*trigger warning sexual harm* totally posting for traffic feeling desperate

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

My 6 year old daughter told me this evening that her 12 year old brother, my son, put his penis in her mouth this afternoon.
Initially he denied it, then said he’d only said it to her as a joke and hadn’t done anything but eventually confessed it was the truth and he had done it
He says he doesn’t know why, they both said it’s never happened before, he said he knew it was wrong to do it but did it anyway.
Their father, my exh, was emotionally and physically abusive towards me when we were together, we’ve been apart for 4 years now, which my son witnessed. He had some counselling in the initial aftermath of his father leaving but has always struggled with his emotions and anger and often says he feels out of control.

I don’t know what to do. I told my daughter she did the absolute right thing by telling me. There’s only me and the 2 kids, I have no one else. I don’t want his life to be ruined but I know this behaviour can’t go unchecked, he needs help
How do I get it for him? What do I do? I can’t believe he’s done this

Youve absolutely done the right thing by contacting social services. Its natural to worry about the consequences for your son but in this situation your priority needs to be ensuring your daughter is safe. Your son abused your daughter. They both need help but your daughter is the victim.

@Gingerkittykat she does mention help for her daughter. Also, read the replies.

OP both DH and I were sexually abused by siblings at a young age and in both cases it was dismissed by our parents so I've no advice on how to navigate this situation. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and how difficult this must be for you. For what it's worth my abuse was an isolated incident and my relationship with my older sibling is good. We have never discussed it in adulthood and never will. My DH however has no relationship with his older sibling and is unforgiving and I cannot blame him for that. So two very different outcomes. I hope you get all the help you need but from reading your thread it's quite clear that you are a good Mother. Please try and get some rest. You're gonna need mental and physical strength to handle what's to come.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP. Just a hug from me xx

lilmishap we're not gonna get into a disagreement about the abuse suffered by kids in care

I'm well aware that fostered children are often abused. I wasn't talking about the DS being fostered though. You've conflated "SS involvement" with "child taken into care", when in fact SS involvement doesn't always mean a child being taken into care. In one case I'm thinking of, SS involvement did mean a teen girl's mother being told to ditch the bf or lose her kids so she ditched the molesting bf. If only she'd done it years earlier and if only it hadn't needed the teen girl trying to kill herself for to get SS involved.

Well done OP, you’ve done all you can for now in the best interests of both children. Try to get some rest of you can.

My jaw is on the floor with some of the posters minimising DS's behaviour.

OP, you've done the right thing and I'm glad that your DD is safe with you tonight. bunbunbun's posting on p2 is on the nail, especially the stuff about making sure that your DD doesn't feel responsible for how your DS feels.

Well done for getting in touch with social services. That was completely the right thing to do. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling but well done for taking the harder option. Good luck.

My apologies for replying before I read the full thread.

for the OP.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. You have done the right thing involving Children’s Services, hope they can help you all.

I know someone who had their vulva played with when they were 7 by a male classmate on numerous occasions even though she asked him not to and she went on to abuse other children by getting them to engage in imitating sex and humping without clothes on because she was never offered support even though parents and school were informed, please don’t let your DD turn out like this too, even if she doesn’t seem bothered by it this may affect her in many ways

Can posters please not try and scare the OP who is clearly doing what she should?!

Oh Honey you have done the right thing and called the right people. You haven’t swept anything under the carpet and pretended it hasn’t happened. I’m guessing that maybe your son saw more of his Dad’s behaviour than you may have known. The poor guy’s self-esteem problems probably stem from that. It may feel like you’ve thrown him under the bus, but you are getting your kids and yourself the help you all need to exorcise some serious troubles here and while it will be tough, I’m really proud that you’re braving up to doing it right away. Your kids will thank you!

@cerisetoadstool OP has already informed SS.

My God, some of these responses are actually shocking and I would dread to have some of you for parents. I am glad you have informed social social services.

@cerisetoadstool what an awful, awful post

cerisetoadstool -I signed up to respond to this.

Please for fuck sake can you unsign and delete your ridiculous post.
I don't know which part you've failed to grasp here but a 6 year old little girl was orally raped!
Yes the DS needs help and will now get access to that but in no world, other than yours, should he be protected and have this swept under the carpet.
OP will be praying that it's experimental and that he hadn't realised the severity of his actions, that the shock of being found out would be enough to put a stop to it etc... BUT what if it's not?
What if he does it again or worse?
This is the reality of ignorance.
This isn't about making Op's son feel ''even worse'' it's about making sure he understands that it can never happen again.
More importantly it's to safeguard his sister and show her that she done the right thing telling her mum and that she's believed and safe. She will also be given the help needed to make sure this isn't detrimental to the rest of her life.
Your advice, and I use that term very loosely, to OP about what to say to her daughter (I won't copy and paste it because it REPULSED me.) is absolutely horrific.
Remember that SHE is the victim here.

You have done the right thing OP, totally. My heart truly breaks for you x

Some of the people advising on here, are actually telling you to hide rape, which is never acceptable. Your son attempted to lie to you about what he has done, at 12 which he knew was wrong(or why would he try to hide it?)
I'm glad the police and social service have been called, your daughter is the victim here, please don't lose sight of that fact.
Your daughters needs have to come first, she's the one who has been assaulted and will be traumatised by this for the rest of her life.
Without going into detail, I was sexually assaulted once as child by distant family member and still get flashbacks,i'm nearly in my 40s.

What your son has done is very serious and he needs to face the full consequences of his actions. Your family has now fundamentally changed, you should never trust your son again around your daughter.
It may be hard but your daughter is only 6 years old and she needs you to be her protector. Please help her and keep your son away from her.

I am a social worker and I am SO pleased you have contacted social services. You have done absolutely the right thing in safeguarding your daughter, and getting the support you need for your family.

It is very disturbing a 12 year old would behave in that way and I hope he AND your daughter get the counselling they need.

cerisetoadstool, your post is full of awful, awful "advice" that should be ignored.

I sincerely hope that cerisetoadstool is not a parent.

You’ve done the right thing in reaching out to social services. It’s the only way to manage this.

Your son is twelve so should know better and shouldn’t have had this urge. He does need help. Your daughter needs to be protected from further risk, and will always remember this, and also what you did and how you protected her.

You also have to be aware at some point she may tell someone, a friend, a teacher, someone, and you can’t ask her to keep it a secret. That won’t ever work, if it came out you buried it and did so you would likely loose both.

The only way is to get the authroties involved as you have done, because it’s not something you alone can ever handle nor should you attempt to. 💐

Just reported cerise, that’s a heinous post and I’m shocked anyone would write it for any reason.

QuestionableDanceMoves I hope today goes well and you all receive the support you need. As awful as the situation is, you did the right thing.