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Parenting

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Original poster

School head ordered my daughter to sit on her own

231 replies

coclala · 02/12/2020 01:22

My 3 year old daughter woke up and asked for milk. Then she told me something and I am stunned.
She has a very close friend at school. She almost only play with her. In the parents meeting last week, her class teacher mentioned nothing more than she and that girl had a great relationship. In the meeting there was also head of pre school. The following is from my daughter : Today, the head came into her class and ask her to move to another table to separate her and her best friend. My daughter said no. Then she was asked to sit on her own. My daughter was scared to tell me that the head asked her to move the table. I was getting very emotional.

If you were me, how would you react?

I want to have a chat with the head tomorrow morning and ask her why she wanted to separate my daughter and her best friend before I send my daughter in. I guess we may have to change school if the chat was unsuccessful.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SugarCoatIt · 02/12/2020 06:36

Perhaps she was misbehaving or being a bit disruptive, but you're never going to be able to put any of it into context without asking them.

As another PP pointed out, she could've been having a dream.

Personally, it wouldn't concern me overly and so I would just leave it, but it sounds like it's something very important to you, so if it will put your kind at ease, then by all means speak to them.

Did you ask your daughter what happened before she was moved? Sometimes my kids have told me things and then when I've asked "what happened before that?" They've told me something that helps make everything make sense.

I do think that getting so emotional over it isn't going to do you or your daughter much good, especially if you are showing her that emotion as she is recounting things which are pretty par for the course as far as nursery/school goes.

I also think talk of moving schools is very extreme.

AlizarinRed · 02/12/2020 06:37

3 year olds can appear quite 'mature' compared to when they were babies.
Do you have an older child who you can compare them to, I suspect not. Do you have a baby that makes the 3 year old seem like a competent older child. Because at 3 they are still babies really.

TheSilentStars · 02/12/2020 06:42

Most likely scenarios in no particular order:

Staff want children to mix with others
Other child has nits
Other parent has asked for them to be separated
Covid

Less likely scenarios in no particular order

The head came into the room and randomly made your child move.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families General parenting

MrsJonesAndMe · 02/12/2020 06:47

Do you mean Year 3? Or 3 years old? Ask the school but be polite and calm, there's been a misunderstanding somewhere!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/12/2020 06:48

Um - why is this making you emotional?

SionnachRua · 02/12/2020 06:51

Oh I remember doing a placement with a preschool class of that age (I'm a primary teacher but they wanted us to see what experience the kids might be coming from). One went home and said I'd told everyone there was no Santa. Nope, not true.

Another went home and said that the room leader had stripped them all naked and sprayed them with the hose. Nope, not true.

Another said that she'd been to visit the zoo during the school day and one of the elephants let her shake its trunk. Also...you guessed it...not true! Kids that age are not reliable narrators. Whatever you do don't go in all guns blazing.

Russell19 · 02/12/2020 06:51

3 year old don't sit at tables, not in the way you are suggesting anyway- maybe for 5 minutes tops!

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 02/12/2020 06:54

I remember my friends private school nursery had tables... and time sat at tehm in their spots. which was why I was asking. I was surprised at the time but its something I'd avoid.

ApplestheHare · 02/12/2020 06:54

coclala did you already have concerns about the setting before this? As others have said, it seems strange to be so worried about this as children sit in different places all the time. I can only think that you've had other worries and that's why you seem to have gone straight for thinking that you might need to move your daughter (presumably away from the close friend anyway).

FortunesFave · 02/12/2020 06:55

At the same age, my highly articulate and intelligent child told me she'd spent an entire day sitting in the corner and "Eating bits off the wall"

Of course she hadn't. Who knows why they say such weird things. I did check with the teacher who promised me that DD had spent a happy day in the "shop" and painting.

tulippa · 02/12/2020 06:57

A 3 year old in nursery will not be sitting at a table in the same space all day. Your DD will have plenty of time to spend with her friend when not at the table (most of the day apart from when eating).

Why would the headteacher be involved in seating arrangements? Just (neutrally) ask the class teacher what happened.

lunar1 · 02/12/2020 06:57

They really need to have more friends at that age, I would ask the teacher what actually happened.

Sittinbythesea · 02/12/2020 07:06

As others have said it’s likely your dd has got the wrong end of the stick. Especially as 3 year olds don’t spend long at tables anyway. Also when 2 little ones have a very close friendship it’s often one sided and one of the two may feel suffocated (but being 3 be unable to express / cope with this). It’s not good when child get overly fixated on another and the other child’s parents are very likely to ask the preschool to help with the situation. Not saying this is the case with your dd but it does happen very frequently- and still at secondary.

stillfeelingmad · 02/12/2020 07:06

The fact that she was 'scared' to tell you would definitely have me thinking there was a little bit of disruptive behaviour or giddiness before this request.
She thinks you'll know and be cross.
Or it could equally be that it's just to spread them out and not have them be so dependant on one another. It's not a good idea in case on of them is off sick, moves house or their parent dramatically pulls them out of the school because of one very minor bump as told by a 3 yo

stillfeelingmad · 02/12/2020 07:07

Having said that I really do get how things can feel very different in the middle of a sleep deprived night, see how you feel this morning

Ironingontheceiling · 02/12/2020 07:11

Just go to the school and find out what happened. There may be a completely legitimate and sensible reason.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2020 07:21

On reading the OP I also thought it was a dream. If not, I suspect it didn't happen quite the way your child perceived it (not saying she's lying). It seems very odd for someone to walk into a room and move a child for no reason.

AvoidingRealHumans · 02/12/2020 07:21

Whenever I have asked school to clarify anything that my child has said I always make sure I don't sound accusatory and I make it clear that my child could have the wrong end of the stick so I just wanted to check, nothing worse than going in all guns blazing and being wrong.

We had parents evening yesterday and my sons teacher said to me that he has a very strong friendship with one particular child but that she does split them up quite regularly as they are both so dependent on each other. When one is off the other is sad and doesn't know what to do with themselves and will sit alone in the playground. She wants to encourage bonds with other children and I am pleased she is doing that.
It could be anything, you need to ask rather than get upset before knowing the facts.

Tomorrowistomorrow · 02/12/2020 07:24

Good grief. Ask -nicely.

So maybe the Head of Pre School wanted to talk to the other child and asked your daughter to play nicely on the next table so there was space for her to sit and and observe / talk to the other child etc and your daughter she refused was rude.

Now she's 3 and knows she is in trouble -as she was rude so therefore 1) doesn't want to mention it 2)forgets it 3) puts the spin on it as above in the way every 3 year old does

One of my DC told the class and the Head that we were getting them a baby brother, he was black but wasn't going to have to the same Mummy and Daddy. (Aged 7) They told this repeatedly -the Head asked -we were getting them a boy kitten -he was black and we had been to choose the kitten a few weeks before.

One of the DC told the teacher I had hit them for not being able to read their reading book and said it was too hard. Pulled into Head's office and spoken to with said DC. (aged 5) I asked DC to show the Head how I had hit them -they patted the Headteacher gently on the shoulder and said 'There, There Don't worry, I'll let the teacher know'

Another DC told they HT we were moving to Africa in 2018 -we weren't -aged 7

Another DC told the HT they were related to the Royal Family..............

You get the picture.

I also remember a parent storming into the nursery demanding to know why the teacher had been making them march up and down and abusing them by giving them orders screaming about it "being disgusting". Lovely moment when the teacher produced video footage of them doing "The grand old Duke of York" and the chidren all loving it pretending to be soliders etc while the teacher had pretended to be the one leading them and the children all laughing about and enjoying themselves.

DartmoorDoughnut · 02/12/2020 07:26

It’ll be something completely innocuous, promise!

Definitely query it or it’ll drive you crazy but in a relaxed way along the lines of I’m not sure if this was a dream but xxxxxx was upset about being moved away from xxxxx yesterday and I just wondered if I could have some clarification if this actually happened so I can reassure her

ImPrincessAurora · 02/12/2020 07:28

I guess we may have to change school if the chat was unsuccessful

Slight overreaction.

By all means speak to the school to understand what took place. It may be that they want the children to develop a wider social circle. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if one is off sick or similar it gives them other options.

I imagine the sitting in their own was perhaps a time out for not doing what they were told? This I would be interested in.

FixTheBone · 02/12/2020 07:29

I remember being separated from my best friend at school (probably aged 4 or 5), mainly because we were constantly nattering and disturbing the rest of the class.

TableCat · 02/12/2020 07:31

As the teacher for clarification but as a teacher I would imagine if this happened it was that your daughter and her friend were sat at the focused activity table, and it was her friend's turn so your daughter was asked to choose another activity she didn't and so was directed to one.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2020 07:31

I had a parent come and ask me why their child had been told off - she hadn't, it turned out to be a dream.

My own dd told me once she had to bring cow manure to school to make wattle and daub. It was true that they were making wattle and daub in school and that cow manure used to be a constituent but she had been asked to bring twigs.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/12/2020 07:32

Is this a private school? Or are you talking about a Y3 child?

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