I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

Not only does BF make women unable to read or listen, it makes them incredibly judgemental apparently.
As for the Poster who finds FF “selfish” so bloody what? OP doesn’t give a crap about your opinion of her choice (I hope).
I FF from choice, in fact if BF had been the only option I’m not entirely sure I would have had children.
Selfish? Maybe
do I care? Nope

@bingbangbing

I'm sure you're as capable as I am of using google. "Is breastfeeding actually better?" or whatever.

@Hoppinggreen Judgmental and usually unbearably smug as if in a few years, their child won't be eating chicken nuggets five days a week like the rest of them.

@LoveIsLovely

Yep, and it all indicates that breastfeeding is generally best.

It's like climate change. You can find something to justify denying it, but it'll be an isolated piece.

All of the leading health authorities and meta studies point to breastfeeding being the optimal way to feed a baby.

It's not always possible however. Just like not all kids will get an optimal diet or education. It's no reason to pretend that what is optimal, isn't optimal. That would be treating women like children.

We all do our best for kids, nobody does everything perfectly, no child has the 'optimal' of everything. My child was BF. However, he may go to a crap school because we have no choice. That's life, unfortunately. However, I'm not going to pretend to myself that the school is fantastic.

Well I FF but I send my dc to a great Private school so I’m sure one cancels the other out
Obviously State schools are fine if you can’t or don’t want to send them Private but I simply can’t understand women who dont even TRY to!
Bit selfish if you ask me

Never breastfed for a single second. Had absolutely no desire to do so and very, very, very glad I didn't, having read threads on here about babies having to be fed to sleep, can't night wean etc etc.

I didn't, and still don't, believe that breastfeeding makes any difference to overall outcomes. What I do believe is that a lot of women who BF get very passionate about their choice - but it IS a choice and I honestly couldn't care less if I was ever judged or thought selfish. My body - my decision. And I also didn't buy into the whole "only the best is good enough for my baby" stuff either. Perhaps because I don't believe that BF is best - it works well for those who it works well for. FF works well for those who choose to do it.

@Hoppinggreen hahahaha, love it!

I was thinking about this thread today as I watch my son's assembly at school. I looked at the line of 4 & 5 year olds and saw healthy, happy kids. There was no way of knowing how they were fed as babies.

As for the poster who finds its selfish.....where does your judgement stop? Do you judge parents who work? Work full time? Have adult holidays? Feed their children non-organic food? allow screen time? As a parent ( mother?) The judgement is never ending.

The vast majority of us are making informed decisions about what is best for our whole family. That's what's important.

hoppingreen 😂😂

@Hoppinggreen

Was that directed at me? If so, I'd judge any parent who didn't at least try and send their kids to a decent school. Most do. Most women want to breastfeed. It doesn't always work out for either.

The analogy stands.

The saddest thing is the divide that FF vs BF causes. It's totally unnecessary.

Pretending that science doesn't exist isn't the answer though.

@RatherBeRiding I totally agree with all that you say about the importance of choice, and FF being a great alternative, your body your decisions etc. And it’s no one else’s business how to feed your child. That’s all true.

But on a population level breastfeeding IS better than formula feeding for overall outcomes. There’s lots of evidence showing that - it’s just a fact. I don’t know why people shy away from acknowledging that because it doesn’t take away from the other good points you make.

totally agree it’s your decision but I would say don’t commit yourself to either way. Before my baby was born it told anyone that asked I would bf for the first year. 5 months in is had enough but stuck with it because I’d told everyone I was going to do a year and I felt silly stopping. Stuck it through to 7 months then decided being happy was better than sticking to something I’d said months ago.

However you can combi-feed so your partner can help. My baby had one formula bottle a day from pretty much birth. Then if I was busy, wanted a break etc she could have more. I felt like that gave my family the best of both worlds

I bottle fed and mine is now world GTA champion at only eleven!

The judgement around feeding is ridiculous! I mostly breastfeed and have had people (read, in laws 😂🙄) telling me my baby would sleep better if I gave just formula, others say I should 'pick one' because apparently I'm confusing him. On the other hand I know that mums who formula feed are judged, given the 'breast is best' line etc. As long as the baby is happy, healthy etc, why judge? Don't people have better things to do?!

@Hoppinggreen Well I FF but I send my dc to a great Private school so I’m sure one cancels the other out Obviously State schools are fine if you can’t or don’t want to send them Private but I simply can’t understand women who dont even TRY to! Bit selfish if you ask me

That would be a brilliant analogy if private schools were (a) free (b) provably beneficial to children's health and (c) an inherent part of our physical existence as a species.

Otherwise, yeah, it's exactly the same. lol hun

I bf'd my first two as long until they self-weaned and will do the same with the little girl I am carrying. I don't think anybody can argue that breast is best nutritionally.

Would I send them to private school? No. Not even if I was a millionaire.

All about personal choice ateotd.

To be honest I don't really understand your decision, but it is your decision and you're perfectly entitled to make it.

The reality is, no one will really care either way, just try and enjoy your baby and dong worry about what everyone else might be thinking.

It is your decision.

Not giving the colostrum is so difficult for me to understand though. If you’ve seen animals that don’t get the colostrum it’s hard not to see it as verging on cruel.

It’s not a choice I would make. People will judge. But people will judge you if you breastfeed too. Everyone has something to say about anything related to a baby. It’s not exclusive to formula feeding and as a formula feeding parent you will be in the majority by quite a large margin.

@amazedmummy someone else might of also recommended it but I came across it when I was still trying to make BF work with my LO so just had to make others aware in case it could help them. The guilt I had was horrendous that I couldn’t make it work- that surely I wasn’t one of those 5% that couldn’t. That I clearly wasn’t trying hard enough despite seeing feeding specialists, going to breast feeding groups, feeding every 3 hours, topping LO with milk then expressing before trying to catch maybe half an hour of sleep before the cycle began again. I did skin to skin, nipple shields the lot. It just never got better- she couldn’t latch well enough. I was so low in mood. The book made me understand the research and actually how so many of the claims are not as black and white. I still wish it worked out, it still makes me sad that it didn’t at times but it was the right thing for me and the right thing for her. Our BF rates are low in this country but we have had the breast is best message rammed down our throats for some time now and our rates are not much better. Maybe we should try a different approach- a more inclusive approach that doesn’t end up in this fight between camps- one that doesn’t end up causing mothers to be anxious and guilty with the way they feed. Breast is best is a horrible phrase- makes it sound like I wasn’t doing what was best for my baby by switching. If you can and want to breast feed wonderful, if you want to but it doesn’t work out then please don’t feel like you have failed- you haven’t, if you want to formula feed from day one then go ahead- it is your choice. Maybe if we actually educated women about both options then who knows we might have happier mothers and better rates of breast feeding as women will choose to do it rather than feel guilted into it.

No I was the same.

@HarrietM87 No it is not "a fact".

Those studies did not take socioeconomic factors into consideration. They have mainly been debunked.

Please stop spreading misinformation. It's so depressing.

@HarrietM87 have you read those studies yourself? Can you link them here I would be interested to see it at a population level. Most studies I’m aware of have looked at it on an individual basis then extrapolated the data to a population level. Which overall outcomes are better?

@Wuzzle85 and @LoveisLovely I’m talking about the health benefits to babies (not intelligence or otherwise). There are loads of studies - you can google yourself, why do you think it is recommended by the NHS?

As evidenced by a few members of Mumsnet, some people will judge you whatever the fuck you do! Your body, your choice.

Do people not wonder why, the NHS and every medical authority recommends breastfeeding? If it's as pointless as Loveislovely claims?

The benefits have not been debunked.

If they had, the NHS would change it's advice. As would every other health authority across the western world. They can't all be out to torture women for the hell of it.

The NHS has a problem with breastfeeding in that it is very good at extolling the benefits, which why most first time mothers set out to do it, but is utterly shit at helping mothers to actually do it. That's down to funding and education of HCPs.

It's downright cruel how the NHS does this. My HV was less than useless. It was LLL and peer support that kept me going, not the NHS. Sadly a lot of women do not have any friends or family who have breastfed and don't have access to LLL.