Toddler and newborn support thread?

[OhToBeASeahorse]

For some reason I thought this would be doable.

DD is now 8 days old and DS is just 2.

Holy moly what was I thinking.

Is anyone else in the same boat? I'd love some company.

@saiditbetterthanme That is horrific! Call out the water company on Twitter, then they'll sort it.

Did you breastfeed your first? Lasinoh every feed and make sure you allow the nipples to air dry first so your breast pads don't stick. If really bad on one side, I'd get an electric pump, express on that side for the day and just feed off the other, if your supply is sufficient to do that (if not, you could either bottle feed the expressed milk or feed the expressed milk using a cup of nipple confusion is a concern). You want to look at a variety of holds to make sure you're positioning well to prevent further damage from a bad latch. I find pillows to get baby to the correct height very helpful. Congratulations on getting everyone out of the house! It's so daunting in the early days of having two.

*if nipple confusion is a concern

@BigBigPumpkin gosh, you are so knowledgeable. Thank you for sharing! I wasn't able to breastfeed my first (not through lack of trying though!) And I think that's why I'm finding it a struggle now.
How are you getting on?

How do people feel about the impending lockdown? I was quite sad as I've been relying on my mums support. That said, I would rather everyone be safe so will be following the rules. I've just heard that my work place has a covid outbreak. 5 possitive cases and 22 staff off. Scary.

[quote saiditbetterthanme]@BigBigPumpkin gosh, you are so knowledgeable. Thank you for sharing! I wasn't able to breastfeed my first (not through lack of trying though!) And I think that's why I'm finding it a struggle now.
How are you getting on?

How do people feel about the impending lockdown? I was quite sad as I've been relying on my mums support. That said, I would rather everyone be safe so will be following the rules. I've just heard that my work place has a covid outbreak. 5 possitive cases and 22 staff off. Scary.[/quote]
I'm out the other side of breastfeeding hell now, thankfully. With DD it took 6 weeks to properly settle, so I've done better this time- feeling properly OK with feeding at 3 weeks in. It is awful when it's not settled yet- my sympathies. Keep going though- it'll be worth it.

You can still have your mun to support. You're allowed to form an informal childcare bubble with another household for respite if the child is under 13. I'm using my MIL for mine.

*mum

I’m feeling quite sad about the lockdown too @saiditbetterthanme. I loved every minute of maternity leave with DC1 but this time it’s so very different. Our parents haven’t even held the new baby yet!

It can a bit of trial and error with getting breastfeeding settled @saiditbetterthanme, DS2 only liked being fed lying fully on top of me whereas DS1 fed in usual baby hold position right up until turning 2 (i weaned him as DS2 was due!).

DS2 decided to have a 3hr night party last night which was very out of character and not welcomed at all. I can never make up my mind as to whether to get up and out of bed to let him play for a bit or to stay in bed so as not to make night time escapades a thing..

I also watched a really grizzly murder doc just before bed which gave me really horrid dreams.

DS2 decided to have a 3hr night party last night which was very out of character and not welcomed at all.

Urgh, same with baby DS. And toddler DD decided she wanted to sleep on her bedroom floor and fell out of her bed after we relocated her (to great drama, I might add), so she ended up in bed with me. No one slept well (which you would think would mean I'd be on for a solid nap time today, but it's not looking like it!)

Ugh 3 week old DD was also awake for 3 hours last night. My eyes feel all stingy today!

@OhToBeASeahorse, DS is also 3 weeks old! Maybe it's a three week old thing.

@BigBigPumpkin, thank you. It does feel like it is getting slightly easier and I think I'm in a position now where I'm happy to persevere.
I have asked my mum but because of her job she is worried about coming over to help me. I completely understand it. The house can just be a tip for a month!!
Did you manage to get a nap in the end?! I'd forgotten how tiresome the night time raves are!!

@LBB2020, it's such a contrast this time isn't it? I do feel grateful that I had so much freedom with ds1 during mat leave. How are things for you today?

@maizeblouse thank you. I tend to always stick to the same position so will have a go a trying a few different ways. Hv suggested lying down but I think I might fall asleep!!

Just before ds2 was born, ds1 dropped his (lovely 2 1/2) hour nap. Oh man, I miss that nap time! The day is so full on.

Hope everyone has had a great day today :)

DS1 was at nursery today so was just me and the baby I managed an afternoon nap as the baby didn’t have best night and just ignored the fact our washing basket is overflowing and my house is a mess! All in all not a bad day! Hope you all had ok days? x

How is everyone doing?

Today is Toddler's day at nursery, so can actually catch up on MN!

Baby is a total delight at the moment but Toddler hasn't gone a day without a major tantrum. When at home if I can't distract him, I ignore him, which usually works. But out and about it can be really stressful esp. when trying to get him into pram with what feels like everyone watching you. I don't know if it's just a phase? He speech is a bit delayed so might be frustration with not being able to communicate his wants? Maybe I need better coping/dealing with it strategies for us both? I'm just not sure.

@dohdohdoh our toddler is the same, having lots of tantrums and doesn’t have any real speech so becomes very frustrated. It’s such hard work and as you said very stressful when we’re out (he had a massive strop in M&S last week, I felt so stressed and embarrassed). I definitely need to read up on some ways and strategies to deal with it! Does anyone have any recommendations of books or anything that may help?! (not that there’s much time to read books these days!)

It's the same here! Toddler is a handful right now. His speech is also delayed which I think just makes him more frustrated. When we are out and about and he has a tantrum I just try really hard to get him sorted as quickly as possible but it often results in me not talking to him as I'm so focused on the task!
I read a book by sarah Ockwell Smith and I think it is called, "the second baby book." It had some nice strategies (getting them to be helpers, plenty of praise etc. Stuff I'm sure we already try! There was plenty of other ideas too.)

Last night ds1 was up a few times. On the last time he was sick, bless him. Think he's caught a bug so no nursery this week. Thankfully he doesnt have a temp so we don't have to isolate!

Enjoy your toddler free day today

Any tips on dealing with hitting? I say no, I take him away, I tell him it hurts people and makes mummy sad. He just laughs at me and does it again.

I have a 22 month old DS and currently 39+1. Watching with interest!
@OhToBeASeahorse we are currently having the same hitting issues. I don't want to react too much as don't want to encourage it but my DS just laughs when I tell him no too. I must admit I almost lost it earlier when I was clobbered in the face with a toy car though.

Joining!! I have a 6 day old and a 15 month old 🙈🙈🙈

Oh yikes!!!

Tearing my hair out, here! Toddler (2y7months) was a previously good sleeper, usually 7-7, now wakes up at all times in the night. Even when the baby isn't crying (infact he is louder and up more than the baby.) He wants anything from toys, water the light on, a hug. I give him a hug everytime I go in and tell him goodnight etc but it's just getting so frequent. Now I have to feed the baby, and I'm exhausted. Any advice?

@saiditbetterthanme

Tearing my hair out, here! Toddler (2y7months) was a previously good sleeper, usually 7-7, now wakes up at all times in the night. Even when the baby isn't crying (infact he is louder and up more than the baby.) He wants anything from toys, water the light on, a hug. I give him a hug everytime I go in and tell him goodnight etc but it's just getting so frequent. Now I have to feed the baby, and I'm exhausted. Any advice?

I just let mine get into bed with me. I'm hoping it's a phase that will pass!

@KiriandLou, that's a good idea but he's never liked sleeping in our bed. I even asked him last night if he wanted to come in my room or I could get in his bed and he said no haha.
He eventually stopped at 5am. I feel sad that i can't figure out how to help him. He seems quite happy this morning which is good.

@saiditbetterthanme do you have a monitor to see toddler? May not be an option but could you just leave toddler? Will he stop eventually? As sounds like it's not nightmares or anything obvious, and you can hopefully watch him on monitor? Our toddler does this sometimes but he's usually crying because he's woken up and wants to go back to sleep which he does after a few mins. Occasionally it's because he's got a stuffy nose so we pop plug in in, or that he's done a poo and we change him.

@OhToBeASeahorse not much advice on the hitting but I think you're doing the right thing, and being consistent. I was feeling bad about snapping at my toddler when he's being naughty/tantruming but I think I'm over it, as actually he needs to know when he's being naughty/dangerous etc. Rather than having that out of control feeling I just repeat over and over the lesson (to kind of drown him out) e.g. you do not pull mummy's hair that won't get you what you want you say please can I have some [insert whatever he's asking for] - say over and over during melt down lol. This morning it seemed to work when he didn't want to get ready, I was repeating "we always put our clothes on then go downstairs and have breakfast" repeated firmly over tantrum and it may have been fluke but he eventually calmed down.

One thing I remember a random mum I'd met saying is that when her son bites her, she bites him back (not hard) but show that it's not nice - I'm not sure if it worked or if I'd do it but just thought I'd share!

@LBB2020 I feel better I'm not the only one! The sooner they are out of this phase the better! The thing I feel bad about is damaging them in this phase (sounds a bit dramatic I know) but it's the having to be firm about what's acceptable and what isn't, and them basically hating it when you say no, to the point that you start doubting yourself and it's very easy to give in to their every whim to keep the peace.

You are definitely not the only one! I shouted at my toddler the other day as he woke the baby up 3 times while I was trying to get us up and ready to go out, he just laughed each time I asked him to leave the baby alone. I ended up in tears as I felt awful for shouting! I don’t know the best way to deal with it but explaining why he shouldn’t do something doesn’t work and obviously I don’t want to shout as it doesn’t make him listen anyway (he has Down syndrome so his understanding is behind where you’d expect it to be for his age). I’m sure like everything with babies and children it’s just a phase, but it’s an awful one while you’re going through it! x