Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

FGS It could be breastmilk in the bottle for all you know! I am EBF my son but he has a bottle of my milk from dad once a day too - every other feed is with me so we have that bonding time. Before lockdown my mum also gave him a bottle, a few friends and his big sister (2.5) - just for a quick snap. She loved it and it made her feel important by doing it. The baby has to bond with everyone you know not just mum.

Did anyone actually read my original post? Did I say that bottle feeding is bad? Did I criticise the mother for bottle feeding? I don't believe I did either of those things. I was critical of letting a toddler feed the baby and criticised the idea that anyone should be able to feed a baby when infant feeding is an important part of bonding between the parent and child.

This is not a breastfeeding vs bottle feeding thread. I grew up in a Scandinavian country where breastfeeding rates are very high and breastfeeding is the norm. Mothers start bottle feeding if breastfeeding isn't medically possible. But let's be frank here, bottle feeding is the norm in the UK and the vast majority of babies in the UK are bottle fed from a very young age. I personally don't understand wanting other people to feed your newborn but that's my opinion.

I breastfed one baby and bottle fed another. I got a lot of offers help with bottle feeding from family members. My girls are grown up now and unsurprisingly I bonded equally with both of them.

Did you read it back to yourself? You came across as hugely judgemental and very unpleasant. Hence the responses.

Why wouldn’t I want anyone else to give a bottle to my DC’s? They enjoy it, specially grandparents and other relatives. It was brilliant having MIL help with night feeds when she stayed in the early days.

No offence but people with your attitude were the reason I stayed home most of the time with my baby twins when breastfeeding failed as I felt embarrassed to bottle feed at groups etc as I felt judged and like a failure. I ended up with PND.

as a PP pointed out, the baby doesn't have to bond with everyone, not at first, the baby has to bond with 1 or 2 caregivers and then later, when it has formed those deep, responsive attachments can form other relationships.

I don't recall that OP said she had shared her thoughts in real life with this family so I don't know why she is getting such a hard time- can't we have a discussion without all this extreme defensiveness?
We do have a bottlefeeding culture in this country- we could discuss why that is perhaps- but this is proven by the much much higher rate of bottle feeding compared to other countries- it really does seem unlikely that there is a physiological basis for this, so the reason must be social/cultural- and I would suggest that bottle feeding as default assumption is part of that picture.

If you doubt that bottle feeding is seen as the norm, go and look at birth congratulations cards- bottles a frequent motif, look at baby dolls- bottles a common accessory, look at adverts for formula, cunningly designed to circumvent the rules, look at the language used even by professionals 'are you going to try and breastfeed', look at how rarely you see any portrayal of breastfeeding as simply incidental......
OF COURSE women can choose how to feed their babies and OF COURSE fed is best, but surely it's worth trying to think calmly about why so many women apparently are chosing one way rather than another.

But babies have a lot of bottles so it's hardly gunna affect bonding, cmon..
The baby isn't going to confused about who it's mother is if grandad does it one time

I think, OP, that you sound like a really weird and quite unpleasant person who has far too much time on their hands. HTH.

I personally don't understand wanting other people to feed your newborn but that's my opinion.

Do you also not understand people having babysitters or childcare because they should be looking after their own children?

What about schooling? Should that be all down to mothers as well?

At what point are mothers allowed to have others help them raise their children?

So do you not believe a father should feed his child?
Fwiw I breastfed both my DC for 12 months. I couldn't give a toss whether someone breastfeeds or bottlefeeds

Isn't infant feeding part of bonding?

No. Sorry, but I genuinely think that is a load of old bollocks. How do you think that babies bond with their fathers if they are exclusively breastfed?

but surely it's worth trying to think calmly about why so many women apparently are chosing one way rather than another.

Round the houses version of “calm down dear”.

You can think about it until the cows come home if it please you to do so. Why do you think anyone else should? How does it affect you?

Well my situation meant my twins did have multiple caregivers from the moment they were born, I had little choice in the matter. They were in NICU for months, DS was discharged before DD meaning that for the latter part of her stay, I was there a lot less as I couldn’t split my time between both when one was at home and the other in hospital. I’m sure one photo of a sister bottle feeding their baby sibling is indicative of that being the usual, it’s likely it was staged and either the Mother or Father take charge of the feeding most of the time.

I had a handful of occasions where Grandparents bottle fed one twin whilst I cared for the other, once they were both home. Unfortunately @TeenyQueen any thread focused on FF or BF inevitably turns into a debate. Especially if judgement is cast in the OP in favour of one or the other.

How the hell do you know that I wasn't expressed breast milk in that bottle? Perhaps there is a legitimate reason why she CAN'T breastfeed (if indeed she isn't). What if she is combi-feeding? Stop your judgement.

Breastfeeding rates have actually gone up since lockdown as new mums have the time now to focus on it without dozens of visitors and pressure from others to get out. Focus on the positive upward trend rather than singling out one person for your vitriol.

I'm interested because...
I'm a feminist and I'm interested in the choices women make
I'm a mother and I'm interested in the welfare of babies and families
I'm interested in how commercial pressures impact our personal choices
I studied psychology so infant development and attachment interest me
I trained as a HCP so health, wellbeing, diet especially when seen from a cross cultural point of view are interesting to me
If you don't want to discuss it fine, but we'll get nowhere if everyone takes it all so personally.

"I was critical of letting a toddler feed the baby and criticised the idea that anyone should be able to feed a baby when infant feeding is an important part of bonding between the parent and child."

Do you really, honestly, sincerely think that letting the child's sibling (so not just "anyone") feed them for a couple of minutes is going to damage the bond between them and their parents??

@StillWeRise I think a pair of boobs on a card would be a bit strange to be honest.

'Congratulations on your new baby'
(.) (.)

Breast milk can also be expressed to be given through a bottle so I really don't think it means anything at all.

But I shall look forward to your range of baby cards

You seem a very judgemental person. You don’t know everyone’s situation, especially not from one photo.

My baby couldn’t latch properly so I expressed and bottle fed. This was despite getting help from midwives whilst in hospital, breast feeding clinic and paying for a private consultation. I spent many hours crying try to get my baby to latch properly and feeling like a failure.

My mum also had him once or twice a week for an hour or two. During that time she would often have to feed him. He still knew who I was and we managed to bond.

I must be an awful mother by your standards!

@grumpyorange haha brilliant emoticon of boobs

At what point are mothers allowed to have help raising their children?

Are you being a bit touchy here. I quite clearly wrote newborn. Last time I checked newborns don't go to nursery or school?
Why is feeding a baby the only thing other people can do to help the mother/family?
What about cooking, cleaning, laundry, washing up, food shopping, holding the baby, babysitting older siblings etc?

Does a baby need to be bottle fed for the father to bond with him/her? Do grandparents have to bottle feed in order to bond with their grandchild? This is precisely what I meant about culture, we expect babies to be bottle fed in the UK and everyone to be involved in that. Is that normal? Is it something health professionals encourage families to do?

It was blatantly an attempt at a cute photo, I very much doubt the toddler was actually feeding the baby.

Giving a baby a bottle isn’t the only thing a visitor can do to help but if they want to and they enjoy doing it, all good with me, especially in the middle of the night!

Are you being a bit touchy here.

Wasn’t that your aim? Of course it was. Don’t even attempt the faux naïveté bambi eyes.

I quite clearly wrote newborn. Last time I checked newborns don't go to nursery or school?

Ok. At what point is a mother allowed have help with her newborn and why does the same bonding concern not exist for you with older babies? What age does bonding cease to be important for you?

Why is feeding a baby the only thing other people can do to help the mother/family?

It isn’t, there are loads of things people can do as well as feeding to help a mother. Why do you expect feeding to be excluded from the list of things people can do to help a mother?

Does a baby need to be bottle fed for the father to bond with him/her? Do grandparents have to bottle feed in order to bond with their grandchild?

No. That’s the point everyone is making here. feeding isn’t the only opportunity for bonding so what on Earth makes you think a sibling providing a bottle feed will damage the mothers bond with her baby? It’s bonkers.

Well it’s been a ‘thing’ for at least 23 years as I bottle-fed both my younger brothers and they are 23 and 19. I was older (7 and 10) when they were born but my dad and step mum positioned the baby properly and then I fed them. Not all the time but occasionally.

It has in no way forced a bottle culture on me If we have kids, I fully intend to breastfeed but if I can’t I’ll bottle feed.