School head ordered my daughter to sit on her own

[coclala]

My 3 year old daughter woke up and asked for milk. Then she told me something and I am stunned.
She has a very close friend at school. She almost only play with her. In the parents meeting last week, her class teacher mentioned nothing more than she and that girl had a great relationship. In the meeting there was also head of pre school. The following is from my daughter : Today, the head came into her class and ask her to move to another table to separate her and her best friend. My daughter said no. Then she was asked to sit on her own. My daughter was scared to tell me that the head asked her to move the table. I was getting very emotional.

If you were me, how would you react?

I want to have a chat with the head tomorrow morning and ask her why she wanted to separate my daughter and her best friend before I send my daughter in. I guess we may have to change school if the chat was unsuccessful.

Those books are not bibles! They are there for you to read and think about but not to apply every word. You take things you like or strategies that might work for you / your child / your situation but you don't take the whole encompassing thing and apply it, that is stressful on both you as a parent and certainly on your child, like fitting a round peg into a square hole. And trust me, if you had another child you'd need to use different strategies with that child that has worked with your first!

You definitely need to relax more. Teach your DD to have good values, how to share, to be kind / a good friend, how to be independent, how to recognise and regulate their emotions and have fun.

Don't focus on this nest friend, it is lovely to have close friendships but better to have a variety of friends. Think about what that mother said, her DD didn't want to go to school but the thought of yours and was what got her there. That's a lot of pressure on one child... what if your DD was poorly for a few days / went on holiday / changed school. You should make sure your child is resilient enough to cope with these changes.

Those books are not bibles 😂😂😂

My favourite book is Whole Brain Child. I would like to help her to integrate her emotional and logical brain from a young age and hope her neuron fire and connect in an intelligent way that she will think positively and happily on her own. Sound crazy? Well I am trying to guide my daughter a good start of her life.

You can read as many books as you like but all this ‘neuron fire’ will be adversely affected by your over the top antics. Your behaviour is the most important thing for her and as it stands your overly-emotional (and invested) behaviour on such a trivial matter will cause more emotional damage than anything else.

My DD had a best friend when she was 3. They were totally inseparable.

Best friend moved 200 miles away when they were 4, and DD never saw her again. DD was upset for about 5 minutes and then moved onto another friend.

Point of story - it might seem all important now, but in the scheme of things this is just something fairly minor going on in your DD's life. Many other things will happen to her.

Ok, OP, out of 24 years experience of motherhood:

Children do not need a parent who organises every moment of their life to be ideal.

In fact, this isn't helpful. A parent who gets anxious about every minor aspect of life will be sending signals to their child that life is a scary place and that they cannot cope unless things are absolutely right.

But as most of us know, life isn't always ideal. The best thing you can do for your child is model how you cope with that. And that means sometimes letting things ride, sometimes explaining to your child why things happen, sometimes saying nothing at all so that they can forget quickly, sometimes having a quiet word behind their back.

But basically what the child needs is the knowledge that mum is strong and calm, I can tell her even the really scary things because she won't get emotional, I don't have to worry that she will overreact and embarrass me, and I don't have to think about protecting her.

Children with very emotional and reactive parents learn very quickly not to tell things at home. And particularly not the seriously worrying things. Such children are not very safe. You won't want your 12yo or 16yo to be that child, do you? So start working on your unflappability now.

Also, she's only 3 atm and getting emotional is part of her age. But as she grows up, her teachers and peers will (quite reasonably) have different expectations on her: a 10yo who takes everything terribly seriously may well struggle to keep friends. Model what will make her life easier. Start modelling now.

coreythatwas hit the nail on the head.
👏👏👏

In life, she won't just be able to "move schools" every time she's told something she doesn't like. Nor are 3 year old reliable sources if a full story.

Chill out and step away from the silly manuals. See how it plays out and expect a different "trauma" next week!

Op, your 3 year old doesn't go to school.
Doesn't have a class room
And is making things up.

@corythatwas - seconding your post as well.

OP, you really do need to take a deep breath and try and get things in perspective. Your child is not going to benefit in the long run from a nervous, anxious over-involved mother.

[As an aside - the fact that people pay big sums of money for their 3 year olds to sit still in a classroom, ‘learning‘ phonics, maths etc blows my mind. I think you’d have to pay me to put my child through that! Completely subjective I know...]

@YeaSure

Op, your 3 year old doesn't go to school. Doesn't have a class room And is making things up.

My three year old goes to school and has a class teacher in a class room. Nursery classes aren't uncommon.

Completely agree with @corythatwas

Pre-school is to prepare children for school in a gentler setting. There are going to be things that your daughter has to do that she doesn't like at school too - sometimes fair, sometimes seemingly unfair - she needs to learn how to cope with that. Be an open but pragmatic ear.

You’ve said that your daughter was asked to move , there may be reasons behind this which you could ask for clarification on. You’re hearing the point of view and retelling of a scenario from a 3 year old and it may not be the entire story, nor accurate. When asked to move she refused to do so, which may explain why she was then seated on her own and have nothing to do with just a general move.

The only thing that would concern me is the fact your 3 year old said no to moving tables when asked. Your kid needs to learn to do as they are told with simple instructions and not be rude. As someone previously said, you are in for a shock if you get emotional over this. They seoerate friends all the time for a whole list of reasons.

My DSD came to live with us full time at the age of 12 due to her behaviour. For the previous 12 years her mother had reacted to every little thing like this and she has ended up going to 3 primary schools, 2 secondary schools and a disastrous 18 months of home schooling. The poor girl was a wreck and purposely brought things up with her mother to get attention. Every time her mother reacted. She has settled down so much now, she understands that relationships go through phases, we talk things through, we talk about feelings rather than the 3 hour tantrums she would have. She can now recognise behaviours in others and how to deal with them.
You need to stop this now.

I am impressed with your 3 year olds story l abilities to have relayed such information in such a grown up way. Genius. Also giggling and noise is disruptive

Are you for real.

The HT probably should've realised how young your daughter was and that she was likely to refuse but it's not really a complaining matter. As a parent and a teacher - save complaining for when you need to. If you do you are really not helping your child.

Change schools because shes been moved seat?????Youve a lot to learn lol

Just talk to teacher, get her take on what happened. If your not happy then decide what to do. Remember their are three sides to every story, yours, theirs and the truth. (Your poor child is only 3) 🤬

My three year old never got fed at pre school! Three year olds have a different view of things than we do! I doubt it was as horrible as you've been led to believe

Jealous game? I meant this. My daughter would play with another kid to get her best friend jealous. They do this to each other.

If this is true (do three year olds really think up things like this?) it needs to stop. It's unhealthy and unkind to the third child who is being used in this game. This is not how 'best friends' behave.

If the teachers are aware of it I'm not surprised if they think DD and her BF need to be separated. DD's time at school (and after) will be fraught with friendship and relationship issues if this is what she's learning about how friendships work at the age of three.

My DD noticed a scratch on her three year olds back when bathing her. She asked how she got it. Three old said Miss .... did it. Went on to say it was by purpose and not an accident! Of course it wasn’t true but DD mentioned it to teacher. Teacher said she would ask her about it and duly did so. Three year old threw herself at teacher, cuddling her and couldn’t look at her. Teacher asked how she got the scratch. Three year old replied ‘mummy did it’ 😂 They are not always to be believed.

nothing is a bible not even an actual bible

You sound like every teacher’s worst nightmare

Oh dear , and here we have one of the reasons teachers hate their jobs. You need to toughen up.

just ask what happened.

3 year olds see the world differently when stuff happens so yes she could have been asked to move but maybe not for the reason she thinks.

When kids are too co dependant they will try and get them to seperate, do different activities and make different friends. It's not great for them to fix on just one person because when that person is away or leaves they dont join in well with the others. Not saying she cant ever be with her friend but she needs to be interactive with others as well i know first hand if they have a bestie they will always choose them over others unless they are made to do something different.

It could just be that the head wanted to mix up groups or talk to the other child.

also - she told you in the middle of the night, could have been a dream, could have been recalling it, who knows. Unless you ask.