*trigger warning sexual harm* totally posting for traffic feeling desperate

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

My 6 year old daughter told me this evening that her 12 year old brother, my son, put his penis in her mouth this afternoon.
Initially he denied it, then said he’d only said it to her as a joke and hadn’t done anything but eventually confessed it was the truth and he had done it
He says he doesn’t know why, they both said it’s never happened before, he said he knew it was wrong to do it but did it anyway.
Their father, my exh, was emotionally and physically abusive towards me when we were together, we’ve been apart for 4 years now, which my son witnessed. He had some counselling in the initial aftermath of his father leaving but has always struggled with his emotions and anger and often says he feels out of control.

I don’t know what to do. I told my daughter she did the absolute right thing by telling me. There’s only me and the 2 kids, I have no one else. I don’t want his life to be ruined but I know this behaviour can’t go unchecked, he needs help
How do I get it for him? What do I do? I can’t believe he’s done this

QuestionableDanceMoves Well done. You're obviously a good mum who loves both of her children. This must be so, so hard for you. Please, if you can, get some sleep ready for tomorrow.

chilli Stop. Just stop. You are horrifically minimising this. I’m completely appalled by your post. You clearly don’t understand the affect sexual abuse has on children. I work with them, usually as adults many years later.

Don’t minimise. Just don’t.

That’s the first step OP, I’m so glad you spoke to someone and they are offering support for all three of you.

How are you feeling now?

She asked if they're seperated? meaning what?

@madcatladyforever youngsters see porn, unless someone explains "she's not really loving that" they don't know.

Well done OP. You can do this.

Well done OP. You've done so well. Very brave. First step forwards x

I’m guessing she meant as in not sharing a room? I just explained my daughter was in my bed and my son was in his room

I doubt I will sleep tonight, keep crying, feel sick, worried about the next few days, weeks, months, worried for both of their emotional and psychological well-being, how to support them both
We are a very close family- the 3 of us, we’ve survived a lot and because we don’t have family nearby we are very much in our own little bubble most of the time- that bubbles now been burst

You need to try get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long, exhausting day.

@bunbunbun these are the ops children, she loves both of them. I was abused IN care, it wouldn't have happened at home cause my mum would have noticed.
You sound naive to the point of being dangerous. Social services are not a saviour they're a risk

@QuestionableDanceMoves you need to put down the social media, put your head on the pillow and try to get some rest.

Just try.

Well done my love fuck that must have been such an awful call for you to make but you are being a brilliant mum
getting the ball rolling so quickly.

Tonight's one of those nights to hold your daughter extra tight so she feels extra safe and extra loved.

Again not to scare you but due to your son's rapid mentions of he should go to prison or die, he may genuinely believe these are his only choices your now and of course they aren't which is why ASAP he needs to be given information about other things that can help that arent prison.

Because the prison is the most terrifying thing to boys that age so suicide can begin to manifest as a get out / an apology for what they did. This is all so awful for you but like I said my heart could sign that your daughter is with you overnight night in bed.

I wouldn't be calling the police at all!! FFS it's her son and he's 12!

He's only 12 and he's already doing this. You're framing this the wrong way. The age of criminal responsibility is 10. He's old enough to know right from wrong, old enough to be held accountable, and old enough to know that his sister's boundaries matter.

Yeah this is serious. Really really serious. Outside help and a child psychologist with specialist experience. For both of them. Fast. And she needs to be safe somehow.
This is the age (12) where if bad shit is going to start it does, and it doesn't stop. Except sometimes with professional intervention. Not the police and unless social services have access to specialist psychologists go carefully there too.
But this is an emergency. Thank god she told you. What a night mare, I really feel for you. X

lilmishap You can't compare your situation to the OP's daughter's.

Social services are not a saviour they're a risk

I'm aware of three children for whom SS were the best thing to happen to them and an adult whose childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her "D"M's BF only stopped when SS got involved.

chilli You are minimising it. And you failed to understand the offence that has been committed and told the op, incorrectly that it wasn’t rape.

It is not up to her to “press charges”.

You sound naive to the point of being dangerous. Social services are not a saviour they're a risk

Sorry if I've offended you @lilmishap I genuinely don't know what I've said that has made you say this? Maybe there have been some cross posts but I grew up in care. So I was surprised to be called naive to the point of dangerous... Two different social workers changed my life at different times for what it's worth. But I'm genuinely always keen to learn and develop so am always open to your reasoning behind calling me that

Lets not turn this thread into a disagreement about the care system and its failings. That’s irrelevant.

Oh OP, my heart goes out to you.
I can’t imagine how you must be feeling knowing you have a son who’s not yet a teen but has raped your own daughter. You want to protect them both but if SS suggest your son is removed I think you should agree, your daughter is the victim and her safety is paramount. They won’t let any harm come to your son and will help him and try to build up his knowledge and self esteem so he can safely enter society.

Also, well done you for taking action and getting help so quickly! If you had ignored this it could’ve escalated further to him raping your daughter again or even more girls (or boys). I think at 12 he knows it is wrong even if he doesn’t know why he did it. Are you sure he hasn’t been abused himself? By a friend’s parent maybe?

Take care, I hope you all get the help you need and deserve

@QuestionableDanceMoves

I just send you hugs.
You have done the right thing.
I wish everyone was as brave and honest as you.
Now things have a chance to resolve themselves properly.
More hugs. xx

You need to call the child protection team of your local police station urgently. Your son needs to be helped but also needs to be stopped.

I notice you didn't mention help for your daughter. It doesn't matter how young your son is she needs protected and also supported. You don't seem to understand exactly how serious this is.

I conceded to you on that nicknacky. Anyway I don’t want to derail OPs thread, I hope the meeting tomorrow is helpful for you all OP.