Toddler and newborn support thread?

[OhToBeASeahorse]

For some reason I thought this would be doable.

DD is now 8 days old and DS is just 2.

Holy moly what was I thinking.

Is anyone else in the same boat? I'd love some company.

I do- I just havent worked.out how to feed her in it - that would be amazing. It's a Moby

Following - pregnant and DS will be 2 when no2 arrives 🙈

@UncleBunclesHouse congrats! When r u due?

There’s loads of videos on YouTube to show you how to do it for your sling brand took a little bit of practice with DPs help the first couple of time’s but has been a game changer!

I’ve been here! 18 months between my boys and my eldest is now 8 months.

I wont lie it’s been tiring, difficult to juggle but getting easier. The hardest part is going out on my own with both of them as DS1 hates the pram, wants to run everywhere but won’t listen to a word I say so it’s difficult to take him places on my own

Hey! I have a just turned two year old (yesterday actually!) and a five week old. The hardest part so far has been the cluster feeding but that’s getting easier now and by 5 weeks I’m really getting used to things. It helps my newborn sleeps ok (3-4 hour stretches at night so could be worse!)

My recommendation is that when your over the birth, take them both somewhere you are familiar with to get used to taking them out on your own. I went to a local farm park where I knew there was no traffic in case the toddler ran off. It went amazingly well and the toddler suprised me!

I have my toddler in nursery 3 days a week (dropping to two next month) and think that’s the main reason I’ve found it ok so far. I can catch up on sleep and housework while my 2 year old is away.

It’s crazy.... when you have your first baby you think they are hard work, but when you have a toddler AND a newborn, the newborn is so so easy in comparison!!

Thanks - I got really frustrated today as she is on and off me feeding and everytime I thought 'right she's done, let's get her to sleep' shed want more...

How has everyone approached a routine for their 2nd ones?

No tips you haven’t already heard I imagine! I used a stretchy wrap sling so getting out was made easier. So I could still help dd1 in the playground while DD2 slept. But I’d used the sling with dd1 so was an expert by then.

Basically be kind to yourself. It is hard on the toddler but it will also be lovely for them when the baby is older. I’m so grateful for my two’s relationship now.

CBeebies is your friend!

And you’re finding it hard because it’s really hard. It’s not you, you’re not doing anything wrong, it’s just really hard! And if others you know in real life act like it isn’t, they are lying!!!

In terms of routine I’m waiting until about 8 -10 weeks to start trying anything as that’s what i did with my first. Though if it doesn’t work like first time round I’m not going to push it

One thing I’ve found to be an absolute GODSEND is my sling. I’ve got a Close Caboo which I’ve used since birth. When the baby is getting tired and/or cranky I just pop him in it, put his dummy in and he literally goes to sleep in about 3 seconds. My back kills me but at least my hands are free to deal with the other two/get dressed/make dinner etc. Would highly recommend!

I have a 2 and a half year old and a 5 month old. It’s slowly getting better. The toddler adores her brother but that means she wants to wake him up and touch him all the time. She does occasionally get a bit jealous, mostly when she’s tired, and sometimes they do both scream at the same time. I pick the one that will be easier to quieten down, sort them first, then sort the other one. Or, sometimes, just sit on the sofa with my arms round both of them until it stops.
The sling was a life saver. Baby spent most of the first few months in that. Now I can get him to nap in the buggy while I’ve got her outside running around. So so hard having two though.

OMG @Needschoolhelp that’s a lot of children! Hope you have a wine supply!
Seriously though, it will be so lovely in a few years to have so many siblings to have fun with, plus you’ll be forever spout on mother’s’ day!

Following - pregnant and DS will be 2 when no2 arrives 🙈

Can I join too please? I have a 6 week old and a just turned 2 year old. I'm finding it so difficult my toddler has started having the most epic meltdowns where I can't actually physically control him and my baby won't let me put him down (at all!!) We live in a flat in a now tier 2 area so can't visit friends or family. We have no garden and there's hardly any activities on due to Covid. My toddler is becoming a tv addict and I hate myself for it but am at my wits end.

Following this! 37 weeks with baby 2 and DS is 2.5. I’ll be looking after both full time once my mat leave starts - DS has never been to nursery and we were planning to send him for a couple of days per week from sept but haven’t due to Covid. I’m terrified of ruining his life!

My patience in late pregnancy has been low as I’m knackered and I feel awful that I haven’t been able to spend quality time with him yet. We have no family nearby so no respite. Dreading the early cluster feeding days and hoping this baby isn’t a Velcro one like her big brother!

@OhToBeASeahorse is your partner on leave? In very early days DH took DC1 out in the mornings (no playgroups on due to covid) but would just take him to the park, then cafe once they were open.

Back around 12:30pm for his afternoon nap. Meant I had all morning to feed and have baby on me.

DC1 inconsistently doing afternoon naps, if he doesn't nod off we still leave up in his cot for an 45mins-hour for down time, as he's usually lying down/chilling.

That all got us up to about 13:30, which leaves 3.5 hours until dinner at 17:00 to fill. This is still kind of tv, FaceTime friends and family, start prepping dinner time. We all have dinner at 17:00. Normally done by 18:00 at which point DC1 would have about 30-45mins of play then bedtime.

We have a pretty set routine for DC1 too but flexible as to whether me or DH do it, sometimes it's felt like the only bit of quality time I've had with DC1 that day.

Now we're at 3 months that afternoon part for the day is still a bit of a muddle but a bedtime routine has emerged where on of us will get DC2 ready for bed at 18:30, I give her a feed and then bed. Then one of us will get DC1 ready for bed at 19:00. No consistency as to who does who, sort of just who feels they need more time/have energy with the respective child.

Mornings are easier now as it's case of dressed, fed and out for a walk/park/toddler group as they are back on.

Hope that helps. It's all felt a bit muddling through, but now we're at the end of the beginning as it were, so things are starting to settle (a bit).

That sounds like something to aspire to!
DH has 3 weeks off which is amazing. DD (the little one) is doing nothing but feed. Dont know who has these newborns that just sleep in a pram.

We tried our first car outing yesterday. We couldnt remember how to put the double pram up when we got there so decided to just do bassinet and DH would carry DS if needs be.

DD screamed in the pram. I fed her then put her back in, she threw up. We repeatedly the process and she threw up again so in the end both infants were carried round.

Oh dear.

Ah it happens but so energy zapping. Also you are in those very very early days - I felt like I didn't really know DC2 well enough at that point so it was all a bit trial and error about what would work. DC1 loved the sling, thought DC2 would too, but she just grizzles away in it. Would your DD prefer sling?

Also so stressful when you can't remember how something works... Was putting DC1 into car seat today and the straps were inexplicably too tight, obvs he starts to kick off. And I end up shouting saying "I don't fucking know what's happened here, why won't these fucking straps extend?!" Whilst restraining him... I feel like DC1 is on the verge of knowing the words "fuck, for fucks sake and fuckfuckityfuck" 😬 and I hate the feeling after I've snapped and got some perspective.

DC1 was the same as your DD with the pram, for some reason DC2 is better but won't ever do more than a 30min nap in it - oh and she's been swaddled in it - don't know if that makes a difference? She can be sick/posset in it too so I've bought some very cheap hand towels on put over carrycot mattress, so I don't have to change/wash sheet and waterproof.

Great about your DH being off. I'm only about 12 weeks ahead of you but hope that helps.

I'd love any tips on how to keep my cool when both are kicking off.

DH and I decided to go for a curry last night (had to be with the DCs as we've no support near us) and whenever one settled the other kicked off. They broke us a little and DH and I were both cursing our lives in that moment. I know it will get easier and maybe we were too ambitious to eat out like that, but then it also feels like no it isn't, it's a normal thing to do!

@dohdohdoh I can sympathise with the keeping your cool. Why does parenting involve so many clips and straps?!

Today has been tough. Feel a bit shit.

Hello @OhToBeASeahorse and sorry you’ve had a bad day. Me too. Mine are 22 months and 4.5 months and it’s so bloody hard.

Was starting to get into a bit of a rhythm but then the four month sleep regression started and my DD2 is up about 5 or 6 times in the night now and is a nightmare to nap or to put down at night.
By this stage my DS1 was in a great routine but finding it so hard to implement with my second and she is still up now despite all my efforts.

Feel my relationship is straining under the pressure too and just asked my DH to sleep in the spare room as when he comes up he disturbs her and I have to start the feeding/ getting her down to sleep all over again!

Oh gosh I'm sorry @Daisy1980a.

The strain on the relationship is crazy. I've never hated DH like I do when we have a small child! I think I'm just so much more wired.

@needschoolhelp that sounds really difficult. If only you could stay in bed all morning and ignore everyone! Hope he's come round a bit now.

Bit of a shit day here too yesterday. I only have my two on my own for 2 or 3 hours until DH comes home, so I really should be able to cope better. However DS1 had a huge meltdown at tea time, with me having to physically restrain him from hitting me me. This took about 30 minutes, during which time I thought DS2 was safe in his Moses basket. When I went to pick him up after the storm was over he had scratched his face (silently, somehow although the decibels being produced by his brother were quite something) and made some of the scratches bleed. I feel terrible.

@Needschoolhelp I'm.sorry. is your DH usually helpful? This really does need 2 people