Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

I think you're overthinking what was probably a 2 second quick photo. This little girl is the baby's sister, it's not like they asked a randomer on the bus if they wanted to feed the baby.

It was a personal photo on an individual's account, they are not obliged to promote breastfeeding. It is comments like yours that make women that cannot breastfeed feel like pariahs.

I think you just need to mind your own business really.

I tried to get my daughter to breastfeed her baby sibling but it didn’t go so well.

We have choices and it’s up to the mother how she feeds her baby, without being judged.

Letting a toddler stick a bottle in a newborn's mouth doesn't sound very safe but it's hard to judge without seeing the situation first-hand--it could have been that the toddler was placing a hand on a bottle that was directed by an adult.

If a women wants to bottle feed then that's her choice. No one should judge. Surely one of the major benefits of bottle feeding is that anyone can do it? The sole responsibility of feeding is taken off the shoulders of the mother.

I'm on the fence with you really op.

• yabu: I don't see how the occasional bottle from someone who isn't a parent is going to be a problem or is any of our business in the first place. A mother can decide who gets to feed her baby.

• I do agree with you though that we live in a pro-bottle feeding country and much, much more needs to be done to both promote and normalise breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is important imo.

Oh shut up. It's attitudes like yours that mean that new mums struggle if they have difficulty breastfeeding/decide not to breastfeed. I really can't bear it and if it were the other way round, people would be up in arms. FWIW I have nothing against breastfeeding and fully support a woman's right to do so, if that is her choice. Just don't ram your views about it down everyone's throats.

My DS is bottle fed (for reasons that are noone else's business). I've let his grandparents, aunts and (gasp) 12 year old cousin feed him. I wouldn't let the younger cousins do it for safety reasons. That's my choice and doesn't seem to have done any harm whatsoever. Somehow I doubt that if/when my nephew has his own children years from now that he will force his partner to bottle feed solely because he once fed his baby cousin. They'll make their own informed decision. Hopefully by that point the feeding police will have disappeared.

I bottle fed. I liked the idea that other family members got to have that special time too

You're as entitled to your opinion as the parents of the children in that photograph are entitled to theirs.

However, how someone else chooses to feed their child is absolutely none of your business.

Breastfeeding is normal. Bottle feeding is normal. It's a personal choice.

Mine were bottle fed. Bottles were given by me, DH and grandparents if they were in the country. Friends would also give bottles if they called around at bottle time.

It’s one of the big pluses of bottle feeding - you get help. No problem at all bonding with DC’s. Win win all around.

How someone chooses to feed THEIR child is really none of your business.

but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby.

So? You don't make the rules. People bond with all kinds of people, we're social animals. This is a good thing. Get a life.

I dont see the issue with getting a sibling to feed their little new arrival. Have you stopped to think that maybe the sibling might need do bond too and that they might be having a hard time adjusting to their new family member? Feeding their new brother or sister might help them to feel included.

Their is a huge amount of pressure to breastfeed and the overzealous and quite frankly judgey nature of posts likes this does not help.

This will not end well for you, op.
Also,

I breastfed mine but genuinely can’t see an issue with a toddler ‘feeding’ (I’m sure it was only for a little while) a baby. Siblings need to bond too.

What an awful OP.

I'm going to come round to your house and criticise what you feed your kids.

White rice instead of brown? what about their gut health, for God's sake?

A JAR of sauce? A JAR? Not from scratch? Won't you think of the sugar content?

What or how people feed their children is no one else's business. Grow up.

What a horrible post. I think it’s none of your business and am not sure why you even care about this non issue.

You are totally right OP and experts on infant feeding would generally share this position. Unfortunately it's a very sensitive subject for many people. Of course women have a choice how to feed their child and shouldn't be judged for it, but that doesn't mean we can't discuss these things and note that the bottle feeding culture is less than ideal.

Bottle feeding is fine, toddler doing it for the sake of a photo isn’t something I’d do but I don’t see it as “wrong” per se.

Bottle feeding is fine to show on pictures because there’s no anatomy involved, the issue of censoring breastfeeding is more a fault of breasts being so hyper-sexualised in our culture that people (for reasons I can’t fathom) still view them as more a sexual appendage than a part of a woman’s body evolved specifically for feeding their babies. I don’t think censoring bottle feeding images will make a dent to be honest.

Social feeding of babies is relatively normal in some cultures, especially where formula may not be available so other mothers will breastfeed babies if the mother of said baby is unable to, there’s nothing wrong with allowing others to feed your baby (if I didn’t have NICU nurses available to feed my DD when she was in NICU after her twin brother had come home, she’d have starved.)

I would hope that children don’t think too much between bottle and breastfeeding, but will be able to understand the benefits of either side and make a decision that is right for them when/if they decide to start a family of their own. If you want to look at ‘normalising’ bottle feeding over breastfeeding, then there’s a lot more to blame than parents taking pictures for keepsakes (example baby doll toys, always come with a bottle, not a fake breast).

The debate between FF and BF gets very personal very quickly OP. Perhaps accept that others will choose to parent how they please and not look too deep into a simple photo.

How lovely for a sibling to enjoy feeding their new sister or brother. Your post seems to want to suck the joy out of everything. A baby is born into a family and the relationships within that family will nurture them their whole life. You don't know the full story, it's the family's choice how they feed their child. None of your business at all. Imagine seeing that photo and being that uptight you go straight to Mumsnet to post a judgey post. Ps I completely support breast feeding and have done so myself but I despair at this purity spiral view of it that can really suck any joy out of feeding a baby ; bottle or breast

OP the fact that you put so much time, energy and thought into something that is nothing to do with you at all, tells me you probably lead a very empty and unfulfilling life.

How a baby is fed the parent(s) choice and allowing a sibling to 'join in' for a few seconds and bond is perfectly normal and fine.

You sound like a very sour person, no pun intended seeing as you're harping on about breastfeeding.
There is nothing superior about breastfeeding or bottle feeding, you do what works for you and your baby.
You are a nut and that's from a mum who has breastfed all 3 of her children.

Also FWIW my twins were bottle fed .

How is bottle feeding not normal? As a mum of 2 first breastfed second bottle fed, I cant understand how people still have such an attitude towards things like this. My son didnt breastfeed well so I wasnt happy putting him though being hungry and uncomfortable all the time. I have a 'friend' like you and I only out up with her for the others. I think it's nice that the sibling is having there time to bond with the baby too.