I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

@bingbangbing Great that you had a good experience. I, and many others, did not. The first two weeks of my baby's life were shite for me, and I got increasingly annoyed by him because we couldn't breastfeed.

Everyone has a different experience but for some women, it is traumatic to breastfeed, just as your birth was traumatic for you. And the more people go on about how awesome breastfeeding is, as if we should all love it, the worse some women feel because they feel like they failed.

I wish everyone would just remember that each birth, baby, and mother is different and qualify their statements to indicate that while for you it was great, you realise it's not so for everyone.

Oxytocin did not feature in my breastfeeding experience.

In general, I think bf is a bad thing.

Fundamentally incorrect, breastfeeding is in general a good thing. It's natural, it's how mammals have evolved and survived for millions of years. Without it humans would not have survived.
We are lucky to have an alternative in formula, but that does not mean bf is a bad thing.

Feminism is clearly not a subject you are familiar with, it is not in any way feminist to erase women by declaring bf is destroying lives and driving inequality. By all means own your own choices but you don't get to speak for 'women'.

@LoveIsLovely

My post was in response to someone claiming that breastfeeding is generally bad and ruins lives. In no way was I insisting that my experience is universal.

The first few weeks were hell on toast. Nobody warns you about that when you're pregnant. Nor do they tell you how much it will improve.

The following 18 months were amazing.

That's my experience. It's valid.

I always knew i didn't even want to try breastfeeding or expressing. I knew it was r for me. I just made it clear that I wouldn't be doing it and that was that.
I put it in my birth plan and made it clear at appointments. I was encouraged to try it and a student midwife at my 37 week appointment even tried to put in my notes I would be trying it. I said I'd report her to her university if she did as it was not true.
Thankfully the midwife and student midwife in the birth centre when I gave birth were supportive of my decision. I took a starter pack of formula in with me and that was that.
I used SMA as it's what my mum used.

Ive done both ,breast feeding just now & loving it wish i did it with all mine but i cant turn back time. I do think breast is best now but as long as a baby is fed then its all that matters.

@ScissorsBike
In general, I think bf is a bad thing.

What an incredibly wrong and ignorant comment.

What subject is your PhD in, by the way?

It is my husband - a man - who told me not to be deceived by the difficult beginnings, that it would not be "natural", because at the end of the day I knew nobody who did it, I was not raised that way. I did not have the cushioning support of a support system : we were the bare nuclear family. That it would get better in the end. A man. I never had that conversation with a professional interestingly enough, only with one other mum in hushed tones, encouraging one another. I went back to work 6 months after having my baby, so with the added layer of having to express systematically. It is one of the most feminist thing I did. There is a lot of sugercoating about pregnancy, as for breastfeeding it's an whole other level.

@ScissorsBike

You are really entertaining me I must say
Cracking stuff.

With determination most mothers can breast feed. I've been there and cringed at the pain of another feed, but I came through. That was short amount of time being in pain and I'm not being a martyr, but many aspects of having just given birth are really hard. It does hit you all at once, but your personality and determination is a major factor.

I searched for support and information with my first baby and found what worked for me. Everyone is different. I think the whole breastfeeding shouldn't hurt thing is misleading. It shouldn't hurt long term, but there may be some discomfort to start with as you and your baby learn to get it right.

Bottle feeding is fine, if you view it as just food. It doesn't bother me what people do, but i do think the right information isn't given out. Knowledge is power as they say!

@ScissorsBike what the f*ck are you on about

Hi,

Do what is right for you and baby. It’s your choice. I combination feed at the moment and love HIPP milk - my son loves it and I’ve never had any issues.

Good luck, hope all goes well :)

@LaCerbiatta that’s really nasty what a horrible thing to say. You have no right to judge anybody. The fact that the OP ‘doesn’t want to’ is reason enough. She doesn’t have to explain herself to anyone. It’s her body, it’s her baby. It might not be that breastfeeding will ‘make her unhappy’ but she might want to be able to leave baby for a bit with her partner without having to rush back to feed, she has said her partner is going to help with feeding. That’s a perfectly valid reason not to BF. I did BF, then combi fed. The only people I judge are people making comments like yours basically shaming Mums for how they choose to feed their baby. That’s the kind of crap the OP was talking about I’m guessing.

I fed one and hated it, then bottle fed. Second was bottle fed from day 3 (had colostrum then stopped when milk came in) third just took to breast feeding so did it for 6 months. I had a 4th I would bottle feed. All are equally healthy!

I wanted to breastfeed my first, just kind of assumed it would happen. But when he was born it was discovered her had a Cleft palate (we knew he had a Cleft lip from the scans) so I ended up exclusively breast pumping for 3 months (hell on earth) then switched to formula. He has to use medically designed bottles.

I'm expecting my 2nd now and I hope I will be able to breastfeed this time, but at the end of the day as long as my babies are healthy, well fed and thriving it doesn't really matter how which way.

Why do we all argue over how to feed babies? It makes me so angry. Yes breast is best but so is the mental health of the mother and a happy mother makes a happy baby. Just do what you want. It makes me so sad. People put so much pressure on each other.

@bingbangbing I'm not saying your experience isn't valid. But the way you phrased made it sound like you were talking universally.

@Greggers2017 Breast is not best. There is very little actual evidence for this vapid statement. In countries with no clean water, maybe. But we are not that country.

Loveislovely - breast most definitely is best for baby (and mum) and there is a lot of evidence for this

It seems from this thread that breastfeeding might make women unable to hear.

I hate the message Breast is Best as it implies anything else isn't and that can feel a bit shit if you want to and can't for whatever reason.

'Breast is ideal but whatever give your baby a meal' maybe?

When they are all hulking great teens there's no telling which one of the stinky articles has been bf or bottle fed.

@Enchiladas I think you need to look at updated research.

@LoveIsLovely

Got a link?

I judge you. About the collustrum bit. If it’s something that a baby needs and will benefit immensely from, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t try.

Alternatively express it.

I just don’t understand why someone wouldn’t at least try.

Most ff mothers tried to give collustrum at least and if it didn’t work it, it wasn’t a choice of theirs.

So yeh, I find it selfish. Sorry

So yeh, I find it selfish. Sorry

Breast is not best, bottle is not best - fed is best.

No one ever has to justify their choice and no one has the right to criticise anyone else.

Is your baby healthy, are you healthy and happy with your decision - job done.

Can't find the post but I just wanted to say thanks to whoever recommended the book "guilt free bottle feeding" it arrived today and it's great.