*trigger warning sexual harm* totally posting for traffic feeling desperate

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

My 6 year old daughter told me this evening that her 12 year old brother, my son, put his penis in her mouth this afternoon.
Initially he denied it, then said he’d only said it to her as a joke and hadn’t done anything but eventually confessed it was the truth and he had done it
He says he doesn’t know why, they both said it’s never happened before, he said he knew it was wrong to do it but did it anyway.
Their father, my exh, was emotionally and physically abusive towards me when we were together, we’ve been apart for 4 years now, which my son witnessed. He had some counselling in the initial aftermath of his father leaving but has always struggled with his emotions and anger and often says he feels out of control.

I don’t know what to do. I told my daughter she did the absolute right thing by telling me. There’s only me and the 2 kids, I have no one else. I don’t want his life to be ruined but I know this behaviour can’t go unchecked, he needs help
How do I get it for him? What do I do? I can’t believe he’s done this

What a horrid situation. I hope you get some advice today.

I am so sorry that this has happened in your family. Sending best wishes and hopes for the future.

OP I don't expect you to respond or to provide an update but I just wanted to say if you're still reading, be strong and take all the help you can. You're an amazing mummy and doing the right thing for both your DC.

How distressing for you! At least they both trusted you enough to talk to you and admit it. NSPCC is a good idea to contact or maybe a GP as they may be able to get the counselling rolling?

I speak as a survivor of CSA, I was abused by a male relative 10 years older than me, from toddler age to about six or seven years old.
I did speak out but the adults attacked me and protected the perpetrator
I later learnt that this male relative went on to abuse his own children.

I hope you managed to get some sleep OP and the help you need will be with you soon.

Thanks everyone. I didn’t sleep really, maybe got an hour, was worried my son might hurt himself.
Still waiting on contact from social services. Have spoken to my son at length, I wrote him a letter explaining the severity of what he’s done and why I’ve had to contact social services and we spoke after he read that.
He says no one has ever touched him in that kind of way, it’s never happened before, he’s never watched porn but some of his friends say they have- he said he’s been thinking about sex a bit recently, his voice is breaking and he’s growing body hair so is definitely in the throes of puberty, he said he was curious about how it would feel
I obviously told him it’s natural to have thoughts and curiosities but it isn’t right to act on them at his age, especially with his younger sister. I talked to him about boundaries and consent and masturbation. It was a very in depth conversation with a lot of tears.
He has apologised to his sister, he says he feels ashamed and unlovable- I asked him to describe himself to me and he said stupid, annoying and horrible.

My daughter seems ok today, she asked if she did the right thing telling me what happened and I reassured her that she did, that you should always tell the truth no matter what and that I would always listen and be there for her.

The two of them seem fine with each other today, I haven’t left them alone, they’ve been playing with each other just as they would normally- you’d never know something bad had happened looking at them

OP
If my mother was like you my life would have been completely different and so much better.

You sound amazing op

I'm so sorry this has happened. I just wanted to say that I think you're dealing with this brilliantly. You're being honest with your son about contacting social services and in turn your children are being honest with you about what happened and your son about what he is feeling. I would suggest no more conversation about it between the two of them and I wouldn't initiate a conversation with either of them about it but let them know that if they want to talk to you then they can. You can't "draw a line under it" and it will be dealt with by social services, however in the interim you don't want for this to become the defining factor of your household or your relationships together. I'm by no means saying to bury it or pretend it didn't happen, but to allow you all to be a family within the boundaries of safety and supervision.

Well done OP you sound like you've done exactly the right thing.

You're doing amazing OP. Really and truly.

Protecting the perpetrator rubs salt into the wound of the victim and gives the perpetrator licence to escalate their crimes
Take it from me

Op , I also work in this area . You've done the right thing but I wouldn't instigate any more discussion on what happened, until you've actually seen the police and social services. Just keep them apart and obviously if the children talk about it to you but do t instigate anything.

Good luck x

I think you have done everything spot on here OP especially getting in contact with SS as hard as that must have been to do. Your completely right in not leaving them alone with each other for now, your daughters protection is priority here.
Wishing your family all the best

How did today go OP? Been holding you in my thoughts.

It's a blessing your daughter told you straight away. You can get this nipped in the bud and try and get some counselling straight away!

A woman from the police and a social worker came round about 2 hours ago, and have just left.
They spoke to me, my daughter and my son. Consensus is that they will not take it to court, they believe, as do i, that it was a one off.
They are going to refer him to a programme called safer living to give him help with his feelings, self esteem etc
There was no talk of support for my daughter or me. Maybe that will come in time? I got the impression today was more about establishing whether they need to pursue the matter from a criminal perspective
He doesn’t have to leave the home either.

Very emotional, draining afternoon but hopefully it’s a step in the right direction

Well done, try contacting your GP for counselling you are being fantastic in your attitude

Hopefully that's the hardest part over

I just want to say how brave you have been contacting SS. Not an easy decision when you are torn in two. Hopefully it's a one off and the support you will all receive will enable you to deal with it x

Not sure why my post was deleted - was it because I mentioned a deleted post?
Anyone, just wanted to reiterate that I think you're doing brilliantly OP, and I'm sending you strength.

Well done @QuestionableDanceMoves. What a tough twenty four hours for you. It sounds like you handled it really well. Can you do anything to decompress tonight and take some time for you?