What baby first were stolen from you?

[alesha123445]

I've read its common for people to try and steal babies firsts and im interested to hear peoples stories.
A family member brought up taking my lo for her first shoe fitting, wanting to buy them the first rocking horse for Christmas knowing I've already picked one and that its a big deal to me, buying my babies first toothbrush without asking, asking to buy my babies first year old outfit. Sometimes ill nod it off and say yes, but deep down I have no intention of allowing it and I won't be using any of the firsts people buy anyway. I really want to hear about others experiences with people attempting or successfully stealing their babies firsts.

I'm pretty sure DS will hold it badly against me for decades for taking birthday cakes for his aunt and uncle to his birthday party. Once, the cake was shared three ways. Not the same day either.

Oh, wait. He couldn't care less.

I also don't care where people take him, first time or not. I only hope he enjoys himself.

I haven't seen any complaints about toilet training, though.

my ex Sister in Law took my daughter for her first shoes whilst i was at work. I was beyond fuming !!!

The only thing I insisted on was buying my DD her first pair of shoes. My DM was keen to do this but I told her it was important to me so she respected that. It didn't bother me who held her first, who fed her first, who changed the first nappy, etc. I don't think it occurred to me to think too much about it!

Wow. Eye opening thread!

If there's something that you really want to do "first", I suppose you should make it clear to people and stick to your guns e.g. if you've said you want to buy the first rocking horse (this is a thing???) then you buy it and you don't accept one from a family member. Seriously though, "firsts" are not such a big deal! I can't believe how many people consider them "stolen" by a family member. Toothbrush???

My hubby did our DS first ever nappy, I couldn't physically do it after a c section & reaction to 2 epidurals & anaesthetic. He also did his ds first bath, was so happy to do it. I wasn't too bothered.

In attempt at some solidarity for you OP, I've kept my sons first toothbrush in his memory box. I've also kept his first dummy, the other sock from his first lost sock, his first shoes and a few other things as well. We must be the over sentimental minority.

@TiptopJ

In attempt at some solidarity for you OP, I've kept my sons first toothbrush in his memory box. I've also kept his first dummy, the other sock from his first lost sock, his first shoes and a few other things as well. We must be the over sentimental minority.

I think keeping a used toothbrush from anyone, adult or baby, is grim rather than sentimental!

I admire those who kept their kids first shoes - my DS threw his in the bin in the market place, one of those awkward one you can't really reach in so those were gone. Thankfully there was a place to grab another pair around the corner, but it was a bit of an awkward walk.

The only one I can think of to be annoyed by is my sister telling our mother about one of my pregnancies and this was mainly because she didn't really discuss anything related to my kids or pregnancies with me, but just loved to gossip about it with other people. It got very annoying how much she spread things. Also kinda annoyed at having my first night with DD2 'stolen' because of a HCP fucked up so spectacularly I ended up on a high dependency ward.

Really, it's not something I worry about and I hardly remember much of that. I can only remember half of my kids first words... one because he was so delayed that it was just a shock, the other because it was a cartoon character (Pocoyo).

I disagree fundamentally with the whole concept behind this thread. Your child is not your property and it takes a village to raise a child. Therefore their ‘firsts’ do not belong to you and cannot be stolen.

This 6 x 100%

Aside from the overwhelming majority of things mentioned are just not big deals to most people anyway, I'd actually think 'how lovely' if a SiL came round with a load of Nursery stuff meaning I didn't have to buy it all new..... I'd think 'how lovely' is Grandparents were kind enough and involved enough to buy a rocking horse for my child. I'd be thinking how lucky they are to have involved, loving family. etc etc etc.
Gosh, I'm lucky my adult dc have, so far, had nice, friendly welcoming partners who seem to have a grip on life. I do feel sorry for some parents and PiLs.

The revenge wasn't against the 10 year old User - it obviously wasn't on him. It was MIL that deliberately did something after being told I was unhappy (why ask in the first place really).

Did you miss the bit where my nephew was fine about it @KenDodd . It was MIL that had the cats bum mouth about it.

Nephew and his wife joined in and we're totally fine.

I didn't show how annoyed I was at the time @OverTheRainbow88. But yes it felt rude that it was soooo important to barge in on DSs 1st birthday but not so important on his 2nd or 3rd. When it would have mattered less to me on those birthdays.

There's a backstory with mil - which is why I know it wasn't unintentional or just doing a nice thing for her GS. If it had been, I may well have let it go.

Drives me slightly nuts that my mother always has to get in there first and buy DD a party dress or outfit for any special occasion that I’m daft enough to mention in front of her. Literally bloody always. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but I’ve mentioned a few times that DD and I would quite like to go shopping together so she can choose her own outfit. Never stops my mother though. It’s a bit of a sore spot for me because she was very controlling about picking my clothes until I was in my late twenties - the excuse was always that I didn’t have good taste like her and wouldn’t know what looked good on me.

Other than that, can’t say I’m fussed about firsts.

I find people behave badly if you let them @Hardbackwriter. So I don't. Fine to let some things go but deliberate bad behaviour- no.

I could of course have objected at the time, but I didn't as it would have ruined the day. But MIL had no such compunctions, so given the chance to annoy her in a similar fashion, I took it.

If others let shitty behaviour go then fine. Their prerogative of course. But also mine to repay the favour.

@Bouncycastle12

What a weird way to think about things! Haven’t been especially fussed about any of those things.

Totally agree. No one can "steal" firsts. All the firsts belong to the baby. I think I finally understand what Mumsnet means by "precious". OP you are being ridiculously precious.

Bet all the same people moaning about lost firsts also share those memes about how it takes a village to raise a child, and "where is my village?".

More love in your child's life is a good thing. Put well intended but misplaced (or poorly intended) gifts aside. My niece was adopted so my sister missed every first, but she's the best mum I know, and her dd adores her. The rest is just window dressing.

It is hard to feel like someone is muscling in and taking over. I was annoyed when my mum bought then 4mo DD a First Christmas outfit - I'd been looking forward to choosing it and what she bought wasn't to my taste at all.

I get that other people are excited too and no one owns a baby as it were - but it is annoying.

Oh i completely agree, it's quite disgusting. Hasn't stopped me though

Do some people realise that just because someone else bought whatever outfits or shoes, the child doesn't have to wear them? You can still go and buy whatever you want.
Same with nursery whatever. Just buy and use what you like.
And ask for exchange receipts.

Actually I have thought of something. We spent DS’ first birthday in hospital, which was miserable and unnecessary in the end. He’d been, correctly, admitted the day before and kept in overnight. However the next day, his birthday, was a shambles. All I wanted to do was get him treated and take him home.

We were told that we had to transfer to another hospital for a minor surgical procedure but, despite having FIL ready to drive us there first thing in the morning, which would have taken 20 mins, the hospital insisted we wait for proper hospital transport..... which never turned up as it was so busy...... to only decide at 3pm that FIL was allowed to drive us..... for the second hospital to have no idea we were coming and tell us there was absolutely no possibility of the surgery being done that day and he’d be put on a 3-4 month waiting list! We’d literally spent the whole day sitting in hospitals for nothing. I ended up taking home a very overtired and sad little 1 yr old.

Obviously nobody deliberately “stole” the day from us but I do feel we unnecessarily lost it and was caused a lot of stress due to mass disorganisation and miscommunication. It wasn’t how I’d hoped to spend his first birthday and the pointlessness of all the upset made it even more frustrating. I’m still a bit miffed when I think back, however given that I’ve only just remembered it now, I can’t be that bothered still!

I’ve had two babies one of whom is currently an eight month old and WOW. My eyes have opened with this thread. What ridiculous madness

Not a baby first, but this gave me a similar feeling. When my daughter was little, my MIL and I took her to London. I was really excited to show her the toy department in Harrods. MIL, as she does, wondered off with my daughter and it took me hours of walking up and down and around the shop to find her. After 2 hours I saw her and said, " Thank goodness I've found you. I'll show DD the toy department now, she'll love it" to which she replied, "Oh we've been there, it wasn't any good."
seems laughable now, but made me so cross at the time.

Someone announced dc3's birth on facebook while he was poorly in hospital.

Someone visited dc4 in nicu when we weren't there and we had said we just wanted his parents and siblings visiting him in nicu.

@ShottaSheriff

Miscarriage stole my first, second, and fourth baby.

This is where all the other stolen "firsts" pale into insignificance.

💐 for you @ShottaSheriff