What baby first were stolen from you?

[alesha123445]

I've read its common for people to try and steal babies firsts and im interested to hear peoples stories.
A family member brought up taking my lo for her first shoe fitting, wanting to buy them the first rocking horse for Christmas knowing I've already picked one and that its a big deal to me, buying my babies first toothbrush without asking, asking to buy my babies first year old outfit. Sometimes ill nod it off and say yes, but deep down I have no intention of allowing it and I won't be using any of the firsts people buy anyway. I really want to hear about others experiences with people attempting or successfully stealing their babies firsts.

I must have missed lots of firsts because I had EMCS then ELCS so was flat on my back for the first couple of days both times.

I don't remember either of their first steps and only DD1's first word. I certainly couldn't tell you anything about their first toothbrushes or what they wore on their first birthdays.

I was pretty miffed at my DM for asking the sonographer at an emergency scan at 21 weeks for the sex and being told it without anyone bothering to ask me whether I wanted to know.

I have been privileged to do and see a lot of firsts for my godson, first haircut, first steps, and also first steps, first words, etc for quite a number of childminded children. It's a moment to enjoy and then move on. I wouldn't deliberately deprive anyone of the pleasure of seeing their own child's firsts but I also wouldn't be seething years later about missing one.

First bath and first trip to visit father Christmas. My exMIL tried to re-live her parenting days and I never stood up for myself.

First toothbrush, one year outfit and rocking horse are these things? What's a one year outfit? I don't think any of mine ever had a rocking horse but they survived childhood unscathed. I daresay they had a "first" toothbrush but I've no recollection of it.

Relax OP. Mine are teens now and I can't remember any firsts. It really doesn't matter.

Also, can we just stop using the phrase "stealing" a baby's first? Like it belongs to you somehow?

The baby's 'first' whatever is THEIRS, not yours.

And the first time you do something with your baby is YOUR first – it can't be 'stolen'.

I missed taking my eldest son home from hospital... He was born prematurely at 26 weeks and lived for two hours... 😢 😢 😢 😢

Is this your first by any chance OP? I used to be precious about rubbish like this too until I had my second.

Let me guess, is it the MIL

Dm looked after dc. Dd was about 2, with gorgeous curly hair which was still blonde.
Can you see where this is going?
Ds came home looking like a lego man. He was 4. It was only later that we realised that dm, rather than brush Dd's tangle...had just chopped it out made them do.sad face in.the photos

Sorry, meant that dm had had a chop at both of them ' because we were playing with scissors'.

My MIL gave my first born her first spoon feed - home made vegetable soup (including a shit tonne of salt) at the age of 3 months 😑 it was our first time leaving baby alone with someone. I was FURIOUS however I got over it eventually!

I thought you meant what milestones did the baby reach when you weren’t there. Mine was ds first steps; for a whole week he walked a few steps for DM but no one else. DD smiles easily for anyone but me! I didn’t hold DD first was too knackered it did concern the midwife a bit when asked do you want your baby and I said no!

I can't think of any firsts that were "stolen"
A midwife gave dd her first bath in the hospital she did a little demonstration in the middle of the ward and needed a baby to bath.
I was very happy to hand dd over and let someone else do it. I was very happy for anyone to show me what to do with her, I felt completely clueless 😂

@Elderflower14 thats heartbreaking im so sorry for your loss

Had a 27wk preemie. Hard pill to swallow, a lot of things missed. A lifetime of consequences from that too.

Wtf?

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

I disagree fundamentally with the whole concept behind this thread. Your child is not your property and it takes a village to raise a child. Therefore their ‘firsts’ do not belong to you and cannot be stolen.

This. You sound completely demented, OP. I’m assuming there is some considerable backstory, otherwise you would not be fuming about first toothbrushes and rocking horses.

Interesting how many other parents of preemies have clicked on this thread. I also assumed it was to do with not getting to do major things like hold, feed or dress your baby for the first few months.

I feel that getting a bump was stolen from me, along with the bonding with new baby time.

I'm reading everyone's replies and I'm on page 1, im not being bitter at all i was just interested if anyone had any stories because I was curious. I think i worded it wrong. By firsts i mean choosing your babies 1st birthday outfit, their 1st Christmas outfit, their first pair of shoes, taking them on their first holiday, designing their nursing. Things your just excited to expiereince as a first time mum and watching your babies reactions when doing something for the first time. I dont mean things like walking or talking, im also not saying I would never involve anyone in those experiences. I was just wondering if someone took away or you accidently missed a first you were excited for.
Everyone has differsnt opinions on whats an important first and what isn't, and yes i am excited to brush my babies teeth for the first time... i don't know why I just am 😁 No need for all the judment, I know u should've worded it better though

What’s a first year outfit? Like to wear on their 1st birthday? My DS wore some blue dungarees that I’d bought a few months earlier, and he pooed on them halfway through his birthday dinner so he got his pyjamas put on. Tesco delivered his first toothbrush. He’s never had a rocking horse. I can’t get worked up about any of that stuff, it seems really possessive. When he was born DH held him first, for a whole hour while I lay flat on my back being stitched up. It never occurred to me that I should be bothered?

Literally everything my babies did for the first time they did for someone else. DS has been with me almost every minute of his life with early scbu stay, super clingy newborn phase and then lockdown, like a limpit, but he crawled for DH when I left the room for a minute then took his first steps for DH when I went for a wee... waved for my mum, clapped and laughed for his sister.

DD crawled for DH, walked for my mum, I've never seen a baby's first steps.

Honestly couldn't care less though. I've seen them do all of those things hundreds of times, and spent so much time with them (plenty of it to, neither are sleepers) just watching them become their own little person. The rest of it doesn't matter, outfits, shoes, toothbrushes or whatever it's just not important.
I'm guessing it's your PFB OP? You need to get over it or you'll spend so much time sweating this petty stuff you'll miss what's important.

Not on purpose I'm sure. But my baby had his first icecream at nursery and I'd wanted to take him to this special place for it when he turned 1

I have also had two children who were both premature. I didn't get to hold them when they were born. My oldest was 2 days old and my youngest was 5 days old. You need a bit of perspective here. You can just say no! No one can force you to have/ do anything that you don't want to do, it is your baby not theirs.
My mum was a bit bossy when I had my first, wanted to pay for his bday cake and buy him his first shoes etc as that's what she had always done for my niece and nephew, but I just said, no thank you we can manage. I also get moaned at by my MIL every time i cut my youngest sons hair because it's curly, I just take no notice! You're going to have to get used to it and learn how to say no lol

My ex SIL bought DS1s first trike. It really upset me at the time, but 15 years later I think I was probably a bit insane. It really didn't matter! But it was one thing in a long line of things where her and ex MIL tried to undermine/out do me, so I suppose it meant more than it would have otherwise iyswim.

Only thing that stung me was I didn’t get to hold her for the 6/7 hours as I was really poorly when she was born so I have no pictures of immediate post birth and my DH held her for the first 7 hours and so I felt like I missed the importance of skin on skin. As for the others I’m sure there’s loads I’ve missed as I work full time but luckily I think the nursery are discreet and keep it from me!

God, you sound precious

My DD is 2, I can’t even remember what I brought for her and what others brought. I love gift giving and receiving so if someone brought her something I would just be grateful. It doesn’t matter if I never brought her a bloody thing in the first year she is still my daughter!

I don’t understand this concept of “baby firsts” don’t we constantly have firsts happen to us until the day we die (of old age hopefully)?

It seems a bit obsessive to me, almost like you are living vicariously through your child to want to be the cause of and present at every new experience your child has. When does it end? (If ever).