Toddler and newborn support thread?

[OhToBeASeahorse]

For some reason I thought this would be doable.

DD is now 8 days old and DS is just 2.

Holy moly what was I thinking.

Is anyone else in the same boat? I'd love some company.

Hi 👋🏼 I have a 2.5 year old and a 4.5 month baby. It's honestly so hard. I don't know how people do it and don't complain. All I do is count the hours until my husband gets home most days. It's sad. I think not getting any sleep makes it worse. My 2yo has also stopped napping so I feel like I don't get a moment.

Sorry that wasn't very positive!

I'm here if you want to moan!

I'll join you in that boat. I've got a 2 month old and a 3.5 year old, so a bigger age gap but it's still so full on. I feel terrible I can't cope with them both at the same time for more than a very short period, as DS1 gets a bit feral (used to having all the attention) and my back kills from carrying DS2 around trying to "play" with DS1. All my friends have siblings with a smaller age gap and I just feel inadequate .

Hello!!!

I'm sorry you're finding it rough. I was doing ok with the idea of taking it one day at a time but DS didnt sleep well last night and that's really unusual, I think he has realised she isnt going back.

She is either asleep on me at the moment or feeding. She is feeding so much, I never had this with DS.

@PersicariaBistortaSuperba oh god dont feel like that! I realised a while ago that our own shortcomings are glaringly obvious but actually you dont notice other people's

Can I join? 3.5 year old twins and a clingy 3 month old. So bloody hard! With no support either due to being in tier 3 lockdown nightmare I’m feeling very overwhelmed and isolated.

We've had disrupted sleep from the eldest too, this morning I'd just settled DS2 after waking at 5am when his older brother came into bed at 6 a.m. Surely I should not be dreading half term!

Welcome @Bettyboop82. I know what u mean about isolation. Fucking covid.

@Bettyboop82 oh that sounds so hard! You poor thing. @OhToBeASeahorse do you have any childcare during the week for your eldest?

I do, he is going to his childminder two days a week, we can up it to 3 if we want (that's what he was on when I was working) but I'd need to check how finances can cope. Other problem is the CM is where I work which is a 25 min drive away so its another logistical issue!

How about you guys? Any help?

I had 2 years between mine and honestly found the first year sooooo tough but they are almost 5 and almost 3 now and the absolute best of friends.

I found it got easier when my eldest went to preschool (he'd have been ready at about 2.5 but as it was a school he didn't get his place till 3yo)

Best piece of advice I was given was to think of them not as a child and a baby, but as a big baby and a little baby. So don't expect too much from your biggest one. That helped me quite a bit actually.

Sorry that wasnt clear- what I meant was do you get any help with your eldest? We dont have grandparents around so its paid help or nothing. I also dont want him to feel turfed out

@MagicMoneyTree that's really helpful, thanks. I am shocked at how big DS seems but you are absolutely right. He has been a great sleeper for ages and ages but last night he woke in the middle of the night and I had to rock him back to sleep. Havent had to do that in at least a year.

I have a 2.5 year old ds and a 3 week old ds and I'm also finding it so tough. Oldest ds is so full on and misbehaving so much right now, I expected it tbh as it's a massive adjustment for him too. Newborn is feeding lots and isnt the best sleeper lol, any time I or my dh put him down to sleep in his crib hes up screaming. I've had moments thinking omg what have I done or what was I thinking. Love them both dearly though and I know we will have good and bad days.

It's when you look back on photos of them together at the beginning you really notice the big baby little baby thing! We had a sleepy first baby and a non-sleepy 2nd baby and that was really tough but I wouldn't change it now.

I found the first 6 weeks actual torture but it’s got considerably easier now as baby is 12 weeks. Well, until we had to self isolate that is! That would as a whole other level of torture!

Oh god I bet. Isolation is a nightmare with little ones

Oh guys, I saw this thread and had to read it.

I had a 22 month old and a newborn. They are now almost 4 and almost 2! It was so very bloody hard! I had no childcare for my eldest at all for the first year almost and I look back and think how the hell did I cope!

My youngest is now the age my eldest was when she was born. Honestly she’s a baby a 22 months. They seem so grown up next to the newborn but they are not! Go easy on them!

My youngest also slept shockingly and my eldest was very late to start talking (being assessed for autism now). Only sharing this to show that I had it tough! And I survived! Plus they’re so cute together now! They fight of course but they play together and it’s lovely.

So I’m just a voice from your future saying don’t worry, you can do it, it’s bloody challenging but it’s so rewarding!

@Allthenumbers thanks! U are right, they are still just babies (cue huge guilt that I've ruined his life).

Any tips? I'd love to put her down so I can focus on my toddler but she protests!

Mine is 2 and 8 months, the evenings can get hard but my ds1 Is so loving and adores his brother. Sometimes a little too much when hes pulling him over to give him a hug.
I take mine out for walks almost every day, this usually means ds2 is napping and I can put almost all of my attention on ds1.
I also have an area for ds1 to go and have a calm down without ds2, has his favourite things in. This usually calms him when hes getting too rough.

Hello! 2 year old and 3 month old here... It is so hard! The monotony feels a relentless sometimes.

We're going to send our DC1 to nursery one day a week just to get a bit of respite.

DH is currently working from home which takes the edge off things, when there are crunch points like them both crying, but sometimes I am so envious of his hours quietly up in the spare room having a doss, I mean working.

The positive is that I haven't always been able to get to DC2 when I'm putting DC1 to bed, and I think I've inadvertently sleep trained her so she now nods off without me doing anything which is a big help! Still feeds during the night tho, so I'm still knackered.

I'm not wishing the time away, except I'm totally wishing the time away and can't wait until there about 5 and 7 (full time at school). Is that bad? 😬

Very glad to have found this thread.

Congratulations on your baby! I think you deserve A medal and large coffees and cake! I’m feeding my 10 week old and have a 4 year old which is hard enough I salute you mothers with smaller age gaps!

Joining to gain tips.

Currently pregnant with number 2 and DS will be 15 months when they arrive.

I’m freaking out. Can’t remember why we thought this was sensible: we were so focused on the future not the now 😂

I'm sorry to hear that you are all finding it tough but I'm also reassured that I'm not crap (I mean, I might be, but just not 100% crap).

When they were tiny, what did u do with them? She wont fall asleep by herself because, you know, she is 8 days old, but then I have no hands because she is on me all the time.

Second question - bedtimes. We have a very established routine that DS is used to. Do you think it will confuse him for us to swap round - sometimes do it just one of us or all together other times?

Also - can someone come.round and give me a cuddle and stroke my head a bit?

Have you got a sling? DC2 has spent a lot of time in there so Iv got hands free to play with DC1 and get small jobs done, you can also use it a certain way so they can feed in it (Iv got a close caboo which i love)!