Bottle feeding culture in the UK

[TeenyQueen]

This morning I saw a Facebook photo of my former colleague's newborn baby being bottle fed by her older sister (toddler). I suppose it was a cute photo, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that anyone should be able to bottle feed a baby. What I mean is not just the baby's parents but all sorts of friends and relatives. Isn't infant feeding part of bonding? When did it become a 'thing' for siblings to feed a newborn?

I have three issues with this. 1. Breastfeeding mums are still being told that breastfeeding in public is undesirable and photos of breastfeeding are censored on social media (but it's ok to have pictures of bottle feeding).

1. We seem to be moving away from this idea that feeding a baby is part of social interaction and bonding between the baby and parent.
2. We're teaching young children that bottle feeding is the normal and usual thing to do and breastfeeding is not.

FYI the baby was in a completely wrong position for feeding anyway and didn't look very comfortable.

Any thoughts?

Yes, TeenyQueen, I think there is a feeling that the baby 'belongs' to the wider family and that they can all have a hand in raising it, and have an interest in it. (for evidence, look at any MIL thread)
On the face of it that sounds great (it takes a village etc) but in practice it can lead to the mother feeling ousted (again, we can read this on many MIL threads)
The idea that the wider family supports the mother by cleaning, cooking, changing nappies, soothing a fretful baby...while mother rests and learns to bf, that seems not to be common practice at least in 'mainstream' british culture.

Is it something health professionals encourage families to do? No, it wasn't (at least not for the first few weeks), when I worked on a neonatal ward but we did encourage fathers (or one other support person) to get involved with bottle feeding and to support breast feeding if the baby was breastfed.

I think you should get over it.
People need to do what they need to do.
It's not child abuse is it?

I think what OP is saying is when the baby is 6 months + you may have some help. Until then do it all yourself! Don’t you dare have help or let anyone else bond. That would be detrimental. Yeah we all get it OP 🤔

I think YABU about nearly everything in your post .

I do wish that all feeding of babies was normal. If a woman posted a picture of herself nursing her newborn whilst cuddling her toddler it wouldn’t be received well. That bothers me more.

@StillWeRise you interesting you say you're a feminist but don't respect the women may not want to breastfeed and shouldn't be expected too...

This is precisely what I meant about culture, we expect babies to be bottle fed in the UK and everyone to be involved in that.

What a load of crap. No we don’t. We expect babies to be FED, however that is. And allowing a sibling to give a bottle (or pretend to be giving a bottle for a few seconds for a photo is hardly “everyone”.

Op clearly lives a guilded, blessed life whereby all that bothers her right now, to the point she makes the effort to come on a public forum to moan about it, is how babies are fed. Oh, to have such a life like op.

we expect babies to be bottle fed in the UK and everyone to be involved in that

😂😂😂 Yeah, alright love, whatever you say 😂😏

Omg , find something to do

Op, if you really aren't judging your friend for bottle feeding , just the fact it was their child doing the feeding, then I think you should retitle your post.
Personal experience is that bottle feeding mothers get a lot of judgement and breast feeding is encouraged to the point of potential detriment to mum and baby. Having struggled with breastfeeding both babies the guilt of 'failing' and giving a bottle is very real.
Maybe taking a kinder view of your friend might be worth considering.

OP As a Moher of 3 children in their 30s i can honestly tell you it matters not a jot who bloody well feeds, changes, bathes or rocks them to sleep, they dont remember and they dont care.
I lived hundreds of miles from my parents when my children were young and in the first 5 years my DD saw my parents no more than 2 dozen times yet my DD had the most incredible bond with my Dad, he is her guide, her rock and her partner in crime, they are in contact with each other every single day. Even though they are seperated by hundreds of miles, the bond is strong. You do not need to feed a baby to nurture a bond.

I completely agree with you, OP. I see it as @StillWeRise put it, too. People should read The Politics of Breastfeeding.

Clearly people's responses here confirm the culture, which I have heard people say is very odd to those from other countries.

Of course bonding happens in lots of ways but I see breastfeeding as a special kind of bonding because it releases oxytocin in both baby and mother each time.

Also I don't think the OP said anything judgemental. People are interpreting it like this because they are being defensive.

Why are you bothered? Not your kids. None of your business!
You have a very blessed life if this is all you have to get worked up about 😅

grumpyorange, where have I not respected women's choices?

OK folks, try looking at it this way

I don't have the figures to hand but the WHO states that it's a tiny percentage of women who are physiologically unable to bf. The rates of women who formula feed in the UK are orders of magnitude higher than that, and higher than those found in comparable western European countries (where women are in paid employment/the water is clean/ formula is affordable etc etc)
Is no one even a little curious as to why that might be?

@lowlandLucky it absolutely does matter who cares for the baby. The baby might not remember but his/her brain will because the first year of a child's life is the most important for cognitive and emotional development. This is the time for the primary caregivers to form a secure attachment with the child.

Hi OP.

I am an exclusively breastfeeding mum - my daughter is 4 months v soon. I have just this minute done a Mahoosive bedtime feed. So I just wanted to say to you -

1. You have created a shitty thread.
2. You do know, don’t you, that there is a fucking pandemic raging and people are coping with shit at home. You’ve Chosen this very time to post a shitty thread to wind people up even more. People - parents - mums - who are at the farthest of their capacities right now. You know this.
3. Fuck off.

@lowlandLucky well you said it, you don't need to feed a baby to nurture a bond, so the baby's father and baby's wider family don't in fact have to feed a baby in order to have a relationship with him/her.

@StillWeRise The idea that the wider family supports the mother by cleaning, cooking, changing nappies, soothing a fretful baby...while mother rests and learns to bf, that seems not to be common practice at least in 'mainstream' british culture.

From this it seems that only women who are willing to breastfeed should receive this help.

I never let anyone feed DS apart from DP until he was 6 months. He has the closest bond to my mum which was achieved without any feeding at all. So feeding does not indicate the bond that babies have.

@Namesgonenow
"F off" How charming. Lovely manners and a great way to contribute to a discussion. I hope you are enjoying your breastfeeding experience.

If the sibling was doing all feeds then you might have a point but it was probably a minute tops. The toddler may have a baby doll (which come with bottles normally) and want to recreate that with their sibling. They might want to do it when sibling is weaning too? Maybe there are toy babies that come with a boob? Bottle feeding is normal in some families and shouldn't be judged just because breastfeeding is normal in yours.

Babies are sometimes cared for by other people like nurseries and grandparents who should obviously feed the baby to keep them alive and ideally form a bond too. In the past many babies would have had a wet nurse or been looked after by extended family.

@TeenyQueen did you breastfeed your DC/children?

Did anyone ever give them a bottle of either formula or breast milk?

Yes indeed I am. Your thinking and writing is massively goady, unhelpful and bizarre. And rinse and repeat: fuck off.