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My mum injured my son

558 replies

KevinTheBird · 27/01/2021 21:01

NC’d as this is outing.

My dm is a lovely woman 99% of the time - generous, funny, kind and just a great mum. But she has an incredible temper - growing up we were always walking on eggshells as anything seemed to set her off. She was never massively physically abusive, the odd push or slap, it was mostly saying absolutely horrendous things or leaving us behind and pretending to go home. She once left my brother and I at a station for an hour and was then furious when she came back as a policeman was trying to calm us down. Afterwards she would point blank deny these things had happened.

It probably only happened 1-2 times a year but it certainly made for a weird atmosphere growing up. My mum and dad divorced 15 years ago and since then there has been no hint of this behaviour whatsoever. I now have dc, we live in the same town as my dm and are bubbled with her.

I’ve never left my dc alone with my dm properly- always been in the same house/ place although not directly supervising as her temper has always been at the back of my mind.

Today we were at her house. I was feeling unwell so she said for me to have a nap and she’d look after dc. I did this then 20 minutes later woke up to the sound of dc2 screaming. I ran downstairs, saw my DM’s face and a smashed picture and immediately got dc in car and took them home without saying anything to my dm.

Dc1 said Dc2 had thrown a cushion which had knocked a photo off the wall and smashed and my dm had told him he was a fucking idiot. I asked dc2 if he was ok, he nodded but was obviously shocked which I wasn’t surprised about as he’d never seen my dm like that before.

It was only when I got him out of the car that I realised he was holding his hand tightly and covered in blood. He has about a 2 inch, deep gash across his hand. He said my dm hit him with the smashed frame and it cut him. I’ve patched him up, I don’t think he needs stitches but it’s really nasty.

I messaged dm with a photo saying ‘you cut dc’s hand when you hit him’. She just replied ‘I don’t remember doing that. He shouldn’t have trashed my house’. I was too upset to send anything back but she messaged about an hour later asking if we wanted to go to the park tomorrow.

I’m so sad for my dc, it’s such a nasty cut. I’m so angry with myself for not protecting him when I knew she could do this and I’m so sad that my dm is still doing this all this time later. If she’d apologised, admitted she’d done something wrong, shown some concern for dc I might understand. But she has never apologised for anything and never will.

I don’t know what to do. We’ve been going round there everyday to do schoolwork. It’s not fair and I’m just so bloody angry with her.

OP posts:
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MamaTookMyEyebrows · 28/01/2021 00:48

I haven’t read the full thread. Is your son’s dad on the scene?

I ask because I know that if my mum had done something as utterly horrendous as this (which she wouldn’t because she’s not a child abusing lunatic) and I wasn’t able to cut contact, my husband would make damn sure that the kids never saw her again, even if I couldn’t.

PeggyHill · 28/01/2021 00:53

I know it’s stupid but she hasn’t done it for so long and has always treated dc so very differently to how she treated us

No, it's not stupid. This is actually very common in these situations. Sometimes abusive/shitty parents can look to be fabulous grandparents. My mum is like this. My daughter can do no wrong, in her eyes. She's the perfect little angel and grandma showers her with love and affection and chocolate and laughs off all sorts of things that would have been a slap or a nasty insult with me. You see this pattern of behaviour all of the time with abusive parents.

I'm not NC with my mum, but my situation is very different because my mum is in a different country, so only sees DC a few days a year at most, and me and DH are always there too so it's never been an issue for me. I wouldn't let her be alone with them.

OP, please take your son to A&E and tell them the truth about what happened. It's unlikely that your mum would actually get into any real trouble anyway, and you absolutely need to cover your own back here. If that cut does anything except magically disappear then you are going to be asked questions about it at some point, and you are then in a position where you are either forced to lie, which will be extremely obvious to a doctor/nurse/teacher/social worker/police officer etc, or you have to tell the truth, which would then include you failing to report this or seek medical attention. Then suddenly this becomes your fault as well, and that's scary. You become part of the abuse. Do not let your mum put you in that situation. That would be very, VERY stupid of you.

differentnameforthis · 28/01/2021 01:11

@DeeCeeCherry - Has OP bothered to come back?

Op doesn't owe you anything. Some people find it really hard posting things like this and need time to process the incident, and the replies they receive. As it is, op replied in under 30 minutes.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

EmmaOvary · 28/01/2021 01:12

I'm not sure why your OP starts off describing your mother in glowing terms when what you describe next about your childhood is so clearly abuse. The denying of behaviour is classic gaslighting. The most clear indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour. Your mum was abusive with you, so now she is abusive with your kids. And she will be again. Please wake up and stop brushing off her behaviour as 'she's lovely most of the time', 'not really very physically abusive', 'has a temper.' No. She's an abuser.

RootyT00t · 28/01/2021 01:12

Yep sorry -- another one for the never seeing him or you again.

RootyT00t · 28/01/2021 01:14

@cdtaylornats

What would you report to the police, Ops child vandalised the house and was then hit by Gran?
Yes that's exactly what she'd say. Cause that's what happened. Biscuit
RootyT00t · 28/01/2021 01:14

[quote Notapheasantplucker]@cdtaylornats Are you quite well?[/quote]
Sorry I did laugh at that Grin

lyralalala · 28/01/2021 01:16

[quote saraclara]@lyralalala the OP has rolled back from the 2" deep gash thing now. Seems there was a bit of understandable hyperbole going on when she first posted in shock.

She's confident that his hand is clean and normally mobile. The emotional damage done by waking him up and taking him to A&E for a non-complex injury really isn't justified. he's been through enough today, for a five year old.[/quote]
The physical damage of potentially leaving shards in his cut and not having his hand treated promptly cannot be ignored.

The emotional damage of a social services intervention because someone didn’t bother to get their child prompt medical treatment when they were assaulted should also not be underestimated.

No-one should be giving the OP advice to not get her child treatment based on her minimising her mother’s actions or downplaying the injury because that’s exactly what abuse victims do. They step back, not because their initial explanation of injuries and experiences were hyperbole, but because minimising and explaining away is a learned behaviour.

HarryHarryHarry · 28/01/2021 01:18

My parents did the same - denied ever hitting us or swearing at us.

I would advise you to cut her off but I know how hard it is. I haven’t managed to do it with my parents. But if they hurt one of my children, that would be it for me.

RootyT00t · 28/01/2021 01:19

Some of these responses are horrendous.
What are any of you hoping to achieve by having a go at OP?

OrangutanLibrarianGivesAnOok · 28/01/2021 01:21

It’s sad that you’re teaching your children that abuse is ok

RootyT00t · 28/01/2021 01:22

@OrangutanLibrarianGivesAnOok

It’s sad that you’re teaching your children that abuse is ok
She got her five year old son in the car and left immediately.

In what way is she teaching him that abuse is oK?

RootyT00t · 28/01/2021 01:26

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Assuming that it was a deliberate hit, not her accidentally catching him with the frame as she picked it up or something, then that is unforgivable. Who hits a child with broken glass?
I also wondered this , as five year old recollection isnt ideal, but DMs response suggests otherwise.
CustardySergeant · 28/01/2021 01:37

@cdtaylornats

What would you report to the police, Ops child vandalised the house and was then hit by Gran?
A 5 year old little boy throwing a cushion is not vandalising a house!
MagentaDoesNotExist · 28/01/2021 01:42

@RootyT00t yeah, I'm sure it'd the little boy's fault. HmmAngry

Summerdayshaze · 28/01/2021 01:43

She violently attacked and injured a five year old. Then said he was lying.

She’s a stone cold raving lunatic. And the first time she’s had one of her grandchildren unsupervised she attacks him. No wonder she sent you for a nap. She was waiting for a chance.

LizFlowers · 28/01/2021 01:51

@OrangutanLibrarianGivesAnOok

It’s sad that you’re teaching your children that abuse is ok
The op is teaching her children no such thing. She brought her children home immediately and then saw her son's injury, is now trying to work out what to do. It must have been an awful shock but she will never allow anything like that to happen again.
Italiangreyhound · 28/01/2021 01:56

So sorry OP this is awful.

FourDecades · 28/01/2021 02:10

@KevinTheBird - did dc1 see her hit dc2?

FourDecades · 28/01/2021 02:13

@RootyT00t This is what l thought too, which is why l and others asked if dc1 witnessed dc2 being hit

Sloeginclub · 28/01/2021 02:21

This sounds awful OP. Do you know if your DM has ever voiced concerns over her bad temper? As others have said i would absolutely not leave DC unattended with her again but if you and they love her as your Mum and their Granny to cut her off completely seems too harsh to me (to you and them as well as to her). I'd have a good chat with her about acknowledging her outburst was unacceptable and her seeking help around her lack of control. If she has some kind of mental health issue or condition she may not be able to control herself the way others do. I'm surprised how many people on here are saying 'cut off all contact with your own mother' like that would be easy thing to do. I imagine it would be devastating for you.

Tinkerbell456 · 28/01/2021 02:24

Throwing a cushion is hardly trashing the house! Accidentally breaking something is annoying and he should know not to throw in the house at five, but still. Anyway, where was she? What a unhinged reaction though.

Arobase · 28/01/2021 02:38

It's pointless going to the police: it's the word of a 5 year old against an adult's. They won't be able to do anything.

WanderingMilly · 28/01/2021 02:58

For heaven's sake, never, ever go there again. Why would you? Send a text and explain why, don't enter into any argument when she denies, and stick to it. Your DM is dangerous, it's no different from an abusive partner who does things and then denies it afterwards....
Tell your children you will protect them always, and you'll never put them in such a situation again.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 28/01/2021 02:58

There really are some hysterical nutjobs on this thread. Calm down.

It is more than fine for the OP to take her DC to the doctor in the morning. If there were shards still in his hand, he’d know about it - due to, you know, pain - so we can assume everything is fine, and if not, it’s only a few hours’ wait, while he’s asleep anyway.

OP - your mum is a complete and utter fruit loop. This is so far outside the realms of normal, it’s untrue.

She doesn’t remember slicing his hand? Yeah, right. Who did it, then?

She’s taking you for an absolute fool, and you’re going along for the ride.

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