Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

Had I been less determined people's negative comments might actually have put me off.

Which is why you should always have confidence in your decisions. There’s no right or wrong, so just keep to what you believe is right.

You just can't convince everyone even with all with facts and figures in the world.

Because people are different. People should just do what’s right for them and stop trying to influence others because their choice is valid too.

I think it's fair to assume that in breastfeeding cultures failure to breastfeed isn't normalised in the way it is here. It does undermine a woman's confidence that she will be able to breastfeed her child. Wasn't there even a formula advert in the past (before such things were banned) that said something like "when breastfeeding fails there's x"?

@SnuggyBuggy mums are almost expected to switch to formula at some point. I remember being told "he will sleep better when you switch to formula" "he's still hungry, you should start topping up" "your DH could help you out if you switched" I didn't want to do any of those things, I had educated myself enough to know normal behaviours of a breastfed infant. I will admit I was tempted by the prospect of more sleep, but in reality it's such a short time of their lives, I'm glad we spent it as we did.

Whilst I was still pregnant I had several people telling me that I probably wouldn't be able to breastfeed because they themselves hadn't been able to

I had absolutely the opposite experience. My mum breastfed, my MIL breastfed, my friends breastfed. They all told me how easy it was and so much better than formula. I breastfed... I fucking hated it. But no one ever suggested I do anything different. Even when I was in hospital with sepsis due to mastitis everyone did absolutely everything to facilitate me continuing to breastfeed... I was crying out for someone to suggest giving a bottle. I breastfed 3 babies for a year because I felt like I’d be a failure if I stopped.

I agree, even the phrase "move on to formula" or "move on from breastfeeding" which adverts still use makes it seem inevitable. Before I was considering pregnancy and looking into it I just assumed the only people who didn't move on were earth mothers and women in poor countries. It never occurred to me I'd do it for as long as I did.

That said I'm from a family of bad sleepers so I wasn't too phased by that part, I mean I was in that it sucked but I didn't see it as abnormal.

I remember being told "he will sleep better when you switch to formula" "he's still hungry, you should start topping up" "your DH could help you out if you switched"

Who is telling you these things? Why the fuck are they commenting?

The only person who made continuous comments about my choices were my mum and MIL. I just ignored them, they’d had their ‘turn’ at raising children. Honestly, the only opinion I listened to was mine and my partners. And his opinion on things that affected my body was the only opinion to have ‘your body, your choice.’ I’d be getting rid of anyone from my life pretty sharpish if they were telling me how to parent of live my life.

or live my life.

Mind your own business, really.

I was lucky as my DSis and DSil were both pregnant at the same time as me. Other than them, DH and our parents, how DC’s were going to be fed wasn’t mentioned - other than at one midwife appointment to update my records.

I’m sure no one else was interested or bothered by our decisions.

@EveryLifeHasASoundtrack all sorts of people, colleagues, friends, family friends, women I met at groups, one salesman, a surprising amount of men actually. It was always meant well (I think I must have looked knackered for most of DS's first year) and they weren't telling me to do anything, it was just assumed I would be. I smiled politely and moved on, still annoyed me though.

sqirrelfriends

I think it’s very odd that so many people commented. Whether they meant well or not, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. Women just need facts, not random peoples opinions. I chose to ff based on facts and my own feelings, nothing else.

Obviously what we need to look at is why so many people feel they have the right to comment on others choices. And also why so many women don’t just tell these people to shut the fuck up or at least just ignore them and be unaffected.

Maybe I have been lucky that I just didn’t get many of these comments. Maybe I did and just didn’t notice because I was sure of my choices. There’s lots of things I doubt but I never doubt the choices I make for my children.

I think it's a saviour thing, when you look like you are having a hard time people want to try to be helpful. A narrative you see all the time on here is that of the mum struggling with breastfeeding until someone (partner, mum, MIL) swoops in and saves the day by buying a steriliser, bottles and formula.

@SnuggyBuggy definitely a saviour thing, I mentioned on here before about the tongue and lip tie that DS had and that it caused some issues, also I was tired because I had a baby that woke up every 2 hours and I think that was obvious to everyone who saw me.

I've had a couple of people assume I'll switch to formula at 6 months. Not really sure why. This includes a family friend who was also very (almost overly) pro breastfeeding for a newborn. Every culture has these ideas of what's normal. Interesting I suppose. Considering bottle feeding rates are so high here, I wonder if a lot of those people would breastfeed if lived somewhere else and you've got to ask why.

Forumla is so expensive. It's also a real faff which I feel lucky that I don't have to deal with. My best friend prefers ff though and that works for her.

@sqirrel did you get the lip tie sorted? 1 in 10 babies have a tongue tie in the uk. Makes breastfeeding really exhausting for the baby and yet the nhs barely cuts them. If that changed I think we'd have a lot more happy breastfeeding mums. Once I had my lb done (privately) it is so easy and quick to breastfeed. Had no pain since week 1.

@Lelophants the lip tie actually caused more issues than the tongue tie which wasn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. The lip tie really affected his latch as his lip couldn't form a good seal. Once I finally got a professional to recognise that it was an issue we had kind of got used to it and he recommended leaving it since we were doing ok.

Eventually he broke it himself by accident and breastfeeding was a lot easier.

How someone feeds their baby is absolutely non of your concern.
My husband did our dc first feed, from a bottle. Decided before giving birth I was bottle feeding and don't need to explain my reasons why as no ones business thank you

Neither I or my DH are from the UK although lived here for years. Neither where we came from or where we live now decided why we ff. It was a personal decision - not a faff, very straightforward. No guilt or regrets.

The poorest women in the UK are the least likely to breastfeed. Why is this? Breastfeeding is free, formula and bottles, sterilisers can be expensive, especially if you're on a low budget. @Klouise777 you're right it's none of my business and I don't care how anyone chooses to feed their baby, but we should all care why the overall breastfeeding rates are so low. Someone posted a link to an article on itv news that said families are struggling to afford to buy formula so sometimes the parents end up not eating, or they end up watering the formula down to make it last longer. Neither scenario is giving babies the best start in life.

I'd also be interested to see how many parents are splitting feeding 50 50

Once breastfeeding 'works' it's so much easier and cheaper. I don't know about poorer families. It could be a lack of support and tbh low income often means stress and less ability to deal with sorting breastfeeding at the beginning. Also less likely to habe paid for nct classes which are so helpful. Maybe also younger mums?

DH and I shared night feeds although DMil came to stay for a few weeks and was a huge help particularly at night. The cost element wasn’t something we considered when deciding to ff.

We would probably be classed as a high income family and DH and I both have degrees and post grad qualifications.

@BabyLlamaZen Once breastfeeding 'works' it's so much easier and cheaper. I don't know about poorer families. It could be a lack of support and tbh low income often means stress and less ability to deal with sorting breastfeeding at the beginning. Also less likely to habe paid for nct classes which are so helpful. Maybe also younger mums?

I agree completely, admittedly it took a while for it to "work" for us but having support of those who had been there before and also the income (and health insurance) to seek out professional help contributed greatly to the success we had with breastfeeding.

I know from one friends experiences that in comparison to NCT, the NHS parenting classes went something along the lines of "you should breastfeed" but explained nothing about the benefits or about issues such as cluster feeding. I imagine if you're not expecting cluster feeding behaviour that you might think the baby is getting enough milk and give up pretty quickly.

@TeenyQueen it wasn't a cost thing in my case it was my decision based on what I felt best for me and my family. I didn't attend nct classes but even if I did it still wouldn't have convinced me to change my mind
2 years on I have no regrets