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My mum injured my son

558 replies

KevinTheBird · 27/01/2021 21:01

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

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BobbidyBob · 27/01/2021 22:29

Holy shit. I usually find MN far too reactive and quick to LTB/call police/go NC etc. but in this instance it is completely justified.

Shit. That’s just so bad, I feel genuinely sad for DC2. I’d never speak to her again; I couldn’t bear to. I couldn’t forgive, or forget if she hurt one of my children.

Whitecup4 · 27/01/2021 22:30

Can’t believe you are saying you wouldn’t cut contact, your blinded by love in my eyes, I could never allow someone to be around my child who treated him that way. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks you think it’s ok what she did to him as your letting her be around him again, your giving your son no choice- shame on you.

Pebbledashery · 27/01/2021 22:30

This is a definite justified.. Ltb/nc/call police.. Cut this woman out your life immediately!!!

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SquirtleSquad · 27/01/2021 22:30

5!? Sad poor little guy.7

Yohoheaveho · 27/01/2021 22:30

My own toxic mother is very similar I've not seen her for 15 years or more

KevinTheBird · 27/01/2021 22:30

deeceecherry sorry if I didn’t respond quickly enough, I’ve been on the phone to my siblings to try and work out what to do. Of course I’m not encouraging Ds to lie about what happened.

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PurplePansy05 · 27/01/2021 22:30

Wtf did I just read 😳

Ninkanink · 27/01/2021 22:31

He needs to go to hospital tonight.

dalrympy · 27/01/2021 22:31

Do your siblings have children and has she ever done anything like that to them?

Ninkanink · 27/01/2021 22:32

She’s not a lovely person at all.

SunshineCake · 27/01/2021 22:32

He's only five? Bloody hell.

Just because she's your mother doesn't mean you should keep her in your life. Put your child first ffs.

CheshireCats · 27/01/2021 22:32

But if you don't cut contact with her you are not protecting your children from a known abuser. You are giving your children the message that you won't stand up for what is right against people that hurt them. That it's ok for people to lie and get away with hurting others.

Bipbopbee · 27/01/2021 22:32

@KevinTheBird

Please Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Your mother sounds very much like mine.
I have been free and NC now for five years.
I would also recommend some counselling in the future when you feel able Flowers
I hope DS is ok.

toocold54 · 27/01/2021 22:33

I thought you was going to just say that she called them a fucking idiot - that would have been the end of the relationship for me.

I’m not a violent person but I’d be going round and smashing a frame over her head - there is nothing I find more pathetic that an adult who bullies little kids.
There’s a reason she doesn’t lose her temper with you anymore and that’s because you’re not a child. It’s the same with men who beat women or hurt animals - they only bully those weaker than them.

TiersForFears1 · 27/01/2021 22:34

@KevinTheBird you've been conditioned to accept abuse, please don't let your own dc learn this behaviour.

KevinTheBird · 27/01/2021 22:34

My siblings have kids but live further away so it’s not so much of an issue. They do see her and, as weird as it probably sounds to a lot of people, we are a really close family. Siblings have both said they’d never leave their dc unsupervised with her as I always said too. I just feel so awful that I just didn’t think about them being alone with her because I was in the same house.

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RoisinD · 27/01/2021 22:34

By not being willing to cut contact with your mother you are putting her ahead of the welfare of your children. Please think about it.

PurplePansy05 · 27/01/2021 22:34

OP, how can you stay in contact with her?! She abused you and now she's abusing your child, are you mad? You need to open your eyes pronto. This woman doesn't want to admit to what she's been doing or address it, she'll keep doing it. Please wake up and put your children first. They don't deserve to be treated the same way as she treated you. And you didn't deserve that either. She's vile.

Lougle · 27/01/2021 22:34

I wouldn't be leaving it overnight. You need to phone 111. One of the first things you'll be asked is 'when did this happen?' and an answer of 'yesterday' is not going to go down well.

Whitecup4 · 27/01/2021 22:34

Your post has really pissed me off! And hit a nerve.

Don’t expect your son to have a great relationship with you when he is a adult- People are stupid...they think kids grow up and forget these things.

We don’t fucking forget!!

NewtoHolland · 27/01/2021 22:34

I think you need to explore your childhood in some kind of therapy. You can't let her near your son. He is only 5, what could he have possibly done to deserve that. Your job is to protect him.

SquirtleSquad · 27/01/2021 22:35

Are you siblings shocked? Did she treat them badly too?

toocold54 · 27/01/2021 22:36

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Russellbrandshair · 27/01/2021 22:36

@Doingitaloneandproud

I'd be calling the police and go NC with her, you need to protect your children and not be letting her around them when she can behave like that. If you went back there and she lost her temper again and hurt them, that would be on your conscience.
I agree. She is NOT a “lovely woman” she is a child abuser. She physically abused your child. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but if she had lost it and whacked him over the head it could have killed him.

She is a piece of shit and she’d never see me or my children ever again.

KevinTheBird · 27/01/2021 22:37

Thanks whitecup4 that’s a really helpful comment

Siblings are both horrified. I know it’s stupid but she hasn’t done it for so long and has always treated dc so very differently to how she treated us.

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