3yo saying he's hungry - what's the fair thing to do?

[PerspicaciousGreen]

Our 3yo frequently complains that he's hungry, and I don't know whether it's fair to not give him anything and make him wait, or whether we're being mean.

7.30am he has a cup of milk then gets dressed and has breakfast around 8am - usually porridge, sometimes toast.

10.30am is snack time, usually a banana but sometimes has an apple or similar instead.

12.15pm is lunchtime. This is our main meal of the day, something cooked and filling. Curry, pasta, rice and stir-fry... Then they both have a nap.

4.30pm is the little ones dinner which is usually something on toast or picky bits as they're very erratic about how much they eat at that time so it's easier to do something cold so they can either have a little bit or we can keep it coming as necessary.

Problem is, 3yo has started saying he's hungry at other times. Often having had three spoons of porridge and then saying he's hungry half an hour after we've cleared away. Or saying he's finished dinner and ready for his bath and then the second he's in his pyjamas he says he's hungry. I just end up thinking "Well you should have thought of that half an hour ago!" But I don't know if that's a reasonable thought to have about a 3yo. If he wakes up from his nap hungry we do tend to give him a little something then.

4.30 pm is too early for his last meal of the day. Something else before bed - or give him his tea about an hour later.

4.30 is early for dinner, and if that’s not a substantial meal then it’s not really surprising that it takes more than just porridge to fill him up the next morning.

Just want to be totally clear here: the question is NOT about whether I'm feeding him enough. I've just given a general outline of meals to give you an idea of timings.

The question is, if he doesn't eat his meals am I then being mean to make him wait. If he ate all his porridge then we'd offer something else as well. If he scarfed all his dinner and then said he was hungry at bathtime, we'd offer a snack. If he wakes up hungry from his nap we give him something. The scenario is if he doesn't eat his breakfast or whatever meal and then says he's hungry half an hour later, am I mean to make him wait.

What age would you expect them to "plan" their eating, then? As in, have an awareness of how long it is til the next meal and eat accordingly, so if they're hungry it's their own fault? It does annoy me if he's had half a bite of breakfast then says he's hungry - I do tend to tell him he's got to wait til snack time

He is still 3. And napping. Therefore you need to stop expecting him to think and act like a 10yo.

The question is, if he doesn't eat his meals am I then being mean to make him wait.

Yes. He’s 3.

And, although you say it’s fine, I don’t think feeding a 3year old a picky tea at 4.30pm and then nothing until 8.30am is enough food.

Yes it’s cruel to make him wait and no, you aren’t feeding him enough food. Of course he’s hungry.

Ok you only want answers to

* The question is, if he doesn't eat his meals am I then being mean to make him wait.*

In that case, looking at the rather slim picking for food even if he did eat everything on offer - YES!!

Bedtime is really early, what time does your 3yo wake up? Could it be that he’s gone over his initial hunger because he’s been up long enough by then?

Also at 3, he’s likely to be ready to drop his afternoon nap pretty soon, so that would give you more time to get another snack in. You can’t expect to keep the same routines forever, and you can’t expect a baby’s routine to always match a 3yo’s, they have different needs.

If he is hungry give him some food. He is still learning. I'd swap the main meal to evening so it's easier during the day to give extra snacky bits. Eg. What was left from lunch if he doesn't eat it all

How old is the younger child, are you just feeding them the same? How much of 3 yo routine is fitting in with the baby? It is mean (sorry) to deny them food if they are hungry at that age- agree with He is still 3. And napping. Therefore you need to stop expecting him to think and act like a 10yo.

do you offer him alternatives if he doesn’t eat the meals? Kids often push away the meal offered and when say they are hungry later get offered something more interesting or easier to eat. It’s a slippery slope!

If he eats 2 spoons if porridge then says he's finished, do you not encourage him to finish it?

* What age would you expect them to "plan" their eating, then? As in, have an awareness of how long it is til the next meal and eat accordingly, so if they're hungry it's their own fault?*

He’s 3. Not for years! My 10 year old doesn’t think like that. Children live for the moment. And that’s something that should be cherished

I think if a 3 year old is hungry you feed them. Its brilliant to encourage them to learn their own hunger cues so they learn to eat when hungry and stop when full. Will save a liftime of overeating.

When they only took a bite of breakfast then were hungry later did they not like the breakfast? 3 year olds are really fickle and just learning what they like and dislike.

I dont think you should leave a 3 year old hungry long (different if its 20mins til dinner) and try and build in foods they like at meal times so they fill up then .

He’s got a tiny tummy which needs filling little and often.

Yes it’s mean to make him wait. He has no concept of time. It sounds like the very regimented meal times aren’t working for him.

Yes, you are mean to make him wait, especially as it seems your routine is driven by your own convenience rather than your child’s needs and appetite.

Jesus Christ.

If you're child is hungry...FEED HIM.

I think you need to speed up bedtime and have dinner later. They eat dinner 2-2.5 hours before bedtime - I can't see how you need over 2 hours. Feed them at 5-5.30 then straight for bath and bed. We've done that from day 1 and our son sleeps better because he's full, instead of it being hours since they last ate.

Maybe try more protein and fewer carbs?

Yes, feed your hungry child. Your punishing him for not being hungry when you decide he should be hungry to fit in with the baby's schedule.

If he leaves his porridge can you put some foil over the top and if he says he's hungry offer it back? Or nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds with a bit of extra milk in?

Lunch I'd cut the volume given he's had bfast, milk, snack and lunch all within 5 hours.

How long does he nap for?

If he leaves his dinner, cover it and reoffer it when he's hungry given its cold so will be fine. Or offer plain toast / yoghurt / banana.

Your times are too firm OP. If your 3 year old can voice when they want something to eat I wouldn’t always rush to make it like breakfast straight away I would ask them if they are ready to eat it and then make it.

Your being unfair OP.

3 years old do this DS said loudly at a funeral “I very hungry”. He didn’t eat his breakfast but you better believe I have never reached for my snack bag so quick after that!

Your post make me think you have some food issues or were restricted food as a child. It all feels like meals are a chore you don't enjoy and want to get out of the way. Your son is 3, generally he will need small frequent meals and have very little regulation.

There is so much wrong with this post...

Your child needs a proper meal at dinner time, not "picky bits" and 4:30 is far to early for the last meal, no wonder the child is hungry. And yes, you're mean to not feed your 3 year old when he tells you he needs food.

In fact it's almost a bit lazy to whip up some "picky bits" (gross) at 4.30 and think you're done for the day. Don't be mean. Give them a proper meal AT DINNERTIME, not midafternoon.