What do women do after being SAHMs?

[peachpuppy]

Genuinely not meant to be an insulting question, was just curious if returning to employment is the only lifestyle choice / only 'acceptable' lifestyle choice when your children become adults.

@bowtiepasta thanks so much! So does that suggest that if you decided you would like to return to employment, you'd prefer to restart with a previous employer rather than a new path / company? Have you been a SAHM for a long term (i.e. quit and would be reapplying), or are you in a mat leave type of situation where your future employment is protected? Thank you for contributing!

I was a SAHM for a few years, have three kids aged between 12 and 18. Since my youngest went to school i have been working for myself, self-employed. I volunteer one morning a week, and am starting a Masters in October at the grand old age of almost 50.

I have no intention of ever going "back to work" and working for someone else ever again.

Hahaha thank you for the advice, @Friendsoftheearth! I will have been married 4 years by the time we try to expand our family, and I have also adopted two little black cats about a year ago - it just seems that being a mum seems like the right thing in my heart! But I agree, I'm getting as much wine & sleep right now as humanely possible - storing for hibernation By that point, we will be financially secure enough to justify a baby as our mortgage price will be lower than a current rent price and my DH is working on getting his ducks in a row to get a promotion in a few years. Maybe I'll get a horse too though I wish you well too! x

@ProfYaffle I'm definitely looking into some online editing jobs when I get out of uni (I have some experience in writing and transcription work and will hopefully doing a degree in English Lit and Creative Writing - probably won't make me a millionaire, but a girl can dream!) I'm going to try and keep my eye on the employment ball, but I also don't want to waste any precious moments with my future children by being too preoccupied and panicky about what I'm going to do next. Thank you for your advice

@SockYarn That's such an interesting option! If you don't mind me asking, what are your self employment and Master's in relation to? E.g. is the Master's to benefit your self employment, or is one a passion project? x

I did a PGCE and became a teacher.

I’m currently a SAHM to DD (just turned one). I have an option for a career break until next year which will take me to two years out of my current job. I’d have to go back after that though.

I’d love to stay as a SAHM until DD is school age but if I leave my current job, I won’t be able to go back to it (policing). I’d have to go through all the recruitment processes again if I wanted to go back, plus I’d lose everything I’ve built up in my career so far (additional skills, promotion exam etc). I went straight into it when I left uni (I have an unrelated degree). I couldn’t use my degree to go into a different job as I have no experience in that particular field- unfortunately I did one of those degrees which don’t really translate well into real life employment unless you do loads of work experience (which is fine when you’re 21 with no other responsibilities) and I fear it’s been far too many years since my degree for it to be really of any use now.

I could leave work and not go back, which DH has suggested, and as much as I’d love that, I do feel that I’d like an identity outside of being a SAHM once DD goes to school. I’m sure I could easily fill my time being a ‘home maker’, gym, hobbies etc but I’ve worked hard at my career and I don’t want to just walk away.

I’ve got transferable skills but I have no idea what else I’d like to do! So options are quit and think about something else later on, or go back to policing after my career break.

After 3 years at home I’m going back to Uni to do a degree in speech and language therapy.

I went back to work part time in a related field (albeit a step down) when my youngest started school (I was sahm for 11 years!). Changed jobs when youngest dc was in year 2 and went full time and back at the level I was before career break. Management level by time youngest was year 4 and earning much more than I did pre children.

On Mumsnet it's all doom and gloom for Sahms. The reality for me was very different I got offered every job I went for and nobody cared that I had been out of the workplace for so long.

[quote peachpuppy]@bowtiepasta thanks so much! So does that suggest that if you decided you would like to return to employment, you'd prefer to restart with a previous employer rather than a new path / company? Have you been a SAHM for a long term (i.e. quit and would be reapplying), or are you in a mat leave type of situation where your future employment is protected? Thank you for contributing! [/quote]
My previous job was quite niche so I'm not sure I'd be able to do much at the same level that wasn't in the same or related field, but also i probably have lots of transferable skills. I'd definitely wait for the right role/org unless money became a pressing issue. And would still ideally be PT (term time only is a dream! ) Realistically I wouldn't go back to same employer as prefer to do something new I think and logistics are now trickier as I don't live near the hq any more. I've only been a sahm for a year technically but was on mat leave before that, intending to return but situation changed. Being a SAHM was definitely not in my long term life plan but it's changed how I view work/life balance. One child has never even been in childcare so things will likely stay the same until school at least.

@TheIckabog I definitely understand your feelings about needing an "identity" - hell, I'm not even in this situation yet and I'm worried about it! But I also think that while I'm sure raising children contains so much joy, it is also a full time job with subpar holidays! Anything you want to label yourself (or not label yourself) is your identity, and if I could take time off at 16 after realistically having done so little I'm sure you can do the same after being a hardworking mum all's well that ends well!

@MeredithJim Speech and language therapy is super inspiring! Was there anything in particular that led you to that path? x

@GreekOddess Wow, instant job! You must have a hell of a resume, that's very cool! Do you feel satisfied in your choice from becoming a SAHM to a working mum (either in terms of family dynamic or personal growth)? x

@bowtiepasta Feel free to stop me if this is too personal, but you said being a SAHM wasn't in your original life plan for yourself. I was wondering if you have any regrets about your change in direction, or things you'd advise women considering becoming SAHMs to consider before committing?

My mum never returned to employment after having me in her early 30s. She volunteered and did some school-based (very PT, think seasonal) work when we were older teens. She would’ve been early 50s when we’d left home and she and my dad split up around that time.

She has spent the time since then pottering around, much like a retired person might. No side businesses or courses, just enjoying hobbies. I think she is very happy these days.

However, as a teen and in my 20s I felt she needed more to occupy her time. She seemed very unhappy and still wanted to be very “involved” as a mother and it wasn’t appropriate for me and my siblings, caused lots of problems as we were not able to separate and develop as adults.

I think work is great for providing structure, community and purpose. In your position I would consider where else I would get those things when my children had grown up and had less need of my involvement in their lives.

@AudHvamm So your mum didn't go into full time employment, but you wish she had? Do you think you'd have had an opposite reaction if she had gone into full time employment (i.e."mum's too busy for me now" etc)? That's a good point though, I wouldn't want to intrude on my child(ren)s life in order to keep me preoccupied. For me personally, I might do some full time employment but it wouldn't be for longer than 10 years - DH is slightly older than me and retires quite young, so I'd probably retire alongside him. Maybe set up shop in Costa Rica or Barcelona

DSis was a teacher, did supply teaching and special needs for a few years, then back to full time teaching when her DC were in senior school

DNiece was a GP, locum while the DC are young. Her also GP husband would be praised to the skies for occasionally needing parental leave, while she was regarded as a burden for the GP practice. They were both at the same GPs practice.

@FinallyHere That's so ridiculous. Fathers need time off too, but it's not like they've pushed an infant out of their vagina recently. Hope she didn't take it too personally [flower]

So you are 17, OP?

@JonHammIsMyJamm
Yeah! Why do you ask?

@MeredithJim

After 3 years at home I’m going back to Uni to do a degree in speech and language therapy.

I'm starting a speech therapy degree too! Where are you studying?

I was a SAHM until my youngest started school. I had about 5 years out. Went back to my pre-children career, found a good employer who offers flexibility and it's all reasonably well balanced.

Married
Already experienced in ‘transcribing & writing’, though you are in college, not working
Had an eBay shop in the past

Yet you are only 17.

I’d say creative writing was an excellent degree choice for you.

I’ve had 10 years out of paid employment so far. Expecting another 3 or 4 before I could consider what to do next.

DH works away a lot (pre corona) so it would be hard for me to work full time, and not great for our family work/life balance. We don’t need another income and I can’t return to my previous career, which requires a PhD and is very competitive. I also have no desire to work for someone.

Options are

1. Expand my volunteering through church or foodbank. It is something Dh and I are passionate about but he can’t easily fit it around his career. It would also give me the options of co-workers, promotions etc if I wanted structure. It is easier to reduce if the kids need additional help as teens.

1. Self employed- set up a business, I have a few ideas. Wouldn’t need to make much money at first which is an easy way to start.

1. Retrain with a masters and take some ad-hoc work or consultancy.

Currently number 1 is the main plan. I’ll have about 20 years before retirement so I’m not sure though, I may want something more.

It is a lot easier because we are in a secure financial position. We didn’t have kids until five years after we were married, and we lived very cheaply, so we had time to save and pay off a lot of the mortgage. Well done you for thinking ahead!

@JonHammIsMyJamm Honestly I think the only surprising one is the marriage tbh Legal age in Scotland is 16 which I took advantage of ahahaha. The writing stuff I just kept bombarding magazines & journals with my writing (sometimes worked, mostly didn't). The eBay shop was just a little side hobby! I definitely could have worked harder in my younger years