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Original poster

would you have another baby just to 'try again for a girl/boy'

162 replies

obabadabobba · 10/10/2007 14:42

I have three beautiful boys, I would die for them all I love them more than life and would never swap them. but, I can't bare the thought of never having a daughter and I am considering having another baby just to 'try again'
I cant even talk to my dh about this, it breaks my heart, I have a lump in my throat writing this and I think about it every day.
I have got to the point where I avoid friends with their little girls because it makes me feel sad.

I know some will call me selfish or ungreatful, I wish more than anything I could just get over it.

please help.

OP posts:
Fimbo · 10/10/2007 14:47

There is a lady at my ds's school exactly like you. She is on pregancy number 5 and has been told it's another boy. She had already told everyone she will just keep going until she has a girl.

Personally I think it's rather sad for the boys she already has, because their mother only had them in the hope they would be a girl.

Be happy with what you have, think of all the couples out there, who would be happy just to have one dc and you have 3 lovely boys.

crokky · 10/10/2007 14:48

If you can fit another child into your life, regardless of whether it turns out to be a boy or a girl, then I think it would be OK to have another one, so long as you wouldn't be "disappointed" if it came out a boy.

People are all different, some people really want a boy/girl etc and some people genuinely could not be less bothered.

Word of warning - know someone who had 3 boys, tried all the "techniques" to have a girl - well now she has 4 boys!

goingfor3 · 10/10/2007 14:49

I know you love your boys but if you have another boy how will he feel if he finds out you only conceived him because you wanted a girl.

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ToadieG1 · 10/10/2007 14:51

I don't think it's something I can help with as I have 2 boys and a girl. Had girl first, then boy and then had another. I don't know how I'd feel if I had 3 of the same sex and whether I'd want one of the other or not. I think it's something only you and your dh can decide. You could well end up having another boy though so you'd have to be prepared and happy for that eventuality.

3andnogore · 10/10/2007 14:52

oba...personally I can't understand it...I ahve 3 boys and people expected me to be disappointed when I was told in pg 2 and 3 that I was having boys and I wasn't...not because I wouldn't have loved a little girl, just it wasn't that imporatnt to me...however, I suppose it might be a bit different for me, as I have a cleft lip and palate, and well...more then anything else, I was so happy when being told that there were no hinters of that....

How do you think you would feel if you had another little boy? Can you afford a further child, and do you feel that you could cope with another child (emotionally now)?

manuka · 10/10/2007 15:04

You're not selfish at all!! We can't help how we feel about things and I think its good you can be honest.
Why don't you adopt a girl from those countries where girls are unwanted such as India and China? I suppose its not that easy but at least you're guaranteed a girl who desperately needs a loving family.
Or you could think about all the negative things about girls like moods, periods, unsuitable boyfriends etc!!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. x

kitsandbits · 10/10/2007 15:06

I have 2 boys and am TTC after christmas,

I would like a girl - I never htought i would, Ive always wanted sons but now I really would like a daughter.

So yes, we are trying for a girl

but wouldn't admit it to anyone in RL because that would mean that if I had another boy i would be dissapointed,

but i wouldn't

I would be sad that i may never have a girl (because I only want 3 total) but i would still love my son with ALL my hear.

Its difficult to explain.

kitsandbits · 10/10/2007 15:08

heart!!!

i keep missing letters out today

Original poster
obabadabobba · 10/10/2007 15:09

oh sob. talking about this makes it real

I found out I was having ds3 at scan and I was very happy, I love little boys very much and have never felt any disapointment that they were not girls, if fact I'm not ever drawn to little girls that I meet, I prefer little boys, but that is obv because they are what I am used to.
I always wanted three and it kind of feels like our limit (certainly at the moment anyhow) so the thought of never having a daughter has just hit me really, it now feels final and it feels like it is something I am going to have to live with.
I'm only in twenties so I know I have time. I also can't bare the thought of not having a little people around and it feels like I am too young to have stopped having kids iyswim?

OP posts:
kitsandbits · 10/10/2007 15:11

Thats how i feel oba,

its never bothered me until i decided to go for number 3 - because this will be my last - so its my last chance for a pink one.

TheDuchessOfCorpseBride · 10/10/2007 15:14

I'd like to say no, but as I had a girl followed by a boy (followed by another girl), I'm not in a position to know how I'd have felt.

I have one friend with 2 boys that would dearly have loved a girl but doesn't want anymore children. But she gets watery-eyed whenever someone else has a DD.

And I have another friend with 3 girls that is going to try for a boy. And she's a fan of big families so she might just keep going, although at 41, she'll have to hurry up!

We're never bloody satisfied are we?

seeker · 10/10/2007 15:14

I'm glad my mum did - or I wouldn't be here!

kitsandbits · 10/10/2007 15:17

lol seeker,

my mum and dad had 4 girls - and my dad wanted to try out for a boy on number 5 ,

but my mum said no!

he still gets moody about it,

but now there are 3 grandsons and no girls!

so tides have changed

Original poster
obabadabobba · 10/10/2007 15:19

have you tried any crazy methods kits? we decided that we couldnt go down the route of strange douches and whatever else it involves.
dh is very much a boy person so I havnt spoken to him about it because I would hate for him to not understand. think thats wy its been eating me up.

it is hard to explain. I tell myself that I wouldnt get on with a daughter because I never had a sister and never had a good relationship with my mum. dh thinks there is only room in our family for 1 'queen bee'
I have a friend with 4 boys and I look at her lot and think, wow, they look fab, so I can't imagine I would be disapointed, but I would be left with the same feeling after 4 boys as I have now.

OP posts:
Easywriter · 10/10/2007 15:21

I haven't read the thread but

NO

I'd be trying for a baby and hoping (Or possibly following a variety of old wives tales) for the boy or girl.

Why line up potential disaapointment when it's someone's life that will get of to such a bad start?

kitsandbits · 10/10/2007 15:21

We are trying for no3 after christmas, but have been looking at 'girl concieve' techniques n the net.

Not sure I would try them though.

Will probably just let nature take its course.

Original poster
obabadabobba · 10/10/2007 15:24

thanks for your opinion easy but if I did go on to have another boy I ould never, as you say, let their life have a bad start.
I don't think you understand.

OP posts:
Easywriter · 10/10/2007 15:27

I know you wouldn't mean to (and I think I may understand, I'm about to give birth to my 3rd girl and I would like a boy) but what I think I mean and haven't said very well is that it's a risk. You can't predict how the pregnancy would go, if you were gonna get PND for example, so how could you be sure?

Everything in life's a gamble though.

pagwatch · 10/10/2007 15:28

No - and it really annoyed me that people thought we were.

I had two boys and we had for some reason always talked about having three children. When i got pregnant with DC 3 I just wanted, ideally, a nice ordinary healthy kid but I was most comfortable with the idea of another boy.
I soon got used to the little girl that arrived but people just kept nodding sagely at me and saying "ahh, you want a girl this time.."
No - I want a baby.

Original poster
obabadabobba · 10/10/2007 15:34

oh god, I get comments all the time, everywhere.
it's always the same tone, almost 'oh dear'

I have had people tell me that they were lucky because they had both, and so many people feel the need to say 'will you try again for a girl'
every time I feel like crying.

I guess what I need is a way of getting used to the idea.

OP posts:
3andnogore · 10/10/2007 15:46

OBa..oh I get that all the time...are you going to try again----for a girl....
well, the answer is always a humongous NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, mainly because I don't want a baby anymore...my ys is 3...I am 37 now....and well....tbh, I want somethinelse now, not the whole sleepless night/ nappies/ being constantly covered in Babypuke (as it was the case all 3 times, lol) thing....
however, yes I do feel a bit sad that I will never feel a baby moving in myself, never be able to give Birth (and maybe getting a chance on a homebirth) again and never be breastfeeding again....but well, those reasons just wouldn't be good reasons for having another Baby, lol...

skidaddle · 10/10/2007 15:55

Oba - I don;t think you should feel bad at all about wanting to have a girl. I think it is perfetly natural and nothing to be ashamed of. And as you say it doesn;t mean you don't love and adore your sons.

However I would be tempted not to try for a girl if that is why you are doing it - the disappointment may be awful if you don;t get a girl. I think the adoption option is a really good one - is that something you'd consider? That way you know you're getting a girl and you don't risk making yourself or your son unhappy if things don't work out the way you hope

Lizzylou · 10/10/2007 15:58

I have two boys and have been asked when "am I trying again for a girl", I am not, I can barely cope with 2 DC's! I was always only having children and have no plans to change that (although I am going through a broody phase!).

That said, I always assumed I'd have one of each (I grew up with 1 brother and DH has a sister) so having 2 boys has somewhat quashed my "Topsy and Tim" idea of parenthood. I do wonder how different or family would be with a girl, wonder if I'll feel outnumbered by all these males as they grow up but also rest assured that I have 2 wonderful boys who I absolutely adore and are complete Mommy's boys

I know of a woman with 4 boys (all under 5)who is trying for a girl again. I think that that is sad for the boys who may feel they are somewhat of a disappointment.

Fizzylemonade · 10/10/2007 16:02

I think it depends on what your conceived notions are of a girl, my sister was a complete tom boy as was I, we hated dresses, pink, dolls, shopping, being dressed up etc etc so from that point we were never "girlie girls" although I now am!!!

I have 2 boys and have had the comments when preg with ds2 about how disapponted I must be. Well, I'm not.

Sadly my Dad wanted a boy and got 3 girls and it does bloody hurt to think that we weren't what he or my Mum wanted but what they got. They were so convinced I was a boy they only really chose a boy name. This was way back before scans and they tell the tale of the midwife telling my Dad on the way to tohe ward that he got just what he wanted, errr no he didn't.

PetitFilou1 · 10/10/2007 16:37

My friend is trying for a girl, she has two boys and makes no secret of it. I am very worried about how disappointed she will be if it is another boy. She has said she will go for four if it is another boy.

I totally understand how she feels but don't think this is a good reason to have another baby. But ... I have one of each so don't have the dilemma and am not sure what I would do in your position.

A neighbour of mine has said she's finished and has two boys. She is very feminine, glam and pretty and I recently said to her that I had never heard her say she wanted a girl. She just said if she felt the need to go shopping she'd just borrow someone else's daughter I thought this was a lovely attitude to have but we can't all feel like that.