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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Teacher grab

202 replies

hibijibi15 · 27/01/2021 10:05

Hello, just wondering, does anyone know whether a primary school teacher is allowed to grab a child to stop him from running if he won't listen?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2021 11:03

Op, how can you not see that complaining she should not habe grabbed him and behaved incorrectly is not undermining her? I don’t understand how logically you can’t grasp that?

StacySoloman · 27/01/2021 11:03

Do you think it is a discipline issue eg a parenting course might support you to be more assertive with the children?

Or if something more and normal parenting techniques like firm, clear boundaries, routines, bedtimes, consequences aren't making any impact, maybe ask for speak to the school SENCO?

Ohalrightthen · 27/01/2021 11:03

Discipline is part of parenting, OP, one of the most important parts.

How old are your children, and what techniques do you use? Have you got them any additional support following all the upheaval they've been through?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education General parenting

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2021 11:06

Agree

Op if you struggle to discipline and be assertive with them then people can help

How old are they?
What is the typical behaviour you encounter. Give examples
What actions do you take to discipline.

AlexaShutUp · 27/01/2021 11:07

There are other parents whose children I am sure she just would not dare to grab. I am the opposite and that is why I want to make sure that if something is not going well, it isn't going to be my son who suffers becaus all the other parents have support networks AND are much more assertive and I don't.

OP, the teacher will not respond differently to your kids because she thinks you're soft, or because you're not assertive. That really isn't how it works. However, the lack of assertiveness could be an issue with your boys, as you say that they won't listen to you, so this is probably something to work on. Do they listen to anybody?

Sirzy · 27/01/2021 11:09

Your posts are very confusing and seem to have gone miles from your initial point and into some vendetta against the teacher.

Sometimes teachers need to intervene to keep children in their care safe. I was very thankful to the teacher who chased and grabed 6 year old DS to stop him getting off school grounds at the end of the day.

If your concerned about your child’s behaviour in school talk to them and discuss what can be done by you and school to help.

And stop trying to compare to other families!

Original poster

hibijibi15 · 27/01/2021 11:09

They are not assholes they really are not, they are nicer than most adults. Everybody loves them they are really kind.
But they won't listen.
It's so ironic. I have been convinced they have some kind of issue, since before they started school.

I suggested this to the teacher but she just has been telling me they are normal(even my childminder who knows the teacher told her that they were perhaps a bit 'atypical' and the teacher just made out to the childminder (who was wonderful and with 30 + years experience) that the childminder just wasn't dealing with it correctly).
I have been to two doctors, and a child psychiatrist , and (even if they were trying to unscrew the chair he was sitting on) everyone just tells me that it's NORMAL (the psy said they were highly intellingent and lucky to be alive) so it has been like banging my head against a wall trying to get help when no one will admit they are a handful.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 27/01/2021 11:11

How many children are we discussing?

Original poster

hibijibi15 · 27/01/2021 11:11

They are nearly 4 and 6.
No vendetta against the teacher.

OP posts:

AlexaShutUp · 27/01/2021 11:14

What is it exactly that makes you think they have some kind of issue, OP? Can you give a bit more detail?

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2021 11:15

Op. I mean this gently. But if everyone is saying their behaviour is normal. Could the issue be you and your ability to cope? You’ve been through a really tough time and must still be adjusting. Potentially stress, depression, anxiety, or any number of other things are causing you to view normal kids behaviour as something else

Yes. Most four and six year olds are a handful. So if they have been assessed and the results are the behaviour is normal,,potentially it’s your ability to see it for that that’s the issue?

Sirzy · 27/01/2021 11:16

In the nicest possible way they are still tiny and have had a lot of upheaval in their lives. Stop dragging them around different doctors looking for an answer your seemingly not going to get and focus on building the stability back into their lives. Give them time to adjust to how things are now.

If your struggling perhaps look if you can find support for you? Look at home start or parenting courses or things.

GravityFalls · 27/01/2021 11:17

Well, they can be normal and badly behaved. Not listening or following instructions IS normal, or well within the bounds of normal, for infant school children but it is also something that needs to be nipped in the bud and dealt with firmly.

Rowenasemolina · 27/01/2021 11:18

Yes, that SF oh did VM like a CB legitimate ‘grab’

Rowenasemolina · 27/01/2021 11:19

Wow! What is my phone saying ? Sorry. I was trying to type that sounds like a legitimate ‘grab’

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2021 11:21

What support have you sought for you op? Your own mental health?

Two kids in this age range, during lock down, first time as a single parent, following illness is going to be something most folks struggle with.

I honestly thought your kids would be older from how you were talking. Like Tweenies up. So was surprised when you stated they were basically tots.

Having kids this age at home is a handful for anyone. That’s hugely normal.

I think stop trying to see if they are the problem. And focus on if it’s you and you need help. It would be nothing to be ashamed of if it is.

Your posts are all over the place, which indicates that potentially it’s you personally that’s struggling to cope and where the issue lies, not the kids. And as said, that would be totally understandable, if not to be expected under these circumstances.

Original poster

hibijibi15 · 27/01/2021 11:25

I know, I am confused too. And I've got too much to deal with and too much on my mind for it to come out clearly especially when I should be doing so many other things, not writing on a forum (like shelves to build, kids to feed, etc) oops
School don't have an issue with their behaviour, they say are fine, it's all perfect. But she had to grab him and he got really angry and shouted. After seeing the teachers on Friday I am more confused and think I need another meeting with them.

I am not working against the teachers I am really pleasant with them and have never taken any issue with them.

OP posts:

MintyMabel · 27/01/2021 11:25

I’m always amazed when perfectly behaved children at home become really badly behaved at school. Isn’t most people’s experience that this is the other way round?

Sirzy · 27/01/2021 11:30

Things like shelves can wait. Feeding kids can’t wait but keep it simple! Don’t add to your stress with things that don’t matter - it’s not going to help you or them.

Be honest with the school, with everything going on nobody will judge when you say “I’m struggling” infact the answer is more likely to be “I’m not surprised”

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2021 11:31

Ok then don’t take issue now.

Honestly you need to stop with trying to make the kids the problem,. How many professionals need to tell you your children are normal before you believe it? It’s going to impact them. Deep down they are going to know their mum thinks there is something wrong with them. To the extent she makes them see doctors etc. And it’s hugely damaging.

Get help for yourself. Accept that if there is a problem. And that problem isn’t them. Then logically that problem is you. And that’s understandable as said. You’ve been through a lot. If you’re suffering from stress, anxiety, depression or whatever you would be unable to cope snd discipline

But you need to stop and accept the children are normal.

OverTheRainbow88 · 27/01/2021 11:33

You need a behaviour strategy you use at home which is consistent and fair and one which they both understand.

My 4 year old responds well to a 4 min time out where he sits on a designated chair and calms down, after 4 min we have a chat about why he had to sit there and then he says sorry and we move in.

Are they getting outside for daily exercise? Bike riding/play ground/ climbing/scootering/football- anything to tire them out physically?

RB68 · 27/01/2021 11:40

Sorry they have seen Mum poorly, and Dad disappearing and they are 4 and 6 in lockdown with disrupted school - of course they are a handful. For any child - not just boys (why is the fact they are boys even relevant) getting enough exercise and wearing them out and also getting them to listen when they are emotional roller coasters for a variety of reasons is Normal. Try some get to their level, maintain eye contact and be straight with them, when they misbehave use time out and make them stick to it. There must be consequences for their behaviour. I am assuming its the 6 yr old that was grabbed (could be wrong) but this is an age many children challenge boundaries and we have extra ones in place, and yes teachers are allowed to touch students and to prevent running around and playing the fool during covid times would be valid and I would be reinforcing that with the child at home not pandering to him.

Original poster

hibijibi15 · 27/01/2021 11:43

I do need some kind of help but it's hard to look for and hard to find what I need when I have so many day to day logistics to get through beore being able to search for comfort!
I live remotely too, no friends or family or neighbours to take the kids on whatever occasion!
I did get told about some family councelling so went there and they told me my kids were really happy and well and fine so suggested somewhere I could go for help for myself but I don't know what could help me really. Plus it's in two weeks and I've got to cancel because there's no school that day. Round and round we go.
A father would have been good :(
I will reply properly soon, not ignoring anyone, got to go do something, I'll be back later

OP posts:

RB68 · 27/01/2021 11:45

Reading more between the lines I think you need help to adjust to the new normal of just you and the boys and the sooner you get it the better - even if its help to set up your new home.

I remember building stuff with my Dad age 6 - anything to keep them occupied even if its counting the screws and reading /following the instructions, its only like lego and meccano only real.

You do sound like you are in a difficult situation with lots of new normal and the adjustment for everyone is hard and I think you personally need some support especially after such large surgery yourself. I am not sure what the situation with your ex was but if there was any sort of abuse/bullying etc the Womens refuge are a great resource for help as well as shelter - they have specialist staff but also have great connections with relevant healthcare workers, social services, charities and more to ease your transition to a new life.

Original poster

hibijibi15 · 27/01/2021 11:47

Pandering not. Exercise loads it's a priority, walks every day plus 3000m2 of garden!
I do everything like getting down to their level, explaining, etc. They can't listen.
I know if there was just one, he would listen, but one always distracts the other

OP posts:

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