What do women do after being SAHMs?

[peachpuppy]

Genuinely not meant to be an insulting question, was just curious if returning to employment is the only lifestyle choice / only 'acceptable' lifestyle choice when your children become adults.

@Oblomov20 Oh don't worry, I don't think I have the preconception that pregnancy / labour / motherhood / family life etc is easy at all (particularly in situations of high stress or difficulty). I think the fact that I have spent so much time reading the accounts of so many women on their personal pregnancies and child-raising experiences that I understand how difficult it can be (and often is). I guess this makes me more aware though that all of these difficulties can make working on any level incredibly difficult and draining -- I guess in my personal opinion, I'm of the volition that women who can return to work after having a baby absolutely should be able to as that is their right as a mum (providing they're looking after their child / children of course). In the long run, this will probably make things easier from a financial or career related perspective, but similarly mothers who want to be SAHMs or stay off work for a longer period should be allowed to do so without the ever-looming threat of unemployment rearing it's head. Honestly, I think as long as you do your best to be a good mum and good to yourself, both options can work out fantastically in the long run.

My SiL lunches, goes to the gym/classes, has her nails done, cooks, cleans, walks the dog, goes for coffee, visits her Mum/MiL eat sleep repeat

@Glamazoni It can be difficult for many women, I agree - which is prejudicial in some sense as rearing children shouldn't be considered "taking a break" of any sort (but that's just my opinion!). As for the small businesses, if you know any owned by former SAHMs or mothers in general I will try to start supporting these independent businesses as much as I can manage.

@gingercat02 Honestly in my opinion if that's a lifestyle she can maintain and makes her happy, more power to her!

@peachpuppy you’re right, madder things have happened! Now that I’ve got the plan, just need to figure out what I actually want to do with my life

Oh dear. Please can this inspiring thread about moving beyond being a SAHP not descend into sneery stereotypes? I was enjoying the positive stories about retraining and successful returns to former careers, or finding fulfilment in other ways.

Of course it doesn’t work out for everyone, but sure MN has enough past threads about why being a SAHM is such a terrible idea without this one sliding in the same direction.

@MuchTooTired I'm not sure if that was sarcasm, but if it was then I'm sorry I upset you- it definitely is an unrealistic expectation to go to another country solely for tuition, I was just trying to lighten the mood a little!

@Mrsfrumble Hopefully we will be okay & can keep expressing independent opinions and talking about them. I think given that everyone is unique and has unique pregnancies / children, there's never going to be one method of parenting that is the supreme method. I think unless you're hurting your child, all methods of parenting should be respected.

@Mrsfrumble

I really appreciate this thread OP. Most threads on here that mention being a SAHM end up in bunfight so it’s nice to have one go in a different direction, and I like hearing other people’s stories.

There have been lots of downsides for me, but I have to say not having a job means life for our family has been a lot less stressful and complicated than it has for many others since Covid turned world upside down. Silver linings and all that...

Totally agree with you (particularly your first paragraph, but then read your second and that too!)

I’ve found this thread really interesting. Would love to hear small business ideas that have been successful on a local basis.

Obviously these are no longer mums with small businesses, but if anyone wants a bit of a pep up about returning to the work force or starting your own business, I found an article about lots of mums who have started their businesses while raising kids ;

smallbiztrends.com/2016/05/successful-mom-entrepreneurs.html

Hope this gives someone even the tiniest bit of inspiration!

If anyone wants ideas for small businesses that have been successful in my local area;

Personal Trainers
Candle making/selling
Clean eating/vegan meal delivery service
Cake maker - tray bakes delivered to local shops
Tutoring
Handmade clothes/accessories

Well I have had a complete career change from being a secondary school teacher to being a school nurse assistant
Did lots of voluntary work as a SAHM (and did a lot of it - not just making cakes for the school fair I was treasurer for playgroup, secretary of ptfa) but none of this impressed employers when I started applying for (non teaching) jobs, I really struggled to get back to work. Ended up working in a pub in the evenings for a year which was actually good fun and childcare friendly and it was being in a paid job that finally got my foot in the door back on the career ladder despite years of volunteering.
I'm nowhere near earning what I'd be on as a teacher and do regret jumping so spectacularly off the career ladder but my job now I really enjoy and find interesting and it is family friendly. I didn't want to go back to teaching but miss the status and opportunity.

@peachpuppy I think what comes across from a lot of the posts is that often (perhaps most of the time) the decision to become a SAHP is motivated by circumstances rather than ideology; for example childcare costs, illness or SN etc. I certainly had no plans to become one, and if we’d stayed in the UK I would have gone back part time after maternity leave. So it’s particularly helpful for those of us who never meant to leave the workplace long term or permanently, it’s particularly inspiring and helpful to hear how others have moved forwards. Personally I’m under no illusion that I’ll get back to where I was in my career (although it’s fantastic to hear about those who have) and I understand fully that I’ll probably be at a financial disadvantage for the rest of my life as a result. But for me at least, that wasn’t what this thread was about. Anyway, apologies for the potential “MeRail” (an awesome phrase I’ve picked up from MN), and let’s hear more about these small businesses we can support.

@flatoutpanic Cakes, knitting and candles speak to my little cottagecore soul hahaha! Maybe there are some future business partners in this thread, who knows!

@Thirtyrock39 Do you think you'll stick in the healthcare field or is education having any pull back for you? What made you choose healthcare when going back to work? x

@Mrsfrumble I get that completely! It's always inspiring to read first hand accounts of people who've done what you want to do, motherhood related or not

Just to add to my little post in an ideal world when my youngest leaves primary I would love to do my nurse training (I'll be 46 so will have to weigh a few things up!)
Hopefully on an apprenticeship with current nhs role 🤞

@Thirtyrock39 Oh best of luck with that! That's brilliant x

Yes I’m an accidental SAHM. It wasn’t my intention but I ended up losing my job whilst pregnant, then I had health issues after giving birth, and now with Covid it’s even more difficult to find a job than usual. It saddens me that so many women have to start a business because employers won’t hire them. I mean it’s great that they’re starting businesses but they shouldn’t have to.

Always wanted to be a nurse OP but mucked my a levels up and ended up on a random degree and fell into teaching - def wouldn't return especially as dh is a deputy head so know how stressful education is. Much prefer health

@Thirtyrock39 Oh I see! So your passion is coming full circle then - shows you were right from the beginning hahaha!

@peachpuppy I’m so sorry, it wasn’t sarcasm at all, and zero upset here! Your go to Germany comment made me chuckle. I genuinely have no idea what I actually want to do career wise that’s all I meant, I’ve been trying to figure it out for a while twenty years and am no further along.

On the plus side, I’m quite happy floating along in life and it’s worked out pretty good so far!

@MuchTooTired Oh brilliant! Sorry slightly hard to tell over text, thought you might be a little peeved at a slightly naive suggestion I'd say if you're floating then just grab onto some stuff and anything you hate you can toss back! hahaha x

@peachpuppy I wouldn't change a thing to be honest. Staying home for 6yrs has had very little bearing on my career. But that's just me.

[quote peachpuppy]@bowtiepasta Feel free to stop me if this is too personal, but you said being a SAHM wasn't in your original life plan for yourself. I was wondering if you have any regrets about your change in direction, or things you'd advise women considering becoming SAHMs to consider before committing? [/quote]
No regrets (yet). I am naturally fairly rigid in liking to stick to 'plans'/resistant to change generally, but life has beaten that out of me to some extent! Not in a bad way - had a fairly unexpected period abroad (all good) when younger, have become more flexible and open-minded about doing different things.
When I was considering quitting my job I posted on here and it's funny, the majority of people advised not to if I had a choice, as they love their work, like having 'something for them' / away from kids, plus the obvious benefit of more financial security. However a few IRL good friends were more of the 'you'd be mad to work if you didn't need to' view.
I do find the grind relentless and thankless, I'm not a natural 'fun mum' even though when my first dc was in nursery the grass seemed greener and I wanted to stay home with him and make a real go of it (rather than trying to think of random things to do on my non-work days) but that hasn't exactly happened. I am lucky though to not really need to worry about having my own income at the moment, although it would mean a decent holiday etc, I think ultimately I find hassle/logistics/responsibility more stressful than I used to so am kind of enjoying a boring life, which in my mind is only temporary. Things may change once youngest DC is in childcare/school... although once I have time for myself I can't imagine wanting to fill it with work, I'd love to read a book or even a magazine all the way through, even do the Ocado order in peace or just get some exercise...

Being a SAHM has absolutely made lockdown easier (it wasn't easy but I have no idea how people juggled homeschooling with working from home plus logistics of shopping etc).

This has been a really interesting thread guys, thanks so much for contributing! It's nice to have heard everyone's experiences in a calm way.