What baby first were stolen from you?

[alesha123445]

I've read its common for people to try and steal babies firsts and im interested to hear peoples stories.
A family member brought up taking my lo for her first shoe fitting, wanting to buy them the first rocking horse for Christmas knowing I've already picked one and that its a big deal to me, buying my babies first toothbrush without asking, asking to buy my babies first year old outfit. Sometimes ill nod it off and say yes, but deep down I have no intention of allowing it and I won't be using any of the firsts people buy anyway. I really want to hear about others experiences with people attempting or successfully stealing their babies firsts.

this is a wee bit daft and it would be healthier to let it go - it's nicer to think of it as people sharing the joy of your child. But maybe things are a bit more difficult than you've let on? I know I reacted a bit strangely to things sometimes when my DD was very little and I look back and can't quite remember why.

I still feel a bit sad (which is an improvement, it used to make me howl) that when DD was born, I found out she was a girl when a nurse said to me "she's having a bit of trouble breathing at the moment" - emergency c-section, we both were in quite serious trouble. That really bothered me for a long time, something very precious and special that did feel stolen.

She also wanted to be called mamar because it sounds just like mama

I had this - normally I think I'd have let it go but it went along with some very unpleasant stuff in pg and constant undermining after birth so didn't.

Every pg announcement some family member has massively kicked off with us -just having people be happy or say congratulations hasn't happened once.

Other than that I did find it slightly upsetting with pfb when I was just starting to get and enjoy buying clothes - suddenly I was given 18 months’ worth. A lot was unsuitable - eczema issues - and some was OTT pink which DH hated so dyed - but even so really meant shopping wasn't necessary. It was useful financially and over the years I've been grateful for family clothes buying - it was just so much and I said I'd been enjoying looking - it felt deliberate.

It was also part of a pattern of Nice things at first glance that either cost us time or money - stuff that wasn't as great as first appeared and everyone would tell us how lucky we were.

the behavior did stop eventually and that and the kids getting older and start wanting them to have as many experiences as possible and caring less it's with you kicks in.

Wow I've never even thought about this tbh OP! I'm usually quite grateful for the gifts and days out/experiences people have either got DS or come along to share with us. DS is 4.5 and I assume over the past 3 years (he's been at nursery, and now school) I've missed countless 'firsts'!

MIL asked to buy my DD her first shoes, which I respectfully said no to and said that we would do that. It's a little thing, but I want to keep them (first toddling shoes and all that) and also want to be the ones to get them.

It's a little thing, but it's a memory I will look back on fondly.

Well, after a three day induction and truly horrible birth at lunchtime, I was exhausted with my first. DH left at 9pm and by 3am I still hadn't slept because baby was crying constantly (v rough forceps birth). The midwife offered to take her for an hour so I could sleep.

When she came back three hours later (she'd let me sleep, bless her heart!) she apologetically told me baby had done it's first poo and she'd had to change it. Can't say I was too bothered about missing the meconium, to be honest! And DH had done the first wee, I don't think I actually changed a nappy for a day or two! Bonus.

All sounds very materialistic. Who cares? Baffled that someone could hate their SIL 16 years after she brought round the wrong presents.

When I had mine social media hadn't been invented (thank god) so normal day to day non events were not hyped up into photo opportunities to share for likes.

also I think people are being unfair, not mentioned in my PP:

my oldest was a preemie, he was rushed straight to resus and I was unconcous from surgery for the first hours of his life and we had a horrible hospital stay

my youngest was a medical emergancy and was rushed to the NICU due to needing several resuses

I dont blame anyone for those thing - Im not mad and I dont class them as 'missed' oppitunities/firsts just a different experiance/first to some (so a first is the first time coming out the NICU, first time getting the feeding tube out etc...)

BUT my children are both medical miracles, I suffered over a decade of infertility and complex pregnancies and birth and was told to give up and that I would never have a 2nd so your damn sure the first are important to me... assuming everyone that cares hasnt been through hardships and is privilaged is ridiculous, I care BECAUSE of what I went through

Never heard of that. Mine never had a rocking horse ever. And I certainly didn’t put them in any sort of special outfit when they were one. I wouldn’t care about these things.

@peonyblossom

Well, after a three day induction and truly horrible birth at lunchtime, I was exhausted with my first. DH left at 9pm and by 3am I still hadn't slept because baby was crying constantly (v rough forceps birth). The midwife offered to take her for an hour so I could sleep.

When she came back three hours later (she'd let me sleep, bless her heart!) she apologetically told me baby had done it's first poo and she'd had to change it. Can't say I was too bothered about missing the meconium, to be honest! And DH had done the first wee, I don't think I actually changed a nappy for a day or two! Bonus.

lol thats one of the 'firsts' the hospitals always made sure I was super involved in, even dragging me to the NICU when I could barely stand and I'm like 'great litrally crap... thanks' - I wanted to hold him not do toilet duty as far as first go I dont think changing the first poo is that high on anyones must list (I always assume its just because the nurses didnt want to lol)

I accidentally made my niece laugh for the first time. SIL and BIL still bring it up and are clearly irritated by it!

The experience of giving birth was 'stolen' from me by pre eclampsia, my baby was delivered I had little to do with it.

I wasn't the first person to hold my baby, feed my baby, dress my baby, bathe him, change his nappy or cuddle him.

But, we are alive, and that's not something we can take for granted because from the moment I entered the hospital with pre eclampsia our survival was a percentage probability, not a guarantee.

He is eleven now, I still cuddle him endlessly, when he was younger I changed hundreds of nappies, bathed him almost daily, fed him when he was hungry. I didn't get that first week, but I got him in the end. He's my son forever now, thank God.

@mygrandadsvest

I accidentally made my niece laugh for the first time. SIL and BIL still bring it up and are clearly irritated by it!

I can see why your niece wasn’t getting any laughs from them @mygrandadsvest!

@CupOfTeaAlonePlease

My mother announced both my pregnancies before I could, against my express instruction not to.

She told my father, my siblings, my extended family.

I'm sure it was very exciting for her. I wish I'd been allowed to be there for it.

my MIL did too, she figured out I was pregnant then cornerd DH (who is scared of her and wont lie to her) and then told family 'because they needed to know' apparently - but as I said she also stole the first haircut and holiday etc...

I didnt even know of half the people she told and had never met them, how the hell did they 'need to know'?

but once she told it spread like wildfire in town where she knows everyone and I was the last to know people knew about MY pregnancy - we also werent announcing because of the risk of MC and my family didnt know yet

There is a bit of a theme of pissing on our chips from our families – other posters example are clearly not coming from that place.

I'm known to enjoy baking and had been looking forward to doing fancy birthday cakes.

First time I think I'd decided to make a proper fancy birthday cake Thomas tank engine. Despite knowing I was planning this both sides of DGP bought huge shop bought birthday cakes and side smaller cakes- which were nice - and were less than complementary about my baked one -everyone else liked it - which I did get slightly upset by but main issue was shear amount of cake left.

Few years later with children parties 3 cakes was less an issue but then it was awkward.

I thought okay - less stress in future I’ll buy as well, couldn’t rely on them bring cakes, and didn’t really bother doing the fancy cakes till children were older and could properly help which was nice in a completely different way.

I'm not sure the first toothbrush is a thing, but MIL annoyed me at DSs 1st birthday party by bring a cake for her oldest GS (10) and getting everyone to sign happy birthday to him as well.

She did this despite; her asking if it was ok and us saying no, The GS birthday not on the same day as DS and not the day of the party, my SIL being spectacularly unbothered by celebrating her kids birthdays as she had 3!

MIL knew DS was likely going to be my only but had to muscle in. I got told on here though I was BU.

What annoyed me more in a way was that she didn't do it on his 2nd or 3rd birthdays - just had to take the shine off the first one

Got my own back though - that GS got married on DSs 13th birthday and the whole wedding guest sang happy birthday as the last song of the night. My nephew was totally unbothered by this - but mil was put out.

So my advice is some you have to chill out over, and the others you plan your revenge!

@AnneElliott

What annoyed me more in a way was that she didn't do it on his 2nd or 3rd birthdays - just had to take the shine off the first one hmm

Or maybe she realised how pissed off you were So realised not to do it again?

And you got your own back on a 10 year old? That’s just petty!

my SIL being spectacularly unbothered by celebrating her kids birthdays as she had 3!

Maybe your MIL thought it would be a bit sad for a 10 year old to see a baby with no idea what a birthday is getting a big party (which I always think is ridiculous for a 1 year old) when his mum wasn't fussed about his birthday and so did a very little, token thing for him that can't have taken more than 5 minutes?

I honestly don't know how people have held onto such petty resentments for so long. Imagine how much nicer life would be if you just let this stuff go?

I’m another NICU mum. I’ve had lots of more important (and real) firsts “stolen”.

@AnneElliott

That's awful. You, not your mil. Your poor nephew, first his mum doesn't care about his birthday then his aunty holds a grudge for (at least) thirteen years because because happy birthday was sung for him. Hopefully he was glad to have happy birthday sung for his cousin at his wedding (I would be).

My DP did an unbirthday randomly for DN at one of my children’s birthday parties haven’t done anything like it before or since- including cake and presents - luckily my kids weren't bothered. DN had had a birthday party 6 months before which we hadn’t been invited to which I understood but seemed odd need to make one of my kids birthdays all about DN.

My IL have several times tried to make one DGC birthday all about them - trying to insist we eat food they didn't like or go to children unfriendly locations for their birthday and criticise number and type presents we bought – though they did get them a present. We gently pushed back suggested compromises and tried to avoid being around them for next year and made sure our children were happy.

I’ve seen it as something else to manage rather than plotted revenge.

Making sure there was something – celebration meal out/ party that was done for that child midweek if necessary and trying to push visits to furthest weekend near birthday so if they are randomly batshit it has less impact.

More I think about this more insane I realise my kids extended family can be.

I’m sure I bought DD’s first toothbrush because I don’t know who else would have done, but I have zero recollection of it. Is that a milestone now?

It’s probably not what you’re getting at, but I felt robbed of the first two weeks of her life when DH had paternity leave because failed breastfeeding meant we were readmitted to hospital 3 times.

Wow. "You plan your revenge"...

On a 10 year old because someone sang happy birthday to him.

Some very precious and bitter people on here nowadays 😂