School head ordered my daughter to sit on her own

[coclala]

My 3 year old daughter woke up and asked for milk. Then she told me something and I am stunned.
She has a very close friend at school. She almost only play with her. In the parents meeting last week, her class teacher mentioned nothing more than she and that girl had a great relationship. In the meeting there was also head of pre school. The following is from my daughter : Today, the head came into her class and ask her to move to another table to separate her and her best friend. My daughter said no. Then she was asked to sit on her own. My daughter was scared to tell me that the head asked her to move the table. I was getting very emotional.

If you were me, how would you react?

I want to have a chat with the head tomorrow morning and ask her why she wanted to separate my daughter and her best friend before I send my daughter in. I guess we may have to change school if the chat was unsuccessful.

I can't tell if you're taking the piss or not. It just gets more bizarre with every update

you'd like to teach her how to cope with situations? Lead by example by not overreacting!

That. You got really emotional because she had to move away from her best friend for a few minutes? You are teaching her that she's not strong enough to deal with things, and that she can't rely on you to be strong either.

There were some parents of my daughter's classmates in primary school who were obsessed with their children always being with their best friends. They found the end of every academic year incredibly stressful, as the school mixed up the classes every year. They were constantly terrified that their child and their best friend would be in different classes in September. And if it happened they were beside themselves. The rest of us parents just rolled our eyes at them.

The staff (almost always) act in the best interests of the children - parents often forget this and get very caught up in their child's version of events. I'd let it go op.

I once took a class of mine on a school trip and one of the boys (reception age) kept messing about near the edge of the road. He wouldn't listen to me so I did have to be firm / cross but it was only because of his safety. The next day I had a complaint from mum saying I'd "upset" her ds. Ffs I'd potentially saved his life!

Oh boy it's going to be a lot of drama once she starts primary school !!!

You need to tell your daughter to behave and if told by a teacher to move seats she does not say no. That's very cheeky .

Also she is 3. Chill out or those school years are going to be hell for you. And her teachers if you show up at the gate demanding to know why her and her disruptive friends have been separated.

One other thing. ..... Bin those bloody books !

As some one who works in a nursery a few things here seem a little odd/unlikely. Best to talk to nursery to find out what happened.

It would break my heart if one of my children told me that . I would definitely speak to the head teacher before taking my child back into school. Experience tells me that maybe my child’s side of the story isn’t 100% . Never the less I wouldn’t send my child to school until I have spoken to the school and am happy with their explanation

Mother of 6 girls here.

Put the books down because they're not helping, they are over complicating things. Children are not computers, they cannot be programmed to be emotionally "safe". Emotions are far too complex for that to be realistic. Children are happy based on how they are loved and by positive reinforcement within the home and by encouraging healthy social relationships and only having one friend is not healthy. You don't know where life will take any of you and if this best friend was to move away or be unwell for a protracted period your daughter will be isolated.

Also: your daughter only became self aware 12 months ago (approx) and she is currently learning about relationships and boundaries so let her learn. One of the most important learning tools is "freedom to fail" and this involves learning from poor choices/mistakes and that is what is happening currently. You cannot control her environments now or in the future so she must learn to navigate the uncomfortable bits and to moderate her own behaviour without your interference every time something happens that she is uncomfortable with.

You're also putting way to much on to her; she's 3 years old, she's still a toddler, stop trying to mold her into a mini adult because she's not one.

You want her to succeed and I get that but 1) that's her life path not yours and 2) let her be a child.

I'm not a fan of hot housing and helicopter parenting. It does more harm than good.

I closed my eyes and asked myself : Am I micro manage my 3 year old? Am I worrying too much for her?

"Without knowing the goal, only talking about parenting is pointless." yes I said that.

When I am old, I would like to think my daughter and her family enjoy spending time with her mum (me) and dad regularly.

To be honest, I don't have a role model myself so I don't know how to build a close relationship with my daughter. I am scared of doing too much or too little. I lived in the UK for over 15 years and I haven't seen any great examples neither. To me I have seen many "care too little about their kids" examples. When they grow up, they often very respect their parents but they don't go very close. Personal opinion. My experience is limited.

Of course, it's only my own wish. I can't force my daughter if she doesn't want to be close to me. Then I should learn do something right now to avoid disappointment.

I am going to set up a long term goal called - finding balance. Basically looking for the balanced relationship that everyone in my family will find it nourishing. Me and my husband keep being the best friends, and fight occasionally. Me and my daughter have a close and stress free bond.

I thank to you all for stopping by and leave your opinion. Especially some of them are extremely inspirisional.

Until next time I heard something about my daughter's bad experience at school, I will stay cool.

Shes 3. Theres a reason for this. Maybe try trusting the school. Too many complainers these days. Its not to be horrible.

Just keep in mind that she’s her own person and support her.

It comes across in spades how much you love her and that you want to do a good job as her mum and have a good relationship with her but try and relax. Children need love and acceptance, they don’t need life to be perfect otherwise when they’re grown up and it’s not perfect they’ll struggle.

You need to check what happened. Your child is three and may have got things confused. It may be that she was being directed toward a specific activity; or even that the head was trying to move all of the children a little further apart, for modified social distancing purposes. Or maybe she was getting over-excited or rough and the head wanted, rightly or wrongly, to briefly isolate her from the children with whom she was currently playing. If the head was deliberately trying to control or dilute the friendship, then this seems objectionable, but best not to assume this until you've discussed it.

Wow wot happened to a normal family

I'd be more concerned that my daughter, irrespective of age, was answering back to a person in authority and refused to do what was asked of her!
I'd be having words with her, not the school.

I would trust the motives of the head of the pre-school and talk to her, before jumping to any negative conclusions.

There are some very good suggestions on this thread about possible explanations; you just need to ask to get to the bottom of it. I liked @Topseyt's ideas for a relaxed way to enquire.

What a surprisingly articulate 3 year old.

coclala I am sorry that you seem to have had negative experiences about mother-daughter relationships. But plenty of mothers have very close and happy relationships.

I've just come off the phone to my 24yo daughter- and I don't think there is any doubt that she loves me and enjoys talking to me. Tomorrow I'll be speaking to my own mum (now in her late 80s) and I really enjoy that.

I really do think that both my mum and I have made things easier for our respective daughters by not taking every little part of life too seriously and by not insisting that everything has to be perfect. Some really bad things have happened that we could not prevent, but having encouraged a good sense of proportion has helped. And knowing that you can talk to your mum about everything because she is tough as old boots is very helpful.

What a surprisingly articulate 3 year old.

Particularly articulate for 3, yes; surprising, not really. I've known more than one 3 year old who could relay the events as per the OP.

There is a just-turned 4 year old at DD's nursery who is as articulate as many 6 year olds I've met. I couldn't believe that she wasn't starting school this year!

Of course get an explanation from the nursery, but if a member of staff is deliberately isolating a three year old, would they be honest about it? I doubt it. Be pleased that your child felt able to talk to you and listen to your instincts.

Angrywife so you want your dc to obey authority figures unquestioningly even when it makes them feel uncomfortable or scared? You want them to ignore their own feelings and do what’s asked of them?

And then you want your dc to fear telling you they felt uncomfortable or that they didn’t obey an adult?

Can you see how that makes them just a little bit vulnerable?

@Arosadra kids who say an outright no to their teachers are going to have a very rough ride through their school years.

It's possible to learn how to behave at school, yet still have the confidence and ability to deal with coercion from other quarters. Virtually everyone went through the school system, yet the population is by no means unquestioning.

Perhaps this peticular preschool class is too formal for her? PPerhaps she is not ready to be sitting at tables doing phonics and numbers. Perhaps she needs a less formal setting that is more play based?

Would definitely ask the head what was going on.

1. So that your daughter knows you are there and will listen to her. So she will come to you when things happen.
2. There is possibly a little more to the story so would be good to get the other side and then discuss again with your daughter.

I would like to help her to integrate her emotional and logical brain from a young age and hope her neuron fire and connect in an intelligent way that she will think positively and happily on her own

Sorry, what?

OP, you do realise young children learn the most through play?

Ask the teacher what happened but also listen to your child and see what is really bothering her. It might be something that the staff aren’t aware of and this is her way of telling you. Hope it gets sorted and she will be happy going back to nursery

Get rid of those books. They sound full of psychobabble and are introducing you to some seriously bizarre thinking.

Have a bonfire for them.