What do women do after being SAHMs?

[peachpuppy]

Genuinely not meant to be an insulting question, was just curious if returning to employment is the only lifestyle choice / only 'acceptable' lifestyle choice when your children become adults.

I honestly don't understand why you'd think staying out of work (and presumably allowing someone else to keep you) was a reasonable life choice. I know a man who does no paid work at all and lives off his DW - I find that grim. I don't know anyone else with older children who doesn't do some paid work. Where would it leave you in term of a state pension? Why would you want to live off someone else's? I do understand that some people can't work but for those who can I don't get why you wouldn't want to contribute financially unless you had complete long-term economic independence.

@Thirtyrock39 I know someone who recently finished her nurse training in her late 40s, after 18 years of being a SAHM. She went straight in at the deep end with the whole Covid thing, but has no regrets and I’m filled with admiration for her.

@SaltyAndFresh Takes all sorts to make the world go round! Maybe him and his wife have an arrangement of some kind, we are very rarely privy to the ins and outs of other peoples relationships hahaha x

Hahaha. Well it appears to me that she considers herself lucky to have him and doesn't he love her to know it.

@SaltyAndFresh From what you've said it doesn't necessarily sound the healthiest. But that may not be the fault of their relationship model tbf! I'm sure it would work for some people haha.

I honestly don't understand why you'd think staying out of work (and presumably allowing someone else to keep you) was a reasonable life choice

But it is a reasonable choice, particularly if you work together as a team. No one is 'keeping' anyone, we work together and just as hard. If you see it 'as living off someone else's back' then of course that sounds negative, but we both work hard in different ways and it works really well for us.

Dh works 16 hours a day minimum in a job that has a high turnover of burn out, to continue to do his kind of work he needs support at home. I could never hope to earn anything close to his salary so it makes sense of us to do it this way.

I have built a very successful and contented life around my own values, and together we have a loving and very secure home. I don't believe you have to earn a paid salary to be useful, fulfilled or contented - my work is very rewarding but it isn't paid, that way I can choose my own hours and fit it around my life.

For us it works really well, and we have had, and will continue to have a great and adventurous life. Everyone is different - and it pays to keep an open mind, as many opportunities arrive in life - and it is way too short to be miserable!

@flatoutpanic Have you looked into paid apprenticeships and stuff like that? It seems like quite a useful way to get some skills, a bit more money and some confidence! x

SaltyAndFresh

Never mind if you can't understand, perhaps it requires the ability to think outside the box and for yourself.
retirement can be financed in many ways, you don't need a pension.
As for state pension, well most sahp's I know pay a full NI or pension credit etc.

@SaltyAndFresh I never thought about pensions until I was 45, and realised I would not even qualify for state pension

The pay-off has been that my happy-go-lucky (feckless ) attitude means that I lived in 7 different countries, speak 4 languages, have friends from many different cultures and backgrounds. My kids were born along the way, we happily lived simple life in flats and rentals, only bought a house later in life. No pension, no job security but I feel I made the most of life and saw the world, and if the consequence is that I will need to work until I’m 70 , and downsize when the kids move out, then so be it.

I also may go to Ethiopia or Brazil and teach English there (my current dream) Who knows. Money is not the only thing. It matters, but being rich is not my life’s ambition

I may regret this at 70/80, who knows. Nobody knows what the future holds anyway.

(Have started paying NI retrospectively though as I am also a little bit sensible )

Found this thread really interesting.

I currently do some pretty high level voluntary work (with accredited qualifications etc) and love it, but I think it depends on a lot of things. Our kids are toddlers and primary schoolers so I still very much see the practical and financial benefits of being at home for us as a family unit at the moment.

By the time my youngest is 18 (stretching SAHMing to its limit imho) I'll only be 48 so there is absolutely no way that this is it career wise for me.

Our ultimate goal is to work 25 or 30 hours each in the medium to long term. We live quite frugally naturally and pay into pensions for us both so hopefully this will be achievable.

@Pikachubaby That's a hell of a life story, wow! Have you been a SAHM throughout travelling and do you consider that your "main" identifier? Not that people need to be put into boxes, but if someone asked you about your career what would you say?

Does your / did your partner work during this - i.e were there lots of career changes along the way due to all the travelling?

Definitely an exciting use of time, if you ask me

@DCIRozHuntley Do you think if you returned to work at 48 (or around that period), you would continue in the line of work that most fits to your work before being a SAHM, or do something in relation to your current volunteering? Or are the two in a similar field?

Thank you for contributing!

Can I just say thank you for the interesting stories? I don't want to be a SAHM long term and it's never been something like be wanted, but am seriously considering a short career break and part of that would be staying home most of the time whilst doing other things. It's really good to hear some of the things you've been doing or plan to do as my main concern about a career break is not being able to pick my career back up again.

@LolaSmiles It's such a varied group of responses, and I've not seen a ton of threads on this topic specifically! Good luck with your career break