. Yes they can be fussy and they can push boundaries etc refusing to eat certain things but at this age I think it’s pretty normal for kids to be grazing and eating more smaller meals more than larger, fewer meals. My 2.5yo has 3 meals and 2 ‘official’ snack times through the day (I’d be putting in a 3pm snack and tea time for 5pm in your schedule I think) but he will still ask for additional food sometimes, particularly during growth spurts! Their growth isn’t linear either so there will be ups and downs in appetite

Maybe 30 minutes before he goes to bed give him milk or yogurt.

If a 3 year old says he is hungry - he is not lying. He needs more food. 4.30p.m. is too early for last meal of the day. He goes over 12 hours before getting anything again?!

We do

Breakfast at 7 am usually oat milk and toast

Lunch at 10.30/11 because I like her to have a lunch before she goes to nursery in the afternoon

Snack at nursery not sure what time but apparently the kids have not been eating snack very often as they are too busy playing

Dinner at about 4.30 but she drags food out for ages

Warm Oatmilk at 6pm and offer of a bit fruit or a biscuit

We have a full fruit bowl and a bowl of trail mix type thing on the kitchen table everyday which is made up of
Seeds fruit and granola so if anyone gets hungry there's always something

And the odd sweetie throughout the day

I personally think we are a nation of feeders when it comes to children they won't break of they skip a meal

If he's hungry give him something if he's not eating his porridge in the morning maybe ask him what he wants give him a little choice maybe he just sometimes doesn't fancy it
But don't worry about it unless he's losing weight or lacking in energy

My almost 2.5 year old never eats much breakfast but she will eat constantly between 10am and 12pm and then still eat a lunch. I just go with it to be honest. As long as it’s fairly healthy and balanced I’m not worried when she eats. It’s obviously more structured at nursery though. I think if he’s telling you he’s hungry give him some more lunch/breakfast and let him eat.

OP when you're hungry do you eat? Of course you do. Just feed the poor kid!

I think never give a carbohydrate without a protein, that will keep him fuller for longer. When he has carbs use multigrains and other complex carbs which are slower to digest. I think listening to his bodies signals is good and recognising hungry and full is a really important skill. Hopefully this will mean he doesn’t mindlessly overeat which I think a lot of our generation who always had to clear their plates do. I would encourage him to listen to his bodies signals, keep a good eating structure but always allow a healthy top up food item. The fact that he naturally self regulates in the amount he eats day to day means that if he is getting cues to eat from his body, and communicating that then you should listen to him. He doesn’t sound like a child who is very focused on sweet food or is fussing for extra treats so I would offer plenty at mealtimes but allow a healthy snack if he asks and is hungry.

I think some are being a little harsh to the OP here, it is frustrating to feel like you are constantly running after a toddlers' food demands needs and a cold tea of e.g bread / cheese / veg sticks / fruit is perfectly adequate after a good cooked lunch, although if giving at 4.30 I do agree he probably needs something else before bed (just toast / banana and warm milk while he has a story for example). Mine has dinner at 6 and in bed by 7.15.

I also have a 3 year old who loves to snack and a couple of things struck me about your posts:

1. Little and often is normal at this age, they have small stomachs and a short attention span! The amount they need can also vary widely from day to day. Fitting all their food needs into a strict meal plan with no flexibility therefore doesn't really work for most toddlers. No harm in getting in to the habit of fixed mealtimes but I do think you need to be flexible in between. At breakfast time I will leave the bowl out for a bit if mine doesn't finish it straight away (or pop it in the fridge) as he'll often come back after half an hour for more. This works for other meals too of course. I also have the fruit bowl readily available all day for all the kids, they can take an apple or banana whenever they are peckish as long as it's not just before a meal. This way if we're home they have some autonomy over their food requirements and I'm not constantly making more snacks. The only thing to watch out for is that he's not holding out for treats, if mine hasn't eaten well at mealtimes I will not offer biscuits or other sweet treats for snacks, just fruit/veg/rice cakes.
2. 3 year olds don't have a good concept of time. Personally I think it is fine to say - wait until I have done x/y/z and then I'll get you a snack, for example. Or to wait until we get home (if you're out and about), something clear that they understand. But saying you can eat in an hour / at snacktime / if you don't finish it there's no more until dinner etc. won't mean much to him and will likely cause distress.
3. Sometimes the snacking is boredom (or a delaying tactic if just before bed) - in which case you can try distracting him out of it, but I would avoid saying outright no and making a battle of it. I will always offer at least a glass of milk before bed though if they say they are still hungry.

I have 2 children very similar ages to yours. Are you giving him long enough to eat his meals? We are usually at the table 45-60 minutes each mealtime. My oldest can tell me he 'doesnt like this' for the first 25 minutes before clearing his plate.

I always give a mid-afternoon snack too as sometimes they will say they don't want it but they usually end up eating it! I made the mistake a handful of times of not providing one when told they didn't want one, and it usually leads to them whining they are hungry shortly before tea time. Not worth skipping it in our house.

On nursery days they eat their evening meal around 4:30 and I always give them supper too (usually gets finished) - something like a crumpet, half a banana each and a boiled egg perhaps.

Mine have 4oz milk both morning and before bed too.