MIL booked a weekend away

[poppet85]

My mother in law has booked a weekend away for her birthday for the family. Though she's booked it a good 5 hour drive away from us on a weekend term time .
For the rest of the family is about a 2 hour drive so easy to go up after school and their children are all much older . We have a 5 year old and 3 year old so traveling long distances isn't excatly straight forward.
I don't drive so my husband has to do it all ,he thinks we should take our son out of school on the Friday to make it easier and gets very defensive if I say otherwise. It would also me taking time off work
I really don't want to ,he loves school and we put alot of time getting him there etc .
I just feel it's very unfair on us she could have picked a half way place to make it easier or around the holiday time . She didn't check with us she just booked it .
I feel pressure to take my son out of school even though we've been put in this situation

@Scarriff why are you just making things up?

Educated guesses from ops statement not making things up. If op had a good relationship with her mother in law shed be talking to her not to us.

@Scarriff so OP says she likes her MIL and they're going and your educated guess is that she doesn't like MIL and is looking for an excuse not to go?

Yes.

Mils with big families do think about their children and are close to their own siblings first and daughter in laws second. I have spent loads of time trying to please everybody else, in the long you come out unhappy either way.. You tube have loads of guidance on how to manage in laws and your own parents, all easy see Said and done and not straight forward these days!!

It’s a family weekend - the children will probably fondly remember being away with extended family for years to come (mine have)
At 5 years old it’s not like your child is missing important GCSE revision classes.
It’s a no brainier just take the day off.
We live in London, about 5 hour drive from my family up North. Throughout my children’s early years we did this about 3 times a year (the only time my kids ever took time off school) In the end the deputy head pulled me aside and suggested that in future, I shouldn't ask the school for time off for family events as they couldn’t grant it but advised me on the QT to collect them from school for “an appointment” just after registration!
Sounds like you don’t like MIL

Ohh....eye roll!
It’s one day, your son is 5. Stop making such a meal out of it and doing all the “how awful is my MIL” thing!
She’s included you all. You are lucky to have a family & be included and be here to celebrate! Just get on with it, stick a smile on your face and stop being a pain in the a* to your husband.

If you all read the thread you'll see OP is going, has planned how they'll travel and has thanked everyone for their advice.

There's no need to keep sticking the boot in.

I'd take the day off without thinking.

There's more to this - you and her have precious don't you?

Educated guesses from ops statement not making things up.

Um .. you are. I think the OP is being silly about this but you can't just make shit up for the sake of it.

We recently had to do this for my FIL’s birthday (6 hours each way & with 2 dogs in the car as well as 2 kids! ).. when you are part of a family it’s just something you need to suck up..

Pretty sure you just don’t want to go and are using this as an excuse 🙄

(@Scarriff)

I have just been to Sure Start Counselling and a parenting puzzle course and they are great around children support,? In terms of both families and the impact It has on a marriage needs to be introduced and established now!! The more pressure from Mil To DH and communicated over to you doesn’t help at all, it grinds you down, when your DH protects the Mil and Sil and Dil It does grind you down. Prime example was the 27th December we Didn’t visit or have them over Christmas at all, and my husband kept going on about the meat we’re having and it would be a surprise For me!!! and the Mil was trying to please me with Duck.. I have not had a duck for twenty odd years. I really don’t care what I eat and open to anything. This is one example from many and in turn I was really ill over Christmas and ended up at the GP and hospital. She is upset she doesn’t see the Grandchildren enough. My Dh still doesn’t get it.. I am getting bogged down with all petty crap. From both sides It is exhausting!!

Nah, I think the problem is the DH! He should have negotiated a better arrangement early on. Mine spends hours on the phone coordinating this sort of stuff with his family. I can't imagine being dumped with the OPs situation at short notice! Especially not with pressure and defensiveness from DH. Honestly, this thread really surprised me, telling the OP to suck it up. Why should she? Especially since it sounds like she IS sucking it up and has been all along.

NothingIsGoing2GetBetterItsNot

It’s not about disliking the Mil at all and over the years I agree with what you are saying Don't be mean it's your husband's family. Unless there's a massive backstory with mil just do it, it'll be good for the kids too it's their family as well after all.we have tried to do this now they expect this all of the time, we have been referred to sure start for this issues!! my Dh is the same as you, but when they do go over Grandad does all the work whilst she wants them to interact with all the cousins in the family on a regular basis, Mil thinks children are your life and you need to be with them all of the time, the social events comprise of roast dinners on a Sunday with two hours of discussing illnesses death stress and depression, luckily sil has a new fiancé and a 5 year old son, they live on the doorstep and have three dogs she now gets now what she wanted for years. Me I was more independent and wanted to lol after my children I don’t want to keep driving 40 minutes away to please them anymore.. I now have no friends social Life or quailty of life now because I am not the wife and mother that DH expected me to be!!

She’s inconsiderate. A 10 hour round trip in one weekend with two children that young? That’s crazy. I wouldn’t be going, neither would my kids. Hubby could go if he felt obliged. This sounds exactly the sort of thing my MIL would do and while my hubby would stick up for his ridiculous family most of the time I think we’d both draw the line on this. Can’t believe she didn’t run it by you first!

@VeeJayBee you wouldn't do a ten hour (sitting in a car, not mountaineering over rough terrain) round trip over the course of a weekend, as a one off, to celebrate a family member's birthday? Blimey.

Living far away from my family, I wouldn't even register this as being an issue, but it's plain to see that some people really won't put themselves out one little bit for someone else.

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't drive five hours to get anywhere unless it was an emergency.

I wouldn't use a precious annual leave day.

I wouldn't give up the whole of a weekend without being asked.

I wouldn't take a child out of school for a holiday.

So it's a no from me for four reasons.

Bloody hell, some of you live very restricted lives, I sometimes have to do a 10 hour round trip within a working day. Spread over a three day weekend wouldn't even register.

Hope you have a great weekend OP. Someone in my distant family once said that you get to a life stage where you only meet up with people at funerals, so it's nice to mark other events to get together without it being to mourn a loved one.

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't drive five hours to get anywhere unless it was an emergency
Well that's a shame. Some beautiful holiday locations in the UK 5 hours away from anyone.

@alaskelfforgin hiking over rough terrain would be far more pleasant than a car journey with sick, unhappy small children. Like 1000x better. Have you even met kids?

@Elindab No, I haven't 'met kids'. That's right. Where did the OP say her children were sick? Terrible travellers could just mean that they don't enjoy it, who knows.

OP, I'm sure you'll all have a nice weekend away anyway. Sometimes the idea of these trips are worse than we think they'll be. I used to dread the 400-mile drive to see my parents with our DCs when they were younger but with games, puzzles and DVD player it was fine most of the time.