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Parenting

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Original poster

School head ordered my daughter to sit on her own

231 replies

coclala · 02/12/2020 01:22

My 3 year old daughter woke up and asked for milk. Then she told me something and I am stunned.
She has a very close friend at school. She almost only play with her. In the parents meeting last week, her class teacher mentioned nothing more than she and that girl had a great relationship. In the meeting there was also head of pre school. The following is from my daughter : Today, the head came into her class and ask her to move to another table to separate her and her best friend. My daughter said no. Then she was asked to sit on her own. My daughter was scared to tell me that the head asked her to move the table. I was getting very emotional.

If you were me, how would you react?

I want to have a chat with the head tomorrow morning and ask her why she wanted to separate my daughter and her best friend before I send my daughter in. I guess we may have to change school if the chat was unsuccessful.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrDarcysMa · 02/12/2020 07:32

You're over reacting

MichelleScarn · 02/12/2020 07:32

She is 3 and should not be beibg told off by them for any reason what never? Even unsafe, dangerous behaviour placing themselves or others at risk?

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/12/2020 07:35

Good lord!
First you shouldn’t be labeling friends as ‘best’ friends at 3 years old. Your child needs to mix with other children and not form a solid attachment to one child. This leads to trouble.

So a teacher asked her to move? Wow! How awful. Get a grip.

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SoupDragon · 02/12/2020 07:39

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being emotional when you think your child is upset with something like this. You do need to find out exactly what happened though as I agree with the others who say it is very unlikely to be exactly as your DD has said - especially at 3. It being a dream also sounds entirely plausible.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/12/2020 07:40

When my daughter was 3 and in nursery I asked them to separate her from her "best" friend as the friend was too dependent on her. They are firm friends now as teenagers but each have a wider circle of friends than just each other. It could be something like that. Or your daughter may have misunderstood something. She's 3, she's not necessarily lying but she may well have understood a situation.

cameocat · 02/12/2020 07:43

OP with the greatest respect do not go in all guns blazing on the basis of a three years old words. By all means do explore what happened. Your 3 year old may have used the words 'on my own' for instance when she actually meant 'not with my friend'. This is just one example. Or it could have been on her own because the head was planning on sitting and reading with her. There could have been a million reasons!

To be thinking of moving her just on the basis of this is a really extreme reaction.

It is lovely that your daughter has a best friend and is attached to her but I'm sure they nursery will also be supporting her to broaden her friendships as well so that she has a choice of who to play with and isn't dependent on one child (in case one is ill or they aren't getting on one day).

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 02/12/2020 07:45

@PotteringAlong

Maybe the other parent wants them to be separated so her daughter has the chance to play with someone else for a change?

Just because your daughter only wants to play with one child, doesn’t mean the other child is happy to only have 1 friend.

These were my thoughts as well.

StringyPotatoes · 02/12/2020 07:50

From a teacher's point of view the head could have walked in to chat to the class and your DD and her friend could have been chatting and messing about. The teacher asked them repeatedly to settle down and when they didn't, separated them. DD is isolated because she was defiant or simply because there was nowhere else to put her.

What your DD says may be true but is probably missing key detail. Not because she's lying or covering up but because she's 3 and their narrative skills are still developing.

Either that or she's dreaming. I had a 3yr old help me devise a plan every night for how we would "stop the woodpeckers getting in again" and could tell me a lot about what happened when they came in the first time. We had never had woodpeckers inside the house.

LEELULUMPKIN · 02/12/2020 07:53

God help you when she gets detention then if this is making you emotional.

ApolloandDaphne · 02/12/2020 07:54

There could be a million really innocuous reasons why your DD was asked to move or was sat alone. Just ask when you drop her off today.

scrivette · 02/12/2020 07:55

My nursery aged child used to tell me that they had forgotten to feed him and locked him in a cupboard. (They didn't)

Hopefully now it's morning and you are feeling
less emotional about it you can have a chat with DD and then, if you think it wasn't a dream, have a word with the nursery to see what happened.

Aozora13 · 02/12/2020 07:56

Going on my own DD aged 3 and the reliability of her reporting I would not be surprised if there was a perfectly sensible reason why she was asked to move and if it was my DD and her nursery bestie that reason was probably that they were getting up to mischief together and needed to be separated to calm down. But by all means mention it to the school.

mumfordofson · 02/12/2020 07:56

As others have said, have a quiet word with the teacher to find out what actually happened. But make it low key.

However, I would also be explaining DD that at school she shouldn't be saying no to a teachers request in class (she's 3 so this is all new to her) if it's a piece of work, or moving to a different group it won't always be her favourite thing to do but she needs to try her best.

Obviously I'm not saying kids should blindly say yes to anything a teachers asks (safeguarding etc) but part of pre school is to learning how school works, and learning how to listen and following instruction is a big part of that.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2020 08:07

My nursery aged child used to tell me that they had forgotten to feed him and locked him in a cupboard. (They didn't)

A child once accused my TA of locking her in a cupboard that didn't exist. Dreams can be very powerful for small children and they find it hard to tell the difference.

CaledoniaCatalan · 02/12/2020 08:11

Everything seems so much worse in the middle of the night, hopefully now you've had a chance to think it over you don't feel so emotional and have realised that changing schools over something like this is an over reaction.
It is perfectly normal for schools to encourage children to widen their friendship circle and the head may have done this at the request of the other parent. The fact your dd was asked to sit along could have been because she answered the head back so I'd watch going into school all guns blazing

AriesTheRam · 02/12/2020 08:12

Did you mean 13? Was 3 a typo? Three year olds sitting at desks?

Cam77 · 02/12/2020 08:13

What I find most concerning is the lack of even basic trust many parents have in schools and teachers. It's one reason why so many state schools (in particular) are terrified to instill proper classroom management and create the right learning environments, as something as simple as moving seats can get the parents circling.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2020 08:15

@AriesTheRam

Did you mean 13? Was 3 a typo? Three year olds sitting at desks?

They would still sit at a table for short periods now and then to do a specific activity, maybe for assessment, when the adult would need 1 -1 attention. Personally, I don't think this happened and the child dreamed it hence waking up in the night talking about it.

SoupDragon · 02/12/2020 08:15

@AriesTheRam

Did you mean 13? Was 3 a typo? Three year olds sitting at desks?

She woke up asking for milk! There are tables in nursery - they sit at them for colouring etc and eating.

Porgy · 02/12/2020 08:17

@satnighttakeaway

What kind of place is it where a 3 year old has teachers, a head and a parents meeting? That sounds very regimented for such a young child

The story does smack of a small child's version of an innocuous incident, being stunned and emotional is a tad extreme imo.

I was thinking the same.

My 5YO doesn't even have this . 8YO is only made to sit at a table because of covid. Parents evening is banned because of covid too.

SoupDragon · 02/12/2020 08:20

What kind of place is it where a 3 year old has teachers, a head and a parents meeting?

Mine had teachers and a head at preschool as it was attached to the primary school. No parents evening though.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 02/12/2020 08:21

I can pretty much guarantee that isn't the whole story.
A teacher came out to speak to me yesterday. She had to throw my DDs crisps away, as she was sharing them with friends and due to Covid they couldn't allow my DD to carry on eating them. My DD understood that and actually said to teacher, shall I throw them away.

Dd came out of school and said Mrs X threw my lunch away and I am hungry. As I already knew what went in I wasn't worried and we spoke about it. But had the teacher not come out to speak I would have got into such an argument with the school based on DDs information.

jessycake · 02/12/2020 08:22

They probably didn't mention it , because it was a minor reason , it could have been one or other child was doing a one to one activity or on a numbers restricted activity, it maybe they were squabbling , even best friends do that sometimes ,or any number of reasons . Ask the school, but be careful not to make a drama in front of your daughter as it could make her anxious about nursery.

SpilltheTea · 02/12/2020 08:28

They were probably messing around and being disruptive, so they were reasonably moved away from each other.

FearlessSwiftie · 02/12/2020 08:29

Better ask the teacher about what's happened and try to not get so emotional

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