Teacher grab

[hibijibi15]

Hello, just wondering, does anyone know whether a primary school teacher is allowed to grab a child to stop him from running if he won't listen?

OP, people have repeatedly asked you how you discipline your children, and you've ignored them. From that i can only assume that you don't discipline them. Which is why they don't listen to you - there is no incentive for you to do so.

You say you're not assertive. You need to grow a spine, and demand respect from your children. Parents, if they want to he good ones, don't get to be weak. Your children don't take you seriously, and their lack of respect for you is carrying over to other adults.

It’s perfectly possible for utterly normal children to on occasion be badly behaved to the point a teacher had to grab them to stop them running around after being asked not to.

I don’t see there’s any inconsistency.

The boys don’t appear to need support OP but you do. I suggest you speak to the school about parenting support in your area. They will be able to provide information.

Someone did say hide. I think they meant 'hide the thread' though, so OP wouldn't be disturbed by it.

I agree with LittleBearPad and previous posters - a parenting course sounds like a good idea and one that could make a lot of difference as they're so young.
I agree that you're stressed, having been ill, the father walking out, a pandemic... That's a lot to deal with!
It's great that you have a good relationship with the teacher-maybe just adopt a watch and see approach if most things at school seem to be going smoothly. Is it that you are concerned that the being a handful at home is spilling over into school?

Sorry but it's getting more confusing. Why do you imagine I would make that up and post it on here?

He's not four yet, and he spelled out his new classmates name that day and she was really impressed and approached me at the gates and said he would be reading really soon and that she would be giving him a bit of extra time aside to develop this and it is obvious he is getting his needs met at home for him to be so happy and motivated.
I'd already had a really good day and didn't think it could get any better. I was on cloud nine.

If I sound like I'm making things up then I understand better peoples attitude towards me.

I do however have a very interfering friend who sometimes bumps into the teachers and has even chatted about my kids to them, which is not her place to do and I haven't dealt with yet. This is a friend who seems to be engineering situations and I'm just realising the extent of it. She says to me that I have no confidence and shit like that and I'm just wondering how much she has been saying of this to other people including the teachers.

Gosh op. This is so far from normal it’s concerning. You need to speak to your gp and seek help for yourself. No one on here can help you, just speak to your doctor snd tell them everything you are saying on Here and hopefully they get some help for you

I do however have a very interfering friend who sometimes bumps into the teachers and has even chatted about my kids to them, which is not her place to do and I haven't dealt with yet

Well that's not something you need to worry about because teachers will not be disgussing your children with your friend of they bump into her. They are not allowed. Who told you that was happening?

Also I completely belive that a teacher would pull you aside and tell you your child is doing well and inform you that they will be giving him extra support (although if he's doing really well, why does he need extra time over the rest of the class?) but telling you he is obviously having his needs met at home is a strange thing to say, unless there have been concerns that they may not have been before?

When a child of school age deliberately ignores an adult in a position of authority (particularly outside of the family), two possibilities that spring to mind:

either there is an undiagnosed SN

or

they have not learnt at home that they have to listen to adults (or there will be consequences)

This is why people keep asking you what you do at home when they refuse to listen. This isn't about them being assholes or anything- it's something young children need to be taught through carefully and consistently enforced consequences.

Even if there is some kind of SN, that won't do away with your job of teaching them that they have to listen to adults: it just means you may have to use more specially targeted methods, like giving carefully timed instructions.

I appreciate that you've been having a horrible time of it and not surprised you feel exhausted, but even the best teacher in the world won't get far with teaching them that they have to listen if that work is being undermined at home by them getting away with not listening. It has to start at home.

Ohart yes I haven't replied to that question and there have been a few I've not replied to. There are so many things that it's hard to answer, so many complicated in depth situations.
But yes the disciplining question was hard to answer and now I look at it, I maybe aren't managing to discipline them as I should.
Someone posted 'most kids would be embarrassed' and it's a good point because honestly they don't respond to things in the same way as 'most kids'.

Time out or suchlike has never even been worth trying,
My Mum was a primary school teacher so has plenty of experience up her sleeve. Guess what? Neither.
Counting to five etc, not worked. But yes I think it's something I need to work on but it's been really hard to be able to think straight, for so many reasons. Chemo brain fog, perimenopausal hormone shifts, insomnia, long way from conveniences, no network, DIY everything!

Just an aside and I know it's just a detail and doesn't really matter but the father didn't walk out, I told him to leave, hoping he would get himself sorted, perhaps find help for his MH problems which he admits to having, but he's just getting worse and even had himself a heart attack last week which I only knew about from receiving the blood test results from the hospital.

I agree that a parenting course could be good, I even asked around for one two years ago. There's nothing around here. It's hard to get anywhere when people keep telling you there's nothing wrong, you're doing fine, everythings normal etc. Argh.

I would never have imagined life could become so difficult but for that reason and never knowing how long I will live, I do lots of wonderful things with my boys and we have a great laugh together. Things have been so crazy that I understand how it could sound fictive.

Corythatwas thanks for your post, you managed not to get my back up. I personally suspect SN. Perhaps for myself too, but it's been hard to address because peole don't seem to want you to go there, I don't get it.
They will say things like 'why a label'? etc. Personally, I have nothing against any labels, all I am looking for are the correct tools to effectively communicate with my two. I am waiting to hear back for an appointment for an assessment, maybe that will help with fathoming whether it is me not communicating effectively or other. I hope it helps. It feels like I've been banging my head agaist a wall.
I am really conscious of timing etc for giving intructions, getting down to their level, understanding that they need time to process, letting them finish their business, warning them in advance etc.

When a child of school age deliberately ignores an adult in a position of authority (particularly outside of the family), two possibilities that spring to mind:either there is an undiagnosed SN or they have not learnt at home that they have to listen to adults (or there will be consequences)

Sorry you missed one, they are a normal kid pushing their boundaries who had a bad day, you know, just like an adult who looses their temper every now and again.

Kinda the most obvious answer..,no?

I personally suspect SN

This is so sad. Two doctors, a teacher, a psychiatrist have all told uou your kids are normal. It looks likely it’s you due to the issues you’ve faced. You’ve even been told this by a professional. And you’re still saying your kids are to blame.

😞

Glasscase 'unless'...

Twice you have said something is not the case, when it IS!!!

My friend is in a charity with the teacher and they did chat about my boys. Why twice tell me something I say is not true? My friend told me. They told her how they really enjoy their company at school, really lovely boys, etc. Previous concerns I suppose would be understandable given the circumstances if they need listing again.

And this is exactly it, it's all hard to understand and I understand I sound a little 'deranged' but you say 'unless....previously otherwise' and I agree.

This did happen. Last week. Not even enough time ago for the facts to become blurry in my tired old mind. Promise

Bluntness there is no blame except in your mind. This is not about blame. I accept responsibility too, I am trying to find out what I can do better. Did you not read the parts where I have sought help for MYSELF also, to be told that I and my kids are fine.

Bluntness your posts feel like a blunt knife going in, is that the intention?

Bluntness did you read how many times I have been and asked for help? When you say 'this is so sad' it is you who is inflicting sadness. My boys are the happiest boys I have ever seen!!

Poor teacher. Not happy? Keep your ‘lively’ son at home.

OP, you sound so stressed. I hope you're OK.

To answer what I think is the main thrust of your question - it is perfectly possible to have a happy child who is doing brilliantly, ahead of their milestones, ready to start reading and all the things the teacher praises who also has a really bad day when they aren't in the mood for listening, so goes tearing around the classroom and has to be physically stopped. That is easily the same kid, especially when that kid is 4, their mummy has been ill, their dad has gone and they're living in the middle of a pandemic!

I will add that these boys don't deliberately ignore an adult. They don't hear it, they are elsewhere. They are not deliberately ignoring.

@hibijibi15

Glasscase 'unless'...

Twice you have said something is not the case, when it IS!!!

My friend is in a charity with the teacher and they did chat about my boys. Why twice tell me something I say is not true? My friend told me. They told her how they really enjoy their company at school, really lovely boys, etc. Previous concerns I suppose would be understandable given the circumstances if they need listing again.

And this is exactly it, it's all hard to understand and I understand I sound a little 'deranged' but you say 'unless....previously otherwise' and I agree.

This did happen. Last week. Not even enough time ago for the facts to become blurry in my tired old mind. Promise

So they weren't actually discussing anything personal about your boys apart from saying how lovely they are. Why do you have a problem with it then? You seem angry about it? I told you I don't believe that the teacher called you over to say what a great homelife your children must have, and that it's obvious that their needs are being met. That's just not something a teacher randomly says unless there have been previous concerns that these things weren't happening.

Wowsers posting on here is an experience in itself. As in, some people make you cry with their gentle, loving, understanding nature, and some people really pull you down towards their (transitory I hope) quaggy dankness. It's all part of the rich tapestry I suppose. But still, there really are some aren't there.

@hibijibi15

I will add that these boys don't deliberately ignore an adult. They don't hear it, they are elsewhere. They are not deliberately ignoring.

If that was the case then teachers and the specialists thatbyou have taken them to would have picked up on it.

OP are you in the UK?

Well, no. As a child, my needs wouldn't include an absent violent alcoholic father and a mother with a potentially recurring life shortening/deadly disease so there is that.

Nope

GCOE I am disconcerted about the extent to which a certain friend has interefed in my life