*trigger warning sexual harm* totally posting for traffic feeling desperate

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

My 6 year old daughter told me this evening that her 12 year old brother, my son, put his penis in her mouth this afternoon.
Initially he denied it, then said he’d only said it to her as a joke and hadn’t done anything but eventually confessed it was the truth and he had done it
He says he doesn’t know why, they both said it’s never happened before, he said he knew it was wrong to do it but did it anyway.
Their father, my exh, was emotionally and physically abusive towards me when we were together, we’ve been apart for 4 years now, which my son witnessed. He had some counselling in the initial aftermath of his father leaving but has always struggled with his emotions and anger and often says he feels out of control.

I don’t know what to do. I told my daughter she did the absolute right thing by telling me. There’s only me and the 2 kids, I have no one else. I don’t want his life to be ruined but I know this behaviour can’t go unchecked, he needs help
How do I get it for him? What do I do? I can’t believe he’s done this

I’ve reported it too.

I also think that you’ve done the right thing. Wishing you strength and calm for today.

(Am surprised about the poster who said she did something similar also as a 12 year old, and that nobody responded).

@QuestionableDanceMoves I hope you managed to get some sleep. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. You’ve done the right thing.

Cerise - why would you sign up to respond but not bother to read the full thread. If you had you would see that the OP has quite rightly contacted social services for support.

OP I am thinking of you all today. I hope it goes as well as it can. I doubt they will want remove your son If you can assure then they will be kept apart and he is remorseful. Please try not to worry. It is a good thing that your DD shares a room with you. Please keep an eye on your son too. His comments that he should go to prison or die are worrying. Hopefully by the end of today you will all know better what to expect going forward.

@cerisetoadstool I have reported your post as I do not think the advice you've given is in line with the law or policies in this area.

The OPs son has done something wrong, whilst I'm not keen to see him put on the sex offenders register for life and sent to prison, the family obviously need some intervention from outside agencies.

The fact that the OPs DD was able to verbalize what happens means that she will definitely remember this in years to come and is aware that something isnt quite right. She will need to get counselling and support, as she becomes an adult this will gravely affect how she relates to her brother. The best thing is to get some support in place as early as possible in order for the relationship to not be tarnished (if possible) and for aide effects to be minimal in her adult life (which includes her own adult sexual life when she is old enough)

I have no idea what should be done with DS, but I believe only the OP knows what kind of 12 year old her is - mature vs younger than his years. Who knows. Either way, what he did is against the law. I would argue that if he doesnt have any SEN then he wouldve seen his baby sister growing up and been aware that his role is to look after her and to be a big brother, not abuse her in the way he did. The fact he is feeling shame tells us that he knows what he did is wrong. I'm not sure he should be punished but definitely think it should be be reported and he should get help and should be monitored until he is at least 18, for the sake of keeping DD (and potentially others) safe.

Hope today is ok for you op
I also think you did the right thing by contacting social services.

I would contact social services to self refer OP

Just want to echo that you have done the right thing and you sound like a fantastic mum OP.

Thinking of you today and hope your family gets the support you all need.

The reason people haven't mentioned it is that the other poster was explaining that she did it to another child because she had no real way to contextualise her own abuse.

Given that the OP has own called social services , the expectation is that they will support the op to find out the cause of why her son did this and offer counselling.

Sorry just seen you have already called them OP, you have done the right thing and been really brave in an awful situation. When you hear stories of adults who have gone off the rails it’s often because their parents didn’t act in situations like this. You have absolutely done the right thing to protect your daughter but also to your son in hopefully stopping him doing anything like this again.

OP the more you add about his comments (I should be in prison or die), the more I do suspect that something has interfered with his sexual development.

Stripping it right back, he clearly knows that people that do this are not kind so that would lead me to think he has had some experience of being on the recieving end of damaging sexual behaviour.

I hope your daughter is okay.

I really have no idea why posters feel the need to wildly speculate or talk about wholly unrelated events in threads like these. I can't see how it would be in any way helpful to the OP, indeed, the complete opposite.

OP has contacted SS and separated the children. That's all that matters right now.

Oh OP. I hope you have a trusted friend in RL you can speak with.
You are doing the exact right things in what is a terrible situation. I really hope SS and the nspcc are able to give you all the appropriate support.

Thank God your dd spoke to you about it.

I was 7 when my 'uncle' was giving me a piggy back. He stuck his finger up my vagina through my pants. I told my mother, who told my father. My father said that he'd beat him up if he ever did it again. I was like 'but he's bigger than you' (he was a fat cunt about 6'2).

It has stayed with me all through the years, so please don't underestimate the effect this will have on your dd.

Again, this was the 80's, so there was no mention of any involvement of services, which SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE.
Also, my brother showed me his penis once when he was about 12. THAT has also stayed with me.
Consequently, I have quite an odd relationship with men. I presume they all only want one thing.

Your son went too far and needs disciplining and therapy.

Your dd needs help moreso.

Do not under any circumstances leave him alone with her. EVER EVER EVER AGAIN.
You've done the right thing in contacting social services.
Your son will not be dragged off or anything like it.
But your little innocent dd, needs therapy more than anyone to ensure that this doesn't leave a lasting impression on her. She's still at the age where she's learning about love. Please please please I implore you, be honest with SS.

AND just to reiterate, it is a measure of HOW GOOD OF A MUM YOU ARE that A your dd told you and B you are involving the authorities.

As you can see from the posts here, NONE of us are equipped to deal with this sort of thing, so please follow professional advice only from hereon in.

Sending strength for today @QuestionableDanceMoves

Hi Op, not sure if this article might help you a little - I haven't read the full article.
Unfortunately it doesn't appear that the documentary is still available, but the article does go into some research on the phenomenon.

www.communitycare.co.uk/2019/12/17/family-secret-documentary-social-workers-need-know-sibling-sexual-abuse/

Oh op what a horrible situation.
The fact that your daughter told you and you've immediately taken the right steps show what a good mother you are.

OP I can only imagine the myriad of emotions you must be feeling at the moment.

I have zero advice to give, but just wanted to echo what others have said in that you are dealing with this incredibly well.

I couldn’t read and run. I just wanted to say how much of an amazing mother you are, to both of your children. So many parents honestly don’t seem to understand the severity of this and it could have been so damaging to both your daughter and your son if it had been swept under the rug. What you did was unbelievably difficult and you are so strong for instantly doing the right thing. You have all my love and support for whatever the next steps are for your family.

What an awful situation. Your dd is so brave to have told you.

Your son really needs to talk to a professional and I hope SS can show you to the right people. He needs to know absolutely 100 percent that this was not an acceptable thing to do.

I will be thinking of you all today

Well done contacting social work op. Strength to you for today.

My heart really goes out to you and your children. I hope whoever is helping your family today will be a source of comfort.

Wow what a difficult place to
Be. You have absolutely done the right thing

Thinking of you today and hoping your children get the support so badly needed. Thank God your daughter told you.