What do women do after being SAHMs?

[peachpuppy]

Genuinely not meant to be an insulting question, was just curious if returning to employment is the only lifestyle choice / only 'acceptable' lifestyle choice when your children become adults.

I know my love, it's the "acceptable" that gets my goat, not that I particularly thought you agree
Nobody should really give a flying monkey what is deemed acceptable by society, do your own thing.

Yes very. It was going great, quiet now but confident it will pick back up again. I took a business loan so it's totally my endeavour but my husband supported me fully so it's worked really well

@Devlesko I completely agree. I think as soon as you push through stigma or any kind of social awkwardness it gets easier everytime - it's just that initial push of acknowledging people might make assumptions about it that's the tricky part. Still, we try our best!

@Wecandothis99 You must be so proud! That's such a big accomplishment, wow! Though I'm now legally obligated to ask as a slightly chubby individual if you have any tasty baked good recipes you'd recommend

@peachpuppy haha it's got to always be the brownie right?, nice and simple but perfect every time 🤤

My aunt had four children under five and stayed at home until the youngest was 13. She didn't waste that time though, she did two degrees and an MSc at the Open University while they were all growing up and when they had she went back to work and did an extremely high powered job earning more than her husband at 45 and then trained to be a C of E vicar which she still is in retirement.
There is no stopping her.

@Wecandothis99 woman after my own heart! but now i'm unfortunately sitting in a very hot room day dreaming about brownies x

@madcatladyforever Did she ever rest, the poor woman! Still, that level of motivation and willpower to just get on with it ... trying to source some of that for myself! haha x

I’ve had around 18 months off with my youngest and I am raring at the bit to go back into work! I had no intention of ever staying so long at home, but we moved to another country and it’s very hard to get childcare here. Being a SAHM is not for me. Quite simply I feel like I spend at least 80% of the time doing drudge work (cleaning, tidying, cooking, grocery shopping etc) which I just don’t enjoy. I love my kids but I think I need to feel like I’m using my skills for more than just my family. It’ll make me a happier and less distracted parent. Obviously how I feel has no bearing on how I view SAHMs - each to their own!

I’ll be going back full time and we will both try to reduce hours once the kids start school, so they don’t have to go into too much wrap around care.

@peachpuppy when I said 'on here' I meant mumsnet in general, not this thread. Apologies for not being clear

@hungrywalrus That's great, I'm glad you're jetsetting your own path! Are you very passionate about your job / career progression? x

I was a sahm for about 30 years although I did various courses here and there. I also helped dh in the business voluntarily most of the time, just here and there a couple of hours a week.
We worked in the same industry so I was able to keep up to date with anything new since I left.
Then I started my own business as after being my own boss couldn't imagine working for someone else.
All lost due to covid though, so not sure what I'll do next, maybe more online work.

Sorry @Silentfrog I can't actually see your first message! Did you change username by any chance or is it on my end? x

@Devlesko Are you looking to build it all back up post-Covid or move on to something new? I can see either being reasonable honestly, this has been a very intense year! x

I was a senior solicitor spent 6 years as SAHM then started my own practice

I think it depends on your age when you become and stop needing to be a SAHM. I have friends who became SAHM at 16-18 and had kids right up to their thirties. None of them have returned to work approaching 40 as they couldn’t really do anything - even volunteer work requires experience. Some of them became grandmothers in their 30s and expected to be involved there but their kids have, for whatever reason, not let them become as hands on as they wanted.

You’re only 18?

I'm not sure tbh. I need to see what happens in schools, music festivals,weddings, theatres etc.
I'm an entertainer, but my business was storytelling Romany Tales. I had funding from ACE (Arts council England)
My dh is a musician, but has managed to keep the wolf from the door with private teaching. But, all we need are a couple to cancel, cut back etc and we're doomed.
We are very frugal and minimalist though hardly spend at all.
Have battled against Clairvoyance, tarot and the likes all my life, because of stereotypical assumptions. But, I might have to add these.
There again might be incompatible to school work.

@GrumpyHoonMain That makes sense! I'm intending on getting as much experience as I can so that I don't cut off opportunities in the future, while also prioritising family life as that matters to me.
I don't think (?) I'd be a young grandma necessarily but I suppose if I have a child young and my DH was a product of teen pregnancy then you never know just due to the environment / familiarity factor. I'd be happy helping out with grandchildren honestly!

@Boscoismyspiritanimal 17, but nearabouts haha! This seems to be a recurring question on this thread though ... wonder what that says about me

@Devlesko. A friend I knew a long time ago had Romany heritage, she liked to read palms (I don't know my own personal beliefs on it, but I think anything that could bring hope is valuable). I'd say it could be an interesting area to move into, providing it doesn't conflict with any of your moral principles or anything -- I'd probably be curious about it if I saw it in person!

I was a SAHM for 12 yrs as I have four kids so all childcare options were unaffordable. My husband has a job which required him to be away Sun-Fri until recently and my oldest is autistic (HF) which has required a variety of attention. We have no family help.

Four years ago I became a TA at the kids' primary school and I've been 1-1 for a wee lad for the past two years. I'll be following him into the next year and I'm looking forward to it, I've really missed him during lockdown.

I became a TA because my family cicumstances meant that term-time only employment was my only option. Luckily, I really enjoy my job and would be very happy to stay in it for the next 20yrs till I retire.

peachpuupy

I'm going to do one of those courses that are drastically reduced, something in the realms of Psychology or counselling.
Only level 3/ A level, but would make me feel better about doing it, I couldn't conn people and tell lies.
But you don't have to, unless you want to.

You sound much older than 17, I bet that's why people are surprised.
I have a 16 year old and whilst she's very wise and old for her age, these aren't the types of question she'd think to ask.
So hopefully not sounding condescending but well done on your thread and thinking about this stuff.

@Devlesko Just for clarification, are you asking to do a course with me or are you asking to practise some of your course on me? Or other?

Either way, I'm in if you are

@Devlesko Honestly I can't take credit for most of my emotional development . I've got a mother for a poet and a life long of vaguely traumatic experiences that make me (more or less) cohesive sometimes! And don't worry no condescension taken; I'd only have heard condescension if you had said; "sweetie you're too young to ask big questions" or something to that effect