I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

@tiktok
I had wretched encounters, what else can I say ?
I had well meaning staff in the hospital.
It was the swine flu at the time and I was on tamiflu. It was ages ago, and I was told that at the A and E. The doc must have just gotten out of school ? Very young, beaten up and exhausted. I don't know. It stuck with me. You can imagine how I wished I had known that I could have breast fed.
In another instance I ended up in A and E with another child who had lost more then 10% of his weight due to vomiting and diarrhoea. They wanted to know exactly how much was going in and out for that matter. So no breastfeeding, no discussion, I was not the only one, I could hear it from the other cubicles left, and right, I was closely monitored for 10 days. 10 days. We can criticise the consultant, him, her and the other as much as we want, say we have had crazy advice, but the thing is we cannot do without. I'm not off the grid. They did what they knew. I did as I was told.
Now there is new information out there, if you have not breastfed in the last say ten years, guess what, you are none the wiser.
We learn new things everyday. Lucky me, I still managed to breastfeed for 5 years. That in itself is a miracle ?
In my experience, discussing the subject and backing up everything with facts will sadly not make a person change her mind. It's not about facts. I wanted to breastfeed, I might have all the misconceptions in the world, well, I stuck with it. Then you have woman who have all the right information... they don't want to, and will not. How do we solve that? Anger might not be the answer.
I like to get updated and relevant information. Very happy about this thread.

@whyamidoingthis
Everybody got sick from the same nursery, I think they wanted to have some kind of protocol to handle the situation.

with hindsight.

@hibeat - It was the swine flu at the time and I was on tamiflu.

Some drugs aren't compatible with breastfeeding so maybe that was what they meant?

In another instance I ended up in A and E with another child who had lost more then 10% of his weight due to vomiting and diarrhoea. They wanted to know exactly how much was going in and out for that matter. So no breastfeeding, no discussion

That's absolutely appalling. It sounds like your experiences are more recent than mine, which makes it worse. My dd, why is now 19, had a similar dose as a baby and I was encouraged to breastfeed as much as possible.

Everybody got sick from the same nursery, I think they wanted to have some kind of protocol to handle the situation.

So they decided to make it up as they went along. That's appalling. Based on your swine flu comment, I'm assuming you're talking about 10+ years ago. They absolutely should have known better as recently as that.

That was 12 years ago. When you met midwives, paediatrician and obgyn, you were strongly encouraged to breastfeed, on the other hand I felt like I was uneducated and unscientific with any other type of doctor/healthcare specialist as I could not tell how much he had on his last feed (I dreaded that question so much), did he drink water etc. all kind of question that are absolutely irrelevant with the premiss that you are not using formula. Things have changed hopefully.

Nursery event 12 year, swine fly was 10 yup.

I agree hibeat bf support was appalling ime. I wanted to bf in NICU and all the nurses wanted me to do was express,there was no help/support at all.

Breast feeding so easy once you get over the start. Baby needs feed lift top, haven't even moved from sofa. Doesn't cost me any money. Saved on bottles, steriliser, formula every week. Stuck somewhere longer than planned no probs, obviously it's better if you get and drink regularly but that's the plan anyway. But I know loads of people that have bottles in the photos as soon as baby is born, do what you want.

I hate the argument my child have not been unwell very much even though formula fed. It's pure luck. My baby was breast fed and got ill with croup, we were in the hospital for just hours as he bounced back really quickly. My friends baby was in for days with it and was also breasted. You can't stop everything. But it could of been worse if they were formula fed or maybe not difference at all. You can't tell. I know plenty of sickly children all fed differently. My thinking is that it's natural to breast feed, my body makes the food my baby needs, but i don't judge others because I get it. I think it's down to your personality what choice you make.

Dogmother, a lot of what you say makes sense, but there is no evidence at all that ‘personality’ is a big factor in their choice of feeding method (I suppose it might be for the occasional individual).

In the UK, most women want to bf. Most women plan to bf. Most women start off bf. Then the majority of women who stop bf in the first weeks stop before they want to - the experience has not emerged as easy, and as happy, as they planned. They are not making a character or personality led ‘choice’.

When it comes to ff from the start, with no bf at all, this decision seems overwhelmingly influenced by social class, age at which education stopped, and age of the mother. Not personality in any way.

I shall speak slowly... The OP doesn’t want to breastfeed.

She asked for ff tips and experiences. Not a litany of why breast is best 🙄

@MadamePewter I know! Even after she came back and reiterated that fact it continues!

I BF all mine for around a year each. Never even bought any formula.
My close friend who had all her children around the same time as me FF from the start.
No judgement from either of us either way.
There was no outstanding difference in our children and they’ve all grown up into healthy, intelligent teens.

You do what works for you, it’s nobody else’s business

Btw just to warn you, this is just the beginning of your journey into being/feeling judged.
There will also be, cloth nappies/disposable, homemade baby food/packets and jars, SAHP/back to work......and on it continues.

Make your decision based on what works for you and your family and never feel that you have to justify that decision.
You don’t.

Btw just to warn you, this is just the beginning of your journey into being/feeling judged

That's very true,just wait until the 'which uni?' conversations start!

When it comes to ff from the start, with no bf at all, this decision seems overwhelmingly influenced by social class, age at which education stopped, and age of the mother. Not personality in any way.

Bollox. I was raised middle class and am educated to PhD level. I had my children in my mid-30's. I chose to FF both of them. It was down to my personality.

@ScissorsBike if you’ve got a PhD you’ll be smart enough to realise that your single example doesn’t disprove the stats.

@HarrietM87
Yes, quite.

@ScissorsBike
As I would expect someone who apparently has a doctorate to know, the plural of anecdote is not data.

In reality, breastfeeding is hugely correlated with social class, as the pp correctly stated.

Here's some actual data.

The prevalence of breastfeeding is particularly low among very young mothers and disadvantaged socio-economic groups, potentially widening existing health inequalities and contributing further to the cycle of deprivation. Data from the 2010 Infant Feeding Survey showed that 46% of mothers in the most deprived areas were breastfeeding, compared with 65% in least deprived areas
www.rcpch.ac.uk/resources/breastfeeding-uk-position-statement

From the same statement:
&If 45% of babies were breastfed exclusively for four months and 75% of babies in neonatal care were discharged home breastfeeding, an estimated £17 million could be saved by reducing the costs of treating four conditions alone: infection of the lungs, gut, ears (approximately £11 million) and necrotising enterocolitis (approximately £6 million)10; this would also result in 50,000 fewer General Practitioner consultations.*

See also:
Our results show striking associations between sociodemographic factors and breastfeeding at the area level, with much of the variation in breastfeeding rates explained by the sociodemographic profile. The sociodemographic context of breastfeeding is clearly important at the area level as well as the individual level. Our findings can be used to inform decision-making relating to local priorities and service provision.
bmjopen.bmj.com/content/3/6/e002765
Public health- Research
Factors associated with breastfeeding in England: an analysis by primary care trust
Laura L Oakley, Mary J Renfrew, Jennifer J Kurinczuk, Maria A Quigley

But hey - you apparently have a PhD and you formula fed so I guess all of the research is just rubbish, hun.

@ScarlettBlaize
Just wow. Thanks.

Thanks a mil to both PPs who pointed out that my lived example isn't generalisable to everyone. I was explicitly addressing a comment which said Not personality in any way. Precision in language (and a good understanding of stats) is important. For example, men being on average better at spatial reasoning than women doesn't mean that the large minority of us who score highly on spatial reasoning don't exist, or that gender affects spatial reasoning in a blanket way. Similarly, those of us middle class, well-educated women who choose to ff do exist, and in lots of cases, it comes down to personality. This is an appropriate response to the ridiculous Not personality in any way comment.

Sorry to be patronising, but your grasp of the nuances around inferential statistics isn't great.

In general, I think bf is a bad thing. The tiny savings it would make for our health system (a few dozen million) should not be paid for by destroying women's lives. It would be interesting to cost how much would be lost in the labour market if more women bf, and the knock-on effect that has on their relationships in terms of inequality.

Bf isn’t a bad thing. The lack of support, knowledgable healthcare providers and information that is readily available is a bad thing.

You just have to look at the countless threads on MN to see how many women struggle. If there was someone they could call and get proper advice (not topping up with formula which seems to be the go to!) then bf rates and women’s mental health wouldn’t suffer.

@ScissorsBike

Breastfeeding does not destroy lives. I did it for nearly two years, as did a few of my friends.

None of our lives were ruined. It was a fantastic experience after the first few weeks. If I have another, I'll do it all again. I have PND and suffered a certain level of trauma (ongoing) after a bad birth. Breastfeeding kept me going. The determination to get it right and the tremendous sense of achievement when I did, was a huge boost. Breastfeeding also releases oxytocin in the mother, which is a huge boost to mental health. You can feel it happening, weirdest and nicest feeling of relaxation.

Losses in the labour market? Given that most women take a years maternity leave regardless, I'd like to see how you make the connection? I went back at 13 months.

You have a skewed idea of feminism. It's not necessarily about making everyone the same, everything gender neutral. That is erasing women. Erasing thousands of years of female experience, deciding that it was all a waste of time and turning us all in to clones of 50's salary men.

Some gender differences are perfectly compatible with feminism- this is one of them.

Own your choice. Be proud of it. Don't denigrate the choices of others.

Scissors, as I indicated, in my post, in individual cases, personality may make a difference. But in general, it does not figure.

@ScissorsBike thank you for clarifying that you do understand how statistics work, you were just making the blindingly obvious point that individuals don’t always conform to general trends.

In that context, what’s the basis for your statement that breastfeeding destroys women’s lives? How many women are we talking here? And in what way?