3yo saying he's hungry - what's the fair thing to do?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean.

7.30am he has a cup of milk then gets dressed and has breakfast around 8am - usually porridge, sometimes toast.

10.30am is snack time, usually a banana but sometimes has an apple or similar instead.

12.15pm is lunchtime. This is our main meal of the day, something cooked and filling. Curry, pasta, rice and stir-fry... Then they both have a nap.

4.30pm is the little ones dinner which is usually something on toast or picky bits as they're very erratic about how much they eat at that time so it's easier to do something cold so they can either have a little bit or we can keep it coming as necessary.

Problem is, 3yo has started saying he's hungry at other times. Often having had three spoons of porridge and then saying he's hungry half an hour after we've cleared away. Or saying he's finished dinner and ready for his bath and then the second he's in his pyjamas he says he's hungry. I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago!" But I don't know if that's a reasonable thought to have about a 3yo. If he wakes up from his nap hungry we do tend to give him a little something then.

Not RTWT but if you go down the route of giving him a snack before bedtime, I wouldn't make it something he would have as a treat (such as biscuits etc). This could lead to him refusing his dinner because he knows he's got something better waiting for him before bed...just my thoughts! If it were me, if he refuses his dinner and then moans about being hungry later, its a hard 'tough luck' from me. They soon get the message that they should eat what's on offer (especially as you say there is always something he enjoys at every meal).

I think the main meal should be at tea time. I don't think three year olds have the capacity to think ahead and eat more in case they might be hungry later.

Exactly. Plus teaching a child to eat more than they need in case they get hungry later is a great way to set up some pretty damaging eating habits. Just let them eat till they're satisfied, then give them more later. By strictly enforcing set meal and snack times you're teaching them to ignore their own instincts around food.

at that age, and slightly older;
7am breakfast; toast/pastry/cereal either of those
9.30/10 snack; fruit
12pm dinner; sandwich/wrap with sides (Sausage roll/dip breadsticks etc)
3pm snack; biscuit?
5.30pm, tea; spag bol/cottage pie/fish/chicken

i think space things out a bit, if mine didnt eat dinner properly, i would cut the snack at 3ish and bring dinner forward

i dont think set in stone is the way to go :)

Wow. Are you talking about a child this young? Of course a 10 year old may do this.

Yeah? He's not a baby. At 3 I'd expect to only be offering 'boring' (fruit & veg) snacks in between if he'd left most of his meal.

Not saying I wouldn't give anything at all! But I'd only offer fruit or veg if he came to me saying he was hungry after leaving his dinner, as most 3 year olds would definitely cotton on not to eat their dinner if they knew they'd could have toast/crisps/chocolate (or whatever they prefer) a bit later if they leave it. My SD certainly would have!

@soughsigh

I have a stubborn and clever toddler who will take a mile if you give him a millimetre.

He's a toddler, not a criminal mastermind ffs

@baroqueandblue he is a criminal mastermind 😂. We have had major issues with fussy eating and this is what the health visitor recommended. He has been a lot better since we implemented these rules.

On the days she’s ah home my 3 yr old has milk when she wakes up (around 7), breakfast at 8 (this is always cereal/porridge plus a slice of toast). Because she and her sibling have this big breakfast I do a snack if out and about at 11, rice cakes/crackers/fruit/granola bar. We do the big cooked lunch at 1pm plus pudding (for example on Saturday it was pasta and veggie sauce and then fruit crumble with cream). I don’t do an afternoon snack because they have their tea at 5/5.30 and if they’ve had the big cooked lunch that is something like sandwiches and crisps or beans on toast. Yoghurt or fruit afterwards.

I think with your little one can you clingfilm a plate with some things on like rice cakes, cheese cubes, banana chips that he can come and get if hungry?

I'm not sure I could cope with having a 16 hour wait between evening meal and breakfast tbh, let alone a toddler with a tiny tummy.

Little and often usually works better for small children.

I'd say he definitely needs supper adding in. Or at the very least swapping the bigger meal to the evening.

My 3 year old eats this most days:

Cereal bar and toast and fruit for breakfast

Snack mid morning - couple of crackers

Lunch will be hot, maybe meatballs and cous cous, risotto, chicken and chips etc

Snack around mid afternoon

Dinner will be similar to lunch

Toast and or yoghurt before bed around 18:00

Bed at 19:00/19:30

This is really sad.

His stomach is the size of his closed fist. Drinks take up room as well as food. Small children need to eat little and often. They often confuse hunger with thirst.

He is growing, his brain is developing, he needs good nutrition.

As pp have said, you need to stop expecting him to have the cognitive skills of a 10 year old.

My 2.5 year old eats porridge PLUS big scoop of almond butter, fruit and piece of cheese for breakfast. Or sometimes she will have two eggs plus toast with peanut butter on. Try upping the fats and protein at breakfast time.

I think it’s important to offer food to a child who says they are hungry - but you get to be in control of what is offered.

I always fed on demand rather than to a rigid schedule. DS still only eats when he is hungry unfortunately at 16yrs of age that’s pretty much 24/7, however he is a slender but well toned, active teenager.
Feeding a child when it’s convenient rather than when they are hungry can lead to poor eating habits as an adult and weight issues. Snacks merely top them up when they may not be hungry.
Now your DS can tell you listen to him rather than a rigid routine. I breastfed DS until he was 2 so tended to be led by him. You have no idea the quantity they are eating so you rely more on the child to tell you when they are hungry and how much they will eat.

Also they can be overwhelmed by portion size, so try a smaller portion and offer more if they finish it.

Is he saying he’s hungry at a certain time each day? Maybe you just need to tweak your meal routine to fit better with his natural routine

I do think it’s normal for 3 year olds to refuse a meal and then ask for a snack 20 min later. They don’t have the reasoning to think to eat like that. It is frustrating though and I try to avoid it by having decent gaps before meals (so no giant snack within 2 hours) and the post meal offerings are “boring” food.

If my kids ate a big breakfast at 8, then I’d just give them something really small around 10/10.30 if I wanted them to eat a decent lunch at 12. Otherwise they’d probably not eat much lunch and be whining for snacks all afternoon. Some kids are more front loaded with their eating though. Mine seem to eat most at dinner.

Also I agree it’s a big gap between 4.30 and 8am. I’d probably offer milk and something like cereal or toast or banana before bed around 6.30/7. Especially if they haven’t eaten much for dinner

@Angrymum22

Also they can be overwhelmed by portion size, so try a smaller portion and offer more if they finish it.

Oh God this. My husband pours the kids cereal out to match his own. It's too much. Half the size, plus some little extra bits like fruit is better.

Typical day for my 4 yo would look like -

Breakfast- between 7 and 8 - weetabix & milk, yogurt and a piece of fruit. Can have as much of all that as he likes. Often has seconds of weetabix and fruit. On cold days he might have eggs or pancakes instead of yogurt.

Nursery morning snack- 10am- fruit and crackers

Nursery lunch- noon- pasta and veg (always veggie or vegan lunch at nursery)

Nursery tea- 4pm- wraps, humus, salad, or jacket potatoes etc (all but 2 nursery teas per week are veggie or vegan)

Small snack on the way home at 5.30- maybe a plain biscuit, a banana, a babybel... whatever I shoved in my bag

Supper-6-6.30pm- he can choose to eat what I’m having (maybe roast chicken and veggies, risotto, pizza, stir fry, steak and veg- whatever) or if he’s had a lot to eat at nursery he might just ask for cereal, toast, sandwiches or “picnic tea”.
We always have a bit of pudding of some kind. Might be a slice of cake, scoop of ice cream, more fruit, cheese and crackers or half an Easter egg to share

I also let him have free rein of the fruit bowl and a box of veg sticks at weekends and he helps himself.

He’s slim, muscular and a very very active boy. It’s right for us.

@OhShitShit

Typical day for my 4 yo would look like -

Breakfast- between 7 and 8 - weetabix & milk, yogurt and a piece of fruit. Can have as much of all that as he likes. Often has seconds of weetabix and fruit. On cold days he might have eggs or pancakes instead of yogurt.

Nursery morning snack- 10am- fruit and crackers

Nursery lunch- noon- pasta and veg (always veggie or vegan lunch at nursery)

Nursery tea- 4pm- wraps, humus, salad, or jacket potatoes etc (all but 2 nursery teas per week are veggie or vegan)

Small snack on the way home at 5.30- maybe a plain biscuit, a banana, a babybel... whatever I shoved in my bag

Supper-6-6.30pm- he can choose to eat what I’m having (maybe roast chicken and veggies, risotto, pizza, stir fry, steak and veg- whatever) or if he’s had a lot to eat at nursery he might just ask for cereal, toast, sandwiches or “picnic tea”.
We always have a bit of pudding of some kind. Might be a slice of cake, scoop of ice cream, more fruit, cheese and crackers or half an Easter egg to share

I also let him have free rein of the fruit bowl and a box of veg sticks at weekends and he helps himself.

He’s slim, muscular and a very very active boy. It’s right for us.

Very very similar to here Very similar to how I grew up

All very slim, sporty and zero food issues.

Goodness OP - mine are grown up now but would have objected to porridge and/or toast for breakfast out of boredom!

At three I seem to recall:
7ish Yoghurt and fruit or
Eggs and toast (scrambled or soldiers)

At about 10.30: raisins and cheese squares or carrot and ham, or similar

Lunch: 12.30/1ish often picky, pitta bread, bread and butter, ham, cheese, cherry tomatoes, fruit, fromage fruit, cheese on toast, crackers, etc (combinations thereof, probably on a tea plate).

mid afternoon: a biscuit or fromage frais, or fruit

Tea: 5.30/6ish: pasta, chicken, shepherd's pie, fish pie, half a salmon fillet/small plaice/lamb chop/pork fillet with veg and potatoes (they ate what we ate, albeit in small portions.

Milk first thing, after lunch, before bed (almost a pint)

And they were still always hungry. Big children though (tall and broad - no fat on them). And neither slept in the daytime after about 20/22 months. They slept about 8pm to 6am and were in perpetual motion.

I am afraid at that age life is one long focus on shovelling one end and managing the other in-between teaching colours and leaves and letters and words and numbers; skipping catching, rolling, pedalling, swinging, sandpitting, etc.

At that age on most days my daughter had fairly similar.

7am breakfast: cereal or toast

10am morning snack at childminder's house

12 noon cooked lunch at childminder's house or packed lunch at pre-school (2 days a week)

3pm afternoon snack at childminder's house

5pm meal at childminder - something quick like sandwiches, egg on toast, soup and roll etc.
desert: fruit or yoghurt

7pm milk before bed but she stopped that at 3.5

Weekends we usually had cooked meal at 5pm or later and lunch out: cooked or sandwiches depending where we were, snacks were often less healthy, could be cake at a coffee shop

She sleep well from 7pm to 6am, no naps

As she always got a morning and afternoon snack then if she said she was hungry between then I just told her how long it was till the meal/snack or adjusted the time of the snack to a bit earlier. She usually eats a good amount of her meals but sometimes is fussy or randomly decides to not eat something she has previously eaten just fine - then she is a bit less full till her next snack but will eat more then.

She did go through a phase of constantly asking for food when she was 4. We increased her portion sizes at meals and she still asked so we just left carrot sticks or something similar in the fridge for her to nibble on between meals and snacks.

Just a suggestion, but if my 5yo decides he doesn't want the whole of his sandwich at lunch time then I put cling film over the plate and he can come back to it later on in the afternoon or leave it for supper? Don't make more work for yourself.

My DC eat constantly!

I think your main meal needs to be tea time. Your 3 yo doesn’t need to nap, the baby does, so if he doesn’t have a nap after a lightish lunch then fair enough. This would also allow you to squeeze a snack in between lunch and dinner if needed.

He needs a proper mwal for tea ...not picky bits. Try spag bol, roast, pasta, ommelette etc..

Meal*