would you have another baby just to 'try again for a girl/boy'

[obabadabobba]

I have three beautiful boys, I would die for them all I love them more than life and would never swap them. but, I can't bare the thought of never having a daughter and I am considering having another baby just to 'try again'
I cant even talk to my dh about this, it breaks my heart, I have a lump in my throat writing this and I think about it every day.
I have got to the point where I avoid friends with their little girls because it makes me feel sad.

I know some will call me selfish or ungreatful, I wish more than anything I could just get over it.

please help.

hello jodar!
I can't tell you how much better I feel after opening up about it, I can really handle the idea and accept that my boys are my blessings and I am so so lucky to have one healthy child, let alone three!
perhaps you could show your dh this thread? it might make him open up a bit if you think deep down he wants a boy rather than a baby ?
it really, really helped me, as you have probably read.

would you like a fith child? I can't imagine how much work that would involve, my hair goes grey at the thought of it!

Hi Oba,

I am so glad you are feeling better about things. I do think my hub is trying again for a boy but would also be happy if it was a girl, I just think he is a tryer and will keep trying until he gets what it is he wants. I guess we are all a little like that and find it tough to accept the things we have no control over!

Part of me would love another baby, but there is so much to consider, 4 kids is very busy! But I have just turned 30 and I have only felt ready theese past 3 years to have my family now. Our older two girls we had when we were much younger and we were no way ready then. But we did it! Its like having two seperate families really! So I am at a loss right now as to what to do. My common sense says enough is enough ( especiaaly when I am cleaning the mess up after 4 kids, even though the older 2 help alot) but my heart tells me go for it when we all are together having family time.

I also didnt have a great relationship with my mum growing up and had no sisters so maybe I am compensating by having a large family, plus my hub is adopted so I do think he has a strong desire to have family surrounding him.

What ever the reason, I guess what will be wil be! Its all a learning process and writing things like this gets the process rolling, so we can then uncover our deepest feelings and make the decision we feel is right.

Do you realy feel you would only be trying to have a girl?. I think I had my fourth because of that but am I glad now I had her. It was her destiny to be born however it came about! Our family would not be the same without her. If she had been a boy we would have felt the exact same I guess.

My mother had 2 boys first and then had me she was over the moon, but through her bad relationship with her own mother, she never learned how to have a healthy relationship with her much wanted daughter! So things are not always what they seem.

I wanted a son and a daughter. If the daughter had arrived first I would have kept on going for a son and vice versa.

I fully understand your original post oba...

My thoughts were that you have one life and I wanted to experience being a mother to a son and a daughter. I would always have wondered what it would have been like if I didn't have one or the other.

I was very fortunate and have what I wanted but I would have kept going and each child would have been deeply loved - but I would have kept going.

My neighbour produced her girl on the seventh attempt!

Hi Obab,
I know I am coming in very late here, but heres my twobobs worth anyway

I have a boy and a girl, so have not had your experience. I am so thrilled with them, although I can (honestly I think!) say that I would have been just as thrilled with a second girl.

So heres another perspective: I sometimes imagine what it would have been like to have a house full of girls (we plan more babies) - and think about how wonderful and special it would be to have all children of the same sex. I think that would create a really special and unique family culture. Please don't think for a second that I am making light of your feelings, or that I am not thrilled with my boy and girl - I'm just saying that I think you have something really special too, and that its soemthing that those of us with 'both' will never have.

Another thing - try to tune in to your feelings about why you want a girl (as I think you have been during this thread) - if you have a girl, she may be nothing like you expect ayway!

I'm sure there are many people who feel like you btw, and just haven't admitted it to themselves. Even if you never have a girl, I'm sure you will feel better ovr time as you get used to the family that you have, and as you realise that wanting a girl is a completely separate issue from loving your boys - so you don't need to feel guilty.

Best wishes

Also coming in very late and havent' read all the thread, but I know exactly what you mean, Obab. I have 2 boys and have always really yearned for a little girl. I try not to think about it as it does make me a bit tearful, especially when I see friends' little girls in all their lovely pink clothes. Plus I know I should be grateful that both my boys are perfectly healthy and an absolute joy. But.... ds2 is 10 weeks and I'm already thinking, should we think about a third and try for a girl - trouble is I know I would be disappointed if it was a boy, and that's really not fair on the child, so it's a real dilemma. Anyway, just wanted to share my feelings on the subject.

Astrophe,nice to hear it from your perspective, I never considered people with both would ever wonder what it might be like to have same sex kids!

I have had 4 boys, my first was stillborn and my remaining 3 healthy and happy.

I can understand having a preference for a girl/boy (though I haven't felt this while being pregnant with my boys), but I don't understand it when people want or are disappointed when they have the opposite sex to the one they 'wanted' (iyswim...I think I understand what I'm on about..tis late )

Surely all anyone could ever ask for is a healthy baby! Obviously in my case I was just totally overjoyed that my last 3 babies were ok, but even if I hadn't lost my first I would still feel like that.

I'm not saying I wouldn't like to have a daughter (a little more pinkness in a very male household wouldn't go amiss) but I would NEVER decide to have a baby just to try for a girl. If we were to decide to have another it would be because we wanted another child.

Anyway, I'm not having any more....

Oh and the comments I recieved daily whilst pregnant with DS3 made me so 'Oooh I bet you want a girl this time' Even from people who knew about our first baby!!!

Nope, a healthy child is what I wanted..

Hi Oba - sorry I don't have time to read all the thread.

Buy the book "Choose the sex of your baby" by Hazel Chesrman-Phillips. We used it for our 2nd Dc and got the girl we'd hoped for (we aready had DS1). We left it to nature for DS1 and DS2 and bore boys which was great. We both love boys but we also both wanted a daughter as well. We used the following method for DD:

Frequent sex (lowers the sperm count = more girl sperm than boy sperm) in the week runnng up to ovulation

STOP making love 2 days before ovulation (boy sperm die after 24 hours, but girls live for 3 days)

It is based on science and worked for us. It also worked for another couple we know.

I totally understand - I think you want another baby anyway by the sounds of it and would love a daughter as well as your lovely boys - nothing wrong with that at all.

That houl have read " by Hazel Chesterman-Phillips"

Havent read all of the threads but sort of skimmed.

I agree that you must want a baby before you want a girl or boy, but completely understand your feelings. I have a DS (20 months) and am currently pregnant with DS2. We would have liked a little girl but wasnt too hung up on it altho it took DH a few days to get used to the idea.

We have however talked about how many children we would like and have decided (altho this could change after DS2) that 3 would be the max for us, so perhaps will keep our options open for now.

I would be a lying if I said i wouldnt be a little disapointed if I didnt have a little girl but i have equally fun thoughts and dreams about three boys, so hope that if we did concieve a third boy my dispoaintment would be shortlived.

Just another thought - Whilst there is scietific evidence that these 'concieve a boy/girl' schemes 'work' (by having sex at certain times etc), they actually only change your odds from roughly 50/50 to something like 40/60 (or similar). So there really is no guarantee, and you need to be aware of that.